


Family Secrets

by Morgana_avalon



Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 20:16:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 61,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Cassander befriends a mysterious eunuch who lives in the harem and makes some startling discoveries.





	Family Secrets

Author's note; I'm not fond of creating Original Characters because I don't feel they really belong in a story; that story should be about the characters that exist/matter, but in these case I had to create Nouri (meaning Light) because he'll be instrumental in furthering the plot. I took my time creating him and I hope the readers will give him a fair chance to become a true part of the story.

 

Family Secrets

Part 1

 

"This is the perfect hiding place, don't you think so?"

 

Nouri startled, having never expected for anyone to find him here. This was *his* hiding place and most of the other eunuchs didn't know about it. They seldom bothered to look for him here. Anxiety took over and he pushed himself to his feet, eager to run in case the new arrival presented itself as a danger.

 

"Please, I didn't mean to startle you." Cassander already regretted speaking so suddenly, but he hadn't expected for the other man to grow distressed. "I am a friend." Taking in the other man's facial expression, Cassander saw fear. The turquoise eyes had widened and revealed just how upset his new companion was.

 

Nouri gathered his tattered robes close to his body and pushed himself up against the wall. He was already searching for a way out, but the brown-haired man was blocking his escape route. "I didn't mean to trespass," he forced out in a soft, guilty voice.

 

"If anyone is trespassing, then it is me." Cassander remained at a distance. It had been his intention to sit down next to the slender man, but he now reconsidered. His mere presence seemed to agitate and scare the panicky man. "I am Cassander. Who are you?" He extended his hand, offering the troubled-looking man his friendship.

 

"I am Nouri," Nouri answered, but he didn't take the hand. Nouri stared at it like it could strike him down at any time. Still pressing his back against the wall, his fingers clawed at the dilapidated fabric of his robes, which had been grey once and lined with silver. Now, they were nothing but rags. Letting his snarled hair fall in front of his face, he used it to hide behind.

 

"Nouri…" Cassander repeated in a thoughtful voice. "What does your name mean?"

 

"Light," Nouri quickly replied. He peeked at the Macedonian soldier standing in front of him. Cassander appeared a few years older than he was, had shoulder length dark hair, and eyes in which green and grey mingled. He looked friendly, but Nouri had learned not to judge people on their appearances. They could be deceiving.

 

Cassander blinked as he suddenly realized something. He had addressed Nouri in Greek, not expecting the other man to understand the language or to reply in it, but Nouri's Greek was perfect. How could that be? "Mind if I join you? The view from up here is lovely." Cassander slowly lowered himself onto the floor until he sat cross-legged. "Are you going to join me?"

 

Nouri didn't know what to make of Cassander's behavior and stared at the soldier. Realizing he hadn't even bothered to bow to his superior, he remained frozen, wondering what sort of punishment Cassander would deal out. Slowly, he sank down onto his knees and bowed his head. His gaze fastened on the floor and he trembled, wishing he knew what would happen next.

 

Cassander felt equally at a loss and wondered what he had done to scare Nouri. Maybe some light conversation would make Nouri feel more at ease. "Are you part of Darius' harem?" He figured Nouri was probably a eunuch, as no 'real' men were allowed to live here.

 

"Yes, I am." Nouri resisted the temptation to peek at Cassander's facial expression. "I live here."

 

"Are you a eunuch? Like Bagoas?" Cassander had seen Bagoas wait on Alexander and the eunuch's dark beauty was something he could appreciate. But he had quickly realized that Bagoas was off-limits. Alexander had claimed that raven-haired beauty as his own.

 

"Yes, I am." Nouri did his best to use as few words as needed, not wanting to accidentally anger Cassander.

 

Cassander felt frustrated as Nouri continued to act so frightened. "I am part of Alexander's army. I am one of his Companions," he said, realizing that Nouri might want to know who he was dealing with. "I decided to explore the harem a bit." Alexander had given the Queen his word that none of his men would touch the women who resided there and Cassander had promised to honor Alexander's vow. He wasn't there to take advantage of his status as conqueror. He was only searching for a companion – someone he could talk to.

 

"I didn't know that… You aren't wearing a uniform." Cassander was dressed in white and red robes and didn’t carry any weapons. The long, dark hair rested on his broad shoulders and a leather band tried to keep the dark mane out of his face. Nouri didn't know how to proceed. How was he supposed to act towards Cassander? It was probably best to wait for instructions. His superior would let him know what he desired from him.

 

"Nouri? I really don't like seeing you kneel beside me. Sit with me instead?" Cassander patted the space next to him and hoped Nouri would raise his gaze so they could make eye contact. He wanted to know where the white-haired beauty had contracted the large number of bruises and cuts that marred the pale face.

 

Nouri was eager to please because he didn't want Cassander to be cross with him, so he obeyed and sat down. He rested his back against the wall and made sure he remained at a respectful distance. His gaze however stayed glued to the floor. He wasn't going to anger Cassander by looking him in the eye. No slave would dare look his master in the eye.

 

"Do you come here often?" Cassander was trying to find a way to engage Nouri in conversation, but all he got for an answer was a nod. He glanced away from Nouri and looked at the gardens which stretched out below him. It was an amazing sight; Darius had managed to catch nature itself inside of these palace walls. But then another thought struck him. This was probably the only semblance of the outdoors many members of the harem had ever known.

 

Nouri's nervousness increased as Cassander remained quiet. He had expected instructions, but the Macedonian General merely continued to look at the gardens. For one moment, he considered sneaking away, but that was not an option; he required permission to leave and Cassander had just told him to sit down.

 

"This place is so different from the palace at Pella where I grew up," Cassander mused aloud. "Have you lived here your entire life, Nouri?" There had to be a way to make his companion feel more at ease!

 

"I have lived here for the last seven years of my life." Nouri swallowed hard and hoped that his answer pleased Cassander. There was no way of knowing what the other man wanted to hear.

 

Cassander tilted his head and smiled at Nouri, but that smile was lost on Nouri as his companion was still staring at the floor. "You don't look like most of the eunuchs here. Your hair is white, your eyes are light blue, and your skin is pale. Were you born here?"

 

"No, I wasn't, my Lord." Nouri shifted a bit further away from Cassander. All these personal questions made him jittery.

 

Cassander noticed that Nouri's anxiety was increasing due to his questions. He had hoped that showing an interest in Nouri would reassure the white-haired man, but he had been wrong. Maybe he should try a different approach. "I wish I could stay, but I need to leave. I have a meeting with Alexander in an hour."

 

Cassander pushed himself to his feet and frowned at seeing Nouri do the same. He distinctly noticed the way Nouri's hand pressed against his side and Cassander realized that his younger companion had carried away more injuries than cuts and bruises. How had he contracted them?

 

At a loss for words, Nouri only nodded his head and bowed again. It was for Cassander to decide what would happen next.

 

"Will you meet me here again tomorrow? Same time?" Cassander hoped Nouri would agree.

 

"If you want me to be here, I will be." Nouri felt trapped; he had thought that no one would find him here, but one of Alexander's men had easily located him. That meant he had to find a new shelter. If Cassander could find him here, the other eunuchs would manage to locate him as well.

 

"Yes, please be here." Cassander had become fed up with Nouri's elusive behavior and raised a hand. He was shocked to see Nouri flinch and stumble backwards.

 

Nouri raised his hands as well, trying to fend off the blows which would follow shortly. But there were no blows… There was no scolding. Instead, when he finally peeked at Cassander, he saw shock on the other man's face. He had tried to defend himself, something he wasn't allowed to do. He was supposed to let his superiors do with him as they pleased.

 

"I would never strike you!" Cassander spoke in a determined, calm voice. He didn't give in to the fear that shone from Nouri's eyes and placed a finger beneath the trembling chin. Lifting the battered face, Cassander winced, noticing a deep cut that disappeared beneath the tangled, white hair. "I could never hurt you."

 

Tremors shook Nouri's body. He had heard those words before and had stopped believing them. Apparently, Cassander was a man who loved to play games. "Of course not," he replied with what his superiors had taught him to say in such a situation.

 

"I am being honest with you." But Cassander saw the disbelief in the pale-blue eyes and knew Nouri didn't believe him. "But someone else struck you – repeatedly."

 

Nouri shook like a leaf when Cassander's fingertips trailed along his bruises. The touch didn't bring him any pain or discomfort, but he had learned that such a touch didn't have to remain gentle and could quickly become bruising.

 

Realizing it was too soon to question Nouri about his tormentors, Cassander ordered, "Look at me, Nouri… Please."

 

Nouri blinked and, in his surprise, he made eye contact. He couldn't remember the last time someone had used that word with him – please.

 

"I will return here tomorrow at the same time. I expect you to be here, Nouri." Something in those azure eyes had touched his heart. He let his fingers slide into the ashen strands and massaged the scalp. "I will bring you some decent clothes."

 

Nouri shivered at Cassander's touch. He had learned early in life that nothing came for free and he already shuddered at the thought of what he had to do in order to pay Cassander back.

 

"Is there something else you need? Food, maybe?" Cassander's gaze traveled lower and noticed just how scrawny Nouri was. The boy was nothing more than skin and bones.

 

"You don't have to do that, my Lord." Too high a cost – the clothes and food would come at too high a cost!

 

"I will bring you some food as well. In return I want you to take good care of our hiding place. Don't let anyone else invade it." Cassander smiled, caressed Nouri's face, and then removed his hand. He hoped he hadn't scared the younger man too much.

 

"I will carry out your wishes," Nouri said, bowing his head the moment Cassander pulled back his hand.

 

Cassander knew he had to back off or else Nouri was liable to either run away from him or faint due to his nerves. "Remember, you promised, Nouri." Cassander began to walk away from the eunuch, but indulged himself by looking at Nouri from over his shoulder one last time. Nouri was still shaking like a leaf. Maybe he would succeed in gaining some of Nouri's trust the next day.

 

Nouri stared at Cassander until the other man had disappeared from view and then sank down on his knees again. His shoulders slumped forward, he bowed his head, and wrapped his arms around his waist so it felt like someone was actually hugging him. This way, he felt a bit safer and a little less lonely. By Zeus, what had he done? 

Cassander now expected to find him here the same time tomorrow. And then what would happen? What?

 

~~~

 

"Bagoas?" Cassander had waited for Alexander and the rest of the Companions to leave before addressing the dark-haired eunuch.

 

Bagoas had been about to follow Alexander back to his rooms when Cassander had made his move and blocked Bagoas' path.

 

"Can I speak with you?"

 

Bagoas felt instantly wary. He had only been with these Macedonians for a few months, but had already learned that Alexander didn't trust Cassander and that the two men barely managed to tolerate each other. So, for Cassander to address him now, alerted him. Knowing he couldn't afford to cross the other man, Bagoas nodded his head. "But not for long. Alexander expects me to attend to him."

 

Cassander began to pace the room and occasionally glanced at Bagoas. "I visited the harem today."

 

Bagoas raised an eyebrow. Alexander had given his men permission to do so, but had also told them that he would kill anyone who didn't behave in a fitting manner.

 

"I met someone called Nouri during my visit there. Do you know him?" Cassander observed Bagoas' reaction. Seeing the mistrust in those dark eyes led him to believe that Bagoas had heard that name before.

 

Bagoas wondered why Cassander was bringing Nouri up. Nouri was a ghost, someone who moved silently and was seldom seen. He couldn't help but wonder how Cassander and Nouri had met. "Yes, I know him."

 

"He looked famished… His face was bruised and he had a deep cut here." Cassander lifted his hand and indicated where the cut was located on Nouri's face. "His clothes were nothing but rags and he looked at me with such fright in his eyes that I…" That he had actually grown worried about the eunuch. Cassander cared… Zeus may help him, but he did!

 

Bagoas waited; what was it that Cassander wanted from him? Bagoas *did* notice the worried expression in the green eyes. 

 

"Alexander threatened the men to kill them if they misbehaved. I can't believe any of us is responsible for the state Nouri is in." Cassander stopped his pacing and walked over to Bagoas. "Who attacked him? Who hurt him? And why?"

 

Bagoas drew in a deep breath. When Cassander had mentioned Nouri, he hadn't thought these questions would follow. He hadn't expected Cassander to care.

 

"Can you answer these questions for me?" Cassander tried to decipher the expression that lay in Bagoas' dark eyes, but failed. Bagoas had perfected his mask and it was impossible to read the emotions the eunuch was experiencing.

 

"I can, but I am not sure I should." Bagoas carefully considered Cassander. "Why do you wish to know these things?" Cassander's answer would tell him if he should confide in the other man or not.

 

"Because…" Cassander abruptly turned his back to Bagoas, so the eunuch could no longer see his face. It was hard enough for him to acknowledge that he cared. If the other Companions found out, they would ridicule him. He could already hear the condescending remarks they would make: "Looks like cruel Cassander has a heart after all!", "Who knew Cassander was capable of having emotions?", or "what game are you playing, Cassander? We know that you don't care about the weak. You never did." He had heard it all before and remarks like that were the very reason why he hid his feelings so deeply. Realizing he still owed Bagoas an answer, Cassander tried to explain. "I don't know what happened when Nouri and I talked, but… I realized that I wanted to help him." Knowing that he might be more convincing if he looked Bagoas in the eye, he slowly turned around and shrugged. "I never felt like this before, Bagoas, and I don't know how to deal with these feelings…but I want to help him."

 

Bagoas smiled a shy smile. "Nouri has the same effect on me," he admitted softly. "I try to protect him, but my power is very limited."

 

Cassander walked over to the window and gave Bagoas a curious look. Sitting down, he asked, "What do you know of him?"

Bagoas covered the distance between them and seated himself next to Cassander on the windowsill. For the moment, he trusted Cassander, although he was at a loss to explain why. Maybe it was the look in Cassander's eyes. "Nouri was here before I joined the harem. He has always been hiding in the shadows, trying to find hiding places and in spite of all his efforts, he seldom escapes their greedy hands."

 

"Whose hands? Who hurt him like that?" Cassander shifted excitedly.

 

"The other eunuchs. They hate him."

 

"But why? He is one of them!" Cassander carefully probed Bagoas' eyes. "I don't get the impression that you hate him."

 

"I consider Nouri my friend. He is the only eunuch I would call that." Bagoas rested his back carefully against the glass of the window and decided to tell Cassander all he knew. "As far as I can tell, they hate him because he is different. You have seen the way he looks – that white hair…his pale skin…those amazing eyes."

 

"So they hate him for his looks?" Cassander found that hard to believe, but Bagoas had to know best!

 

"That is a part of it, yes…" Bagoas frowned. "I don't know much of the circumstances under which he joined the harem. One of the older eunuchs once told me that Nouri had been a gift from the King of Greece to Darius, but I don't know if that is the truth. I only know that he wasn't born here. He hails from different lands."

 

"He was a gift from the King of Greece?" Cassander's thoughts raced. "Was his name Philip?"

 

"It might have been. I don't know the details. You will have to ask Nouri if you want to know."

 

"What else do you know?" Cassander was carefully sorting out all the information Bagoas was supplying him with and stored it away for future use.

 

"Nouri was castrated when he turned fourteen. That was three years ago. That was when the other eunuchs began to beat him up. They probably got their hands on him before you ran into him." During these last few months, he hadn't forgotten about Nouri. Although serving Alexander had taken some getting used to – as the new King's ways differed from the old one's – Bagoas had found himself busy trying to adapt to Alexander's demands. "I should visit with him."

 

Cassander shrugged his shoulders. "That is for you to decide."

 

Something in Cassander's voice alerted Bagoas and he gave the other man a questioning look.

 

"He agreed to meet with me tomorrow – same place, same time. I will also bring some food and clothes with me. The robes he was wearing had been ripped apart and he looked thin, much too thin."

 

Bagoas smiled again. "Your clothes won't fit him. They are too big for him. I will have some more fitting robes delivered to your rooms. You can take those to him if you want to. Food you can fetch from the kitchens. That shouldn't be a problem." His smile suddenly faded and Bagoas' eyes narrowed. "Why are you doing this? What are your motives? Nouri might be a eunuch, but that doesn't make him a whore." Bold words, especially when their superiors *did* think of them as nothing but willing whores. "He has already been hurt enough, Cassander."

 

"Are you referring to the beatings? Or is there more?" Cassander wanted the whole truth – not bits and pieces.

 

"Nouri is a eunuch. What do you think happens to a eunuch serving the King? He gets raped, Cassander, but they would never call it that!" Bagoas sounded more vicious than he had thought he would and he carefully monitored Cassander's reaction. Although Cassander had no real power over him, there was always the chance that the Macedonian might revert to violence when defied or provoked.

 

Cassander blinked. "I suspected as much."

 

Bagoas felt relieved now that Cassander was reacting in a calm way and it made him open up further. "The things that happened to Nouri are much worse than what happened to me. I was Darius' favorite. None of the nobles dared to touch me without Darius' permission and, most of the time, the King was possessive. He didn't like to share me. I belonged to him… Darius was an old man, Cassander. He didn't desire for much. My life was easy, compared to Nouri's."

 

"Tell me, please." Cassander didn't know why it was so important that he learned as much as he could about Nouri's past, but somehow, it took precedence over other aspects of his life. He had forgotten about his hatred of Alexander, his jealousy towards Hephaistion… He only wanted to learn more about Nouri.

 

Bagoas wasn't certain he should continue to confide in Cassander. After all, he didn't know the other man that well. But in the end, the expression in those green eyes told him that he should. "Nouri was ten when he became a part of the harem. There are men who prey on ones as young as he was."

 

Cassander swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. "Continue." He was determined to follow through and hear everything that Bagoas had to say.

 

"His strange looks attracted attention – the wrong kind of attention. During the first year of his stay here he was repeatedly raped. It only got worse as he grew older and Darius intervened when things got out of control after Nouri had been castrated. One of the older eunuchs had told Darius how severely his nobles abused the boy and Darius put a stop to it. But Nouri had already been hurt in ways you can't fathom, Cassander. Not even I, who has been in a situation similar to Nouri's, can."

 

Bagoas drew in a deep breath and then finished his tale. "The nobles no longer dared to touch Nouri, but now the other eunuchs started to pick on him. They hunted him down, beat him, and declared him an outcast. After that, Nouri became a ghost. Darius forgot about him, the nobles ignored him, and the eunuchs treated him like dirt. That still continues even now."

 

Cassander had a hard time believing what Bagoas had told him, but he had instantly known that it was the truth. Nouri's whole demeanor had radiated despondency and he had looked afraid and miserable hiding up on that balcony. "Thank you for sharing this information with me, Bagoas."

 

Bagoas resolutely met Cassander's eyes and searched them. "Are your intentions sincere where Nouri is concerned?"

 

"I want to befriend him." Cassander shrugged. "I don't know why. I can't explain my feelings where he is concerned." Realizing the real question behind Bagoas' words, he added, "I won't hurt him, Bagoas. When I took my leave from him, he recoiled. He thought I was going to hit him. I would never do that."

 

"I don't understand you, Cassander," Bagoas admitted eventually. "Alexander doesn't think that highly of you. He calls you arrogant."

 

"And a spoiled brat," Cassander added in a mirthless voice. "I know what they say about me, Bagoas, and most of the time, they are right. But they don't know me as well as they think they do. There is another side to me… I just don't let people see."

 

"That might be it," Bagoas agreed as he rose from the windowsill. He would have those robes delivered to Cassander's rooms in the morning. "I have to go now. I can't keep Alexander waiting indefinitely."

 

Cassander got to his feet as well and gave Bagoas a grateful look. "Maybe the two of us can make Nouri's life a little bit better?"

 

"I hope so. He deserves so much better." Bagoas made his way over to the doorway, but glanced once more at Cassander before stepping into the corridor. "Please don't hurt him. He has already been hurt enough."

 

"I have no intention of hurting him." It stung that Bagoas didn't believe him. He knew he had a bad reputation, but he hadn't realized it had gotten that bad. There *was* a good side to him and he was determined to prove it to them.

 

TBC

 

Family Secrets

Part 2

 

Nouri pressed close against the wall, hoping the other eunuchs wouldn't notice him. He needed to cross this room in order to reach another one of his hiding places. He snuck about soundlessly, like a ghost, and made it to the other side of the room without being noticed. He slid into the corridor and headed for Bagoas' old rooms. They were situated in a distant wing of the harem and he knew he would be safe there for some time. The other eunuchs never sought these rooms out to rest in since they lacked a view of the garden and therefore were considered less desirable.

 

His heart thundered so hard that its echo resounded in his throat. A fine layer of sweat covered his brow and he couldn't get his hands to stop shaking. The fact that Cassander had discovered him and had made him promise to return the next day had shaken him and made him fear for the next day. What were Cassander's plans for him?

 

Nouri sat down on the bed and stared at his trembling hands. Why couldn't he stop shaking? Then, his stomach growled, pointedly reminding him that he hadn't eaten yet that day. Since the other eunuchs didn't allow him near during meal times, he had to fend for himself and survived by stealing the little the other eunuchs didn't eat. He still had something tucked away beneath the bed and reached for the bundle. One apple, one slice of bread and some berries – that was all he had left and, although he was starving, he could only eat parts of it. He couldn't eat it all because then he would have nothing to eat in the morning.

 

He settled for nibbling on the apple. He took his time eating because his jaw hurt. One of the eunuchs had landed a blow on his jaw and it began to throb again now that he was munching on the apple.

 

Once he had finished it, he pushed back the covers, slid into the bed, and pulled the blanket around his frame. He curled up on his side and closed his eyes. Rest at last.

 

But he didn't find any sleep that night. His worries haunted him. Cassander's demand that they meet again the next day scared him. Why couldn't the man just let him be?

 

Tears slithered down his face, but Nouri made no effort to wipe them away. There was no one close who could see them. In the end, he succumbed to exhaustion and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 

~~~

 

"Bagoas?" Alexander moved his hand in front of Bagoas' face in order to attract the eunuch's attention. He had started to wonder about Bagoas when he realized that the eunuch hadn't moved for several minutes. Bagoas stood in front of the window and was looking onto the courtyard. "What are you thinking about?"

 

Bagoas shivered as he realized that his King had needed to draw him from the spell he had been under. It should have been the other way around: it was his task to look after Alexander and yet, this King didn't mind looking out for him. Alexander was nothing like he had thought he would be. For the first time, Bagoas really loved his King – adored him. There was just one thing lacking that would have made everything perfect: Alexander hadn't requested his services in bed yet. For that, the King turned to someone else: to Hephaistion. Bagoas had felt stunned when he had realized that Alexander and Hephaistion were devoted lovers and that the King didn't plan on bedding any members of the harem. Nor did Alexander seem interested in him in that way. "Forgive me, my King, I was lost in thought." By now, he knew Alexander well enough to know that the King wouldn't hold his inattentiveness against him.

 

"Did you prepare that bath as I asked you to?" Alexander gave Bagoas a reassuring smile. The eunuch had come a long way since the day that Bagoas had joined him. At first, Bagoas had acted shyly and had been afraid of making mistakes. The eunuch had frozen when he had thought he had displeased Alexander, had slept on the floor when there was a perfectly warm bed in the next room, and had been on his guard. But Bagoas' behavior had changed and that pleased Alexander. Why Bagoas had felt he should fear him was beyond him. "Hephaistion is due to return any moment now and he will want to wash the grime from the road from his body."

 

"I prepared his bath," Bagoas replied and returned Alexander's smile. "I even added some bath oils."

 

Alexander frowned; he wasn't fond of those bath oils and Bagoas knew it.

 

"Hephaistion likes them," Bagoas commented, smiling even broader at Alexander. At first, he hadn’t known how to handle the fact that Alexander and Hephaistion were lovers. When Nabarzanes had presented him to Alexander, Bagoas had fully expected for his life of abuse and servitude to continue, but nothing had turned out the way he had thought. Alexander was a kind, although strict, master and Bagoas had instantly liked his new King.

 

Getting used to Hephaistion had taken Bagoas a bit more time. At first, he had felt distraught at seeing Hephaistion read Alexander's letters from over his shoulder. Or see him jump Alexander and wrestle him down onto the bed. Alexander had never minded though and had playfully tried to wrestle Hephaistion into submission, but he had never won those bouts though. Hephaistion had.

 

In the end, Bagoas had decided that this life wasn't bad. It was good. For the first time, no one was abusing his body and it felt good to have some measure of control over his life. Alexander treated him well and Hephaistion seemed to like him as well. And he felt guilty because of it.

 

He had a good life here with Alexander and Hephaistion. He was safe, warm, and fed, while Nouri had to struggle to survive another day. It just wasn't fair!

 

"Bagoas, why don't you try to rest? You look tired and you are not hearing a single thing I have been saying these last few minutes." Alexander cupped Bagoas' cheek in the palm of his hand and studied the dark eyes. Bagoas was handsome, elegant, and oh so tempting. "I don't need you to wait on me tonight. Hephaistion and I will take care of ourselves. Get some sleep." Alexander turned Bagoas around and steered him toward his room. "Sleep," he commanded as he pressed a chaste kiss onto the brow. Alexander then closed the door and returned to his bedroom.

 

Bagoas sat down on his bed and stared at the wall. There had to be a way to get Nouri away from his tormentors. /Alexander and Hephaistion… They will be in a good mood tomorrow after making love all night and they might listen to my suggestion when I tell them that Hephaistion needs a personal servant as well. And then I will suggest Nouri. Maybe I will hint at how miserable his life in the harem is… Hephaistion will feel pity and take him in… I just know he will. Hephaistion is like that./

 

Now that he had a plan, Bagoas curled up on his side and continued to stare at the wall until his eyes finally closed from fatigue.

 

~~~

 

Hephaistion dashed into the room and flung his helmet onto the floor, uncaring if it got dented or not. He only had eyes for his lover, for his Alexander.

 

Alexander quivered at seeing the ravenous expression in his lover's eyes. They had darkened and now bordered on violet. Seeing that color told him just how much Hephaistion longed for him and he caught his lover in his arms when Hephaistion flung himself at him. "I missed you." Alexander inhaled his lover's scent, uncaring that Hephaistion smelled of the road and sweat. "I missed you so much." Alexander's hands were already doing the fastenings of Hephaistion's armor and, one by one, the pieces dropped onto the floor.

 

"And I missed you, Alexander." Hephaistion smiled, claimed Alexander's lips in a passionate kiss, and began to push his lover toward the bed.

 

"Not yet…bath first," Alexander managed to grind out and he corrected the direction they were heading in. "Bathroom, Hephaistion."

 

Hephaistion, down to his chiton now, laughed, and was obviously amused by his lover's flushed state. Alexander wanted him, was hard and ready for him, but first his lover wanted him to get clean. "A quick bath then," he relented.

 

Alexander grabbed hold of the chiton and did away with it. Lustfully, he took in his lover's muscular form. "Be quick, Hephaistion, for I want you." Alexander purred the words and the effect showed as Hephaistion quickly became aroused. Unable to maintain his distance, Alexander wrapped his fingers around the hard flesh and pumped it.

 

"I thought…you wanted me… clean first…" Hephaistion had begun to pant now that Alexander was stroking him.

 

"Ah, yes…the bath." Alexander gave Hephaistion a wicked smile, squeezed hard at the base of his lover's leaking erection, and pushed the dark-haired man into the water.

 

Hephaistion chuckled and immersed himself under water. His head disappeared briefly beneath the surface and then shot out from the water again. Droplets hugged the handsome face and his blue eyes twinkled with mirth and desire. "Why don't you join me?" He managed to grab hold of Alexander's wrist, and demonstrating his strength, he easily pulled Alexander into the bathtub with him.

 

Alexander went willingly and had no problems with assigning victory to his lover. "You could have given me a moment to dispose of my robe." He did so now and dropped the water-soaked morning robe onto the bathroom floor. Within seconds, he pounced on Hephaistion and kissed him all over. He started by covering the face with kisses and then worked his way down. Running his hands down the muscular chest, he peeked at Hephaistion's face. His heart melted right then and there as he saw the loving expression in those blue eyes.

 

Hephaistion chuckled at seeing the hungry look in Alexander's eyes. "Are you going to eat me?"

 

"Yes, I will…" Alexander licked his lips and then pushed his hands beneath Hephaistion's buttocks, raising him slightly out of the water. The head of his lover's erection appeared above the surface and Alexander licked along the slit.

 

"Alexander…" Hephaistion smiled and ran his fingers through Alexander's hair.

 

"Don't worry, this is just the beginning, Hephaistion." Alexander's lips wrapped around his lover's erection and they slid down the length, sucking lightly.

 

"Oh…yes, like that." Hephaistion's fingers rubbed Alexander's scalp and gently moved through the blond hair. "Yes…" They had been together for years and knew exactly what actions aroused the other one. Alexander knew how to play him and Hephaistion was already moving toward his climax. "No, not like that…" It was time to take control before Alexander had his way with him. "Not like that."

 

Alexander's heart missed a beat. He released the hard flesh from his lips, looked into his lover's eyes, which showed dilated pupils, and leaned back.

 

Hephaistion took charge now, like he did most of the time. It had taken them a while to figure out what roles suited them best in bed, but in the end, they had realized the way it was supposed to be. "Not here…I want you on the bed." Hephaistion rose from the tub, extended his hand, and pulled Alexander to his feet.

 

The King followed Hephaistion to the bed. Eagerly, he allowed Hephaistion to push him onto his back. Alexander brought his arms up behind his lover's back and pulled Hephaistion atop of him. Finally, he got to feel his lover's weight on him and he moaned. Hephaistion was the only man who had ever bested him, the only man he would ever surrender to and, by doing so, he finally got to let go, even though it was only for the briefest of moments.

 

Droplets of water still slid down Hephaistion's chest and Alexander licked his way from one nipple to the other, making Hephaistion groan in the process.

 

Hephaistion growled, grabbed hold of Alexander's wrists, and raised them. Single-handedly, he kept them in place above his lover's head.

 

Alexander surged beneath him and thrust upward. "Yes!" It thrilled him, excited him, how easily Hephaistion could master him. "Now!"

 

Hephaistion had already sighted the vial filled with oil and quickly drizzled some onto his throbbing erection. Raising himself, he positioned himself at the entrance to his lover's body and then entered him with one fierce thrust.

 

Alexander felt delirious now that Hephaistion had joined their bodies. He stared at the handsome face which showed all the love Hephaistion bore him and he shamelessly begged for more. "Please, Hephaistion… I missed you so much! Harder, take me harder!"

 

Hephaistion released Alexander's wrists and pushed his hands below his lover's back. Lowering himself onto the writhing body beneath him, he tried to push in as deep as he could, so Alexander could *really* feel him.

 

Alexander wrapped his arms and legs around Hephaistion and threw back his head. He met each of his lover's thrusts with an upward motion of his hips and soon they set a fierce, pounding rhythm which was quickly catapulting them toward release.

 

Knowing exactly how to push Alexander over the edge, Hephaistion delivered a series of hard, deep thrusts. At the same time, his lips latched onto Alexander's throat and he sank his teeth into his lover's flesh.

 

Alexander released a scream, clung to Hephaistion, and rode the waves of ecstasy his lover had propelled him into. Hephaistion's teeth still buried in his skin intensified the pleasure and Alexander buried his lover in a crushing hold.

 

Unable to draw out his release any longer, Hephaistion surrendered to the sensations of his lover's pulsing inner muscles contracting around his length and he collapsed atop of Alexander. He became a dead weight and all he was aware of was that he was coming inside his lover – his King. He finally released Alexander's flesh and purred in deep pleasure.

 

Silence descended onto them for the next few minutes as they savored the after effects of their intense joining.

 

In the end, Hephaistion rubbed his face against Alexander's shoulder and ran his fingers along his lover's flanks. His member had softened and was leaving his Alexander's body. Raising and tilting his head just a little, he managed to establish eye contact with Alexander.

 

Alexander raised a hand and placed it at the nape of Hephaistion's neck. He massaged the flesh there and gave his lover a deeply sated grin. "My Hephaistion," he said and his voice bordered on sounding giddy. "You are the only one who will ever best me."

 

Hephaistion sometimes wondered if Alexander didn't allow him to best him, but he didn't bring that up now, not during the afterglow of their lovemaking. Instead, he rested his head back against Alexander's shoulder and smiled. "I love you – only you," he whispered and his lips touched Alexander's skin as he did.

 

"I love you too, Hephaistion. Only you." Alexander was finally able to give in to his fatigue now that Hephaistion was at his side again. "Hold me…stay like that." He didn't feel like moving and loved feeling Hephaistion's weight press him down. It made him feel complete.

 

"I will… We will stay like this." Hephaistion was the only one who truly knew Alexander, who knew about the King's needs – Alexander's real needs. He saw it as a privilege to be there for Alexander, to hold him and best him – if that was what Alexander truly needed from him.

 

The two lovers fell asleep holding each other tight.

 

~~~

 

"Wake up, Alexander." Hephaistion cringed as he realized that falling asleep right after their coupling had not been a smart thing to do. The remnants of their lovemaking had acted like glue, and he wanted nothing more than to freshen up, but he could only do so if Alexander released him from his embrace. Alexander however, was dead to the world and snoring happily.

 

A sound coming from the doorway made Hephaistion look up. Bagoas stood there with a perfectly schooled expression on his face. "Bagoas, would you be so kind and have another bath prepared?" He actually felt grateful that the servants didn't have to pass through the King's bedroom in order to reach the bathroom. They could enter though a different corridor if they needed to clean up or haul fresh water up there.

 

"I will see to it," Bagoas answered, once more returning to his duties. He hadn't slept well. His conversation with Cassander had haunted his dreams and he had dreamt that the eunuchs had been chasing and beating Nouri after finally catching up with him.

 

The thought that Cassander would visit with Nouri today comforted Bagoas and he was determined to plead his friend's case before Alexander and Hephaistion that night. Hopefully, Cassander and he could improve the quality of Nouri's life just a little.

 

~~~

 

"Alexander, let me go!" Hephaistion had spent the last fifteen minutes trying to free himself of Alexander's hold, but his lover was unwilling to let him go.

 

Eventually, Alexander opened his eyes to find out why Hephaistion insisted on pestering him when he only wanted to sleep some more.

 

"Alexander, bathroom…now." Hephaistion smiled once Alexander's gaze was finally directed at him. "We fell asleep like this."

 

"Ah…" Alexander grinned wickedly and then raised his hand to touch Hephaistion's tousled hair. Some years ago, Hephaistion had wanted to cut it short, but Alexander had put a stop to that. He liked the long hair on his Hephaistion. "Shall I join you then?"

 

Hephaistion resolutely shook his head. "Oh no, we are taking separate baths." If they shared a bath, they would end up making love again and they had *duties* to attend to. "You will have me in your bed again tonight, Alexander."

 

Realizing that he couldn't stall much longer, Alexander released Hephaistion. "I want to keep you in my bed all day long, Hephaistion." He privately vowed that he would carry out his fantasy at one point. Just one day, from sun rise to sun set, filled with exquisite and passionate love making. "Go then and desert me!"

 

Hephaistion carefully raised himself and released a displeased groan when their groins tried to remain stuck together. He ran a hand through his tangled hair and stumbled toward the bathroom. Not for the first time did he envy Alexander for having Bagoas to attend to him. The eunuch always knew what Alexander needed, when his King needed him, and Bagoas had come through this time too. The bathtub had been filled with steaming hot water and the eunuch had also added some oils. Bagoas now stood next to the tub, carrying a wash cloth and brushes, just in case Hephaistion needed his assistance.

 

"Bagoas, I can bathe myself." Hephaistion lowered himself into the water and purred as the hot water soothed his tense muscles. He had been on the road for one week and the water provided him with a relaxing massage as it rolled against his skin in tiny waves.

 

Bagoas nodded his head. "Is there anything else I can do?" Hephaistion was even easier to take care of than Alexander. Hephaistion didn't believe in letting servants pamper him and wanted to do everything himself, but today, it seemed Hephaistion was too tired to do everything himself.

 

"Would you wash my hair?" Hephaistion felt more tired than he wanted them to know. He had hidden his fatigue from Alexander, had performed as he always did, but that didn't mean he didn't need some rest.

 

Bagoas reached for the soap, worked up lather, and tended to Hephaistion's long hair. He worked in silence as he had been taught.

 

Hephaistion seemed comfortable with that at first, but then the older man asked, "Why are you always so quiet, Bagoas?"

 

"I have been trained to be quiet, my Lord, to only speak when spoken to." Bagoas ran his long fingers through the wet hair in an attempt to rid it of the worst snarls.

 

"You chose to serve Alexander out of your own accord, why? Don't you have a family to return to?" Hephaistion tilted his head and managed to look Bagoas in the eye.

 

"My family is long dead, my Lord. I have no place to call my own, except for the palace that is. I serve the King." Bagoas' hands came to rest on Hephaistion's broad shoulders and he began to knead the tense muscles located there. /Why wait until this eve? Maybe this is the perfect moment to bring Nouri up!/ He had to try.

 

"My Lord, why don't you have a personal servant of your own? He could prepare your baths, wash and comb your hair, keep your rooms warm and comfortable… He would do all the things I do for Alexander."

 

Hephaistion raised an eyebrow. He was surprised that Bagoas was bringing this up. During the last few months, Bagoas had looked after Alexander *and* him as well, and he had been under the impression that Bagoas easily managed to do so. Was this a carefully schooled attempt to ask for help? "Bagoas, can we discuss this later? After dinner?" He wasn't in the mood to discuss this now and Alexander still needed to bathe. He had to make haste.

 

"Of course, my Lord, I just thought you might want to know that I found someone suitable for the job."

 

It was then that Hephaistion realized that Bagoas was trying to manipulate him. The eunuch had a hidden agenda and was trying to make him agree to see things his way. /But what would he gain by getting an assistant?/ Bagoas didn't strike him as someone who was too lazy to do the work himself. "We will discuss this after dinner, yes?" A smile surfaced in those large, brown eyes and Hephaistion realized he had said the thing Bagoas had wanted him to say. /You are more cunning than you want us to know. I have to be careful around you, Bagoas./

 

~~~

 

Nouri woke to the sound of his stomach growling loudly. He pushed back the blanket and sat upright, instantly wincing because of his injuries. One of the eunuchs had targeted his ribs and had managed to land a hard blow. His jaw also still throbbed and Nouri felt downright miserable. He was hungry, thirsty, and cold.

 

He sat motionless for a few moments as he tried to compose himself. He pushed his pain to the back of his mind and carefully reached for his food supply. He should eat the berries and leave the bread for that night, but his body demanded he ate something substantial and, in the end, he devoured the slice of bread. He tucked the berries back into the cloth and onto the bed and swung his feet onto the floor. His thirst made him leave the bed and head for the doorway. There was a little fountain close to the balcony where he had hidden the other day and he would drink his fill there.

 

Nouri gathered his tattered robes around him and shivered. He wasn't cold because the temperature had dropped; no, it was still warm, but he was cold because of the lack of decent food. His body wasn't coping with the lack of food. He needed to eat – really eat!

 

/Cassander… Cassander said he would bring clothes and food!/ But was he willing to pay the price so he could have them? What would Cassander demand in return for them? Nothing in life – his life – came for free.

 

Bowing his head, Nouri realized that he would pay whatever price Cassander demanded because he was starving. He needed the food to stay alive.

 

TBC

Family Secrets

Part 3

 

Cassander arrived early on their balcony. He wasn't supposed to meet Nouri there for another hour, but he privately hoped that the eunuch would be early too. Since he had spoken to Bagoas, his worries where Nouri were concerned had grown. The fact that Nouri had suffered so greatly hadn't come as a surprise. Cassander had grown up in court and around power-hungry men. He *knew* what these men were capable of and how they mistreated the weak. But what had really affected him had been hearing just how young Nouri had been when he had been raped for the first time. Ten years… He had been a child!

 

Cassander had done many things in his life of which he wasn't particularly proud of, but there was one act he had never engaged in, and that was rape. He had never forced anyone to be with him in that way and he never would. He wasn't like those men who derived pleasure from seeing someone like Nouri in that position – in such pain. It was one of the few things he had managed to hold onto: his belief that two people should be in love when they engaged in the physical act.

 

Stepping onto the balcony, Cassander felt relieved at seeing Nouri sitting huddled close to the wall. The younger man looked exactly the way he had yesterday: rumpled, in discomfort, and still much too thin. "Good day," he said, announcing his presence.

 

Nouri flinched; his first reaction had been to think that one of the eunuchs had found him, but then he had recognized Cassander's voice. Slowly, he began to push himself to his feet. It wasn't right for someone of his low standing to be sitting while his superior stood. His nostrils flared as they picked up the fragrances which originated from the basket Cassander was carrying. Draped over Cassander's arm were clothes. "I kept my promise, my Lord, as you can see." Cassander would expect for him to say something like that.

 

Cassander's expression turned sad. Nouri's intimidated demeanor hadn't changed since yesterday. If anything, he looked even more wretched. "I am glad you are early too, Nouri. Come, sit beside me." Cassander sat down on the floor and placed the basket in-between them. "I know that you are hungry so I want you to eat first." It was impossible *not* to hear Nouri's stomach growl. "Eat."

 

Nouri's eyes widened once Cassander had started to lift the foods out of the basket. There was fresh bread, fruit, cheese, even some honey, and sweet pastries. Cassander also uncovered a bottle of water and a carafe filled with wine. Nouri eyed the wine suspiciously.

 

Cassander uncovered two glasses and half-filled one with wine. Then he added water to it and handed Nouri that glass. "I watered it down. Its effect shouldn't be strong on you." The distrust that shone from those lucent eyes wasn't lost on him. "I didn't drug it," he added, thinking it best to face Nouri's suspicions head on. "See?" He sipped and then presented it to the eunuch once more. The long, pale fingers trembled when they finally accepted the drink from him.

 

Cassander pulled forth a plate from the basket and began to pile food onto it. Once he had collected a satisfying amount of food, he offered it to Nouri. "Or do you want me to sample everything first? I can do that." He pushed a small piece of grilled meat into his mouth and munched. "It is safe."

 

Nouri had begun to drool at seeing such a huge amount of food. "What will this cost me?" He wasn't supposed to ask that question, but he had to know what Cassander's price was. "How do you want me to earn it?" he added, seeing the odd look the Macedonian General was giving him.

 

Cassander blinked. "I brought it so you could eat. I want nothing in return." Slowly, realization set in. "I am not going to force you in any way, Nouri. I am not like that. I would never hurt you. I told you that before." Why did it come as a surprise that Nouri expected having to pleasure him in return for the food? Had he learned nothing when he had talked to Bagoas yesterday? This was the way things worked in the harem. "Please eat something, Nouri. You look like you could faint at any given moment." Cassander placed the plate on Nouri's lap and gave him a pleading look.

 

Nothing came for free, Nouri was convinced of that and decided that Cassander was merely toying with him. But his hunger won in the end and he devoured the food. He didn't touch the watered down wine though.

 

Cassander noticed this. He took hold of the second glass and poured water into it. This time Nouri accepted and greedily downed the water. No wine, then.

 

There was too much food. Nouri hadn't eaten his fill for a long time and his stomach simply couldn't deal with large amounts of food yet, so it protested when Nouri tried to eat more. Nouri instantly placed the plate down and wrapped his arms around his abdomen. He prayed he would manage to keep it down. He didn't want to throw up what he had eaten. There was still a lot left of the food Cassander had brought. If he rationed it, it might feed him for a whole week! But would Cassander leave it or take it away from him?

 

Cassander wrapped the remaining food into a piece of cloth and placed it near Nouri's feet. "That should keep you from growing hungry until dinner."

 

"Dinner?" Nouri covered his mouth with his hand. It wasn't his place to speak up!

 

"Yes, dinner." Cassander frowned. "Nouri, are you telling me that you don't get any food? None at all?"

 

"The other eunuchs don't allow me close during meal time. I try to salvage the little they don't eat." Nouri stared at the bundled up food resting near his feet.

 

"It is yours," Cassander said and nodded his head. Inside him, a terrible rage was building. How could this be happening? And more importantly, how was he going to end it? "I also brought you these robes." He reached for them and draped them over Nouri's lap. The eunuch finally raised his gaze and the turquoise eyes met his. The expression in them greatly affected Cassander. "My robes are too big for you and Bagoas had these delivered to my rooms instead."

 

"Bagoas? You talked to Bagoas?" Bagoas was his friend – his only friend – and now that Cassander had mentioned him, he felt a bit more inclined to trust the soldier.

 

"Yes, he told me bits and pieces about you." Distrust returned to those cloudy eyes and Cassander suggested, "Why don't you slip into these robes? You seem cold." Was that gooseflesh he saw on Nouri's arms? His gaze settled on the handsome face and he cringed, realizing the bruises were even more pronounced today than they had been yesterday.

 

Nouri caressed the fabric of the robes with his fingertips. "I can't accept this. They will rip it apart when they see me wear it."

 

"Humor me." Cassander wondered if he should bring this matter to Alexander's attention. Maybe Alexander would be inclined to help Nouri by punishing the other eunuchs.

 

Eager to do just that, humor Cassander, Nouri pushed himself to his feet. A warm sensation spread from his abdomen to his extremities and he knew it was the food, warming him from the inside. He shrugged out of his frayed clothes and forgot all about Cassander.

 

Cassander watched carefully once Nouri had removed the rags and he winced as he saw the old scars, new bruises, and deep cuts on the skinny body. Nouri wasn't so malnourished that his bones showed, but he was much too thin for him to be healthy.

 

Nouri quickly slipped into his new robes and smoothed the fabric down his body. The robes were made of blue and green linen and would keep him warm. "Thank you," he whispered from the bottom of his heart. But as he turned around and saw Cassander eyeing him intensely, his fear returned. What was Cassander's price? Nothing came for free!

 

Cassander saw how the excitement died in Nouri's eyes. For one moment, they had been radiant and he knew what worried the eunuch. It was easy to tell that Nouri expected to be hurt in one way or another. "Come, sit down again." He patted the space next to him and Nouri sat down at a distance from him. The eunuch pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. The bowed head and slumped shoulders told Cassander everything he needed to know.

 

It was going to happen any moment now, Nouri was convinced of that. Cassander was probably deciding which way he wanted to take him and all he could do was wait for the inevitable to happen. He had been raped before – he knew what to expect, but that didn't lessen his fright.

 

"Nouri? I will bring you some dinner this evening. Just be here." Cassander regretted that his time was up. He had to attend another one of Alexander's meetings, but after that, he would return here.

 

Nouri couldn't help it: his head jerked back and he stared at Cassander in surprise. Cassander was leaving? Without having collected his prize?

 

"Stay here and keep hidden. We don't want them to find you, do we?" Cassander lowered himself and sat on his heels in front of Nouri. "I will find a way to get you out of here. I promise."

 

Nouri blinked in surprise. "Leave the harem?" And then what? He had no place to go!

 

"I will take care of you," Cassander promised. He slowly raised his hand and this time, Nouri didn't flinch like he expected to be hit. This time, Nouri allowed him to caress his bruised face. "There has to be a way."

 

"Maybe Bagoas can help?" Nouri suggested. He stared into Cassander's eyes and realized they weren't cold or brutal. They were warm and caring.

 

"Yes, I will talk to Bagoas." Cassander fingered a strand of the snarled hair. "In the meantime, keep away from them, eat, and try to rest." The shy smile that surfaced on Nouri's face made his heart beat faster. "I will be here right after sun set. Don't forget about me."

 

"I will be here," Nouri promised and graced Cassander with his first real smile in years.

 

~~~

 

"Bagoas? Fetch some wine – watered down, please." Alexander massaged his brow. The meeting seemed endless and he wanted out of there. Diplomacy wasn't something he excelled in and he left most of the talking to Hephaistion, who was leading the discussion. He wondered if they would miss him if he snuck out.

 

A moment later Bagoas appeared at his side and presented a goblet to him. Alexander took it and sipped. "Thank you," he murmured, casting a grateful look to Bagoas. He frowned then, seeing the eunuch's eyes were dark with worry. What had happened? Was something wrong? He wished he could address this now, but he had to concentrate on the meeting. He would talk to Bagoas later.

 

~~~

 

During dinner, Alexander continued to observe Bagoas and while his gaze followed the eunuch through the room, he noticed that Hephaistion was looking at Bagoas as well. "Tell me, what is this about?"

 

Hephaistion, seated at the other end of the dinner table, looked up. They were enjoying dinner in a rather informal setting. It was just the three of them; Bagoas was serving the food so they didn't need any additional servants. Feeling at ease, Hephaistion had dressed in his favorite green evening robe. Alexander had followed his example and a bare shoulder showed from beneath the burgundy robes, which had slid lower. "What is what about?" Hephaistion's fingers curled around his glass and he sipped his wine.

 

"Those looks!" Fed up, Alexander ordered, "Bagoas, come over here."

 

Bagoas walked up to his King and kept his eyes lowered. He didn't want to accidentally offend Alexander now that he needed them to support him.

 

"Bagoas, you have looked miserable all day long. Why?" Alexander exchanged a look with Hephaistion. Had his lover noticed as well? Yes, Hephaistion nodded his head, indicating he had.

 

"It is nothing…" Bagoas knew he had to tread carefully.

 

"Has this anything to do with our conversation this morning?" Hephaistion leaned back into the comfort of his chair and raised his glass to his lips again. He had watered down the wine so it wouldn't rise to his head. Unlike Alexander, who liked to drink, he was more careful. He really disliked losing control due to excess drinking.

 

"Yes, my Lord, it is."

 

Hephaistion sighed. He had stopped counting the times he had asked Bagoas to use his name instead of that title.

 

"What conversation? And why don't I know about it?" Alexander sat upright and eyed Hephaistion closely.

 

"Bagoas mentioned it might be handy if I had a personal servant as well. You know, someone who would attend to me like Bagoas attends to you." Hephaistion didn't feel intimidated at all now that Alexander was eyeing him so intensely. Most Companions would crumble under Alexander's scrutiny, but not Hephaistion. He merely smiled.

 

Alexander relaxed; this matter didn't seem important after all. "I don't see any problems with that."

 

Bagoas realized that his chance had come. "I know the right person for that job. His name is Nouri. He is a eunuch and lives in the harem." Peeking at Alexander's face, he saw disinterest there.

 

"Hephaistion has to decide whether he needs a servant or not." Alexander closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. Attending those boring meetings all day had drained him.

 

Bagoas now turned toward Hephaistion and bowed his head. "My Lord, Nouri would serve you well. He knows how to attend to you."

 

"Did you already mention this to your friend?" Hephaistion still wondered why Bagoas was so determined to have this done his way!

 

"No, my Lord, I haven't talked to Nouri for weeks."

 

"Then how do you know he wants to do this?" Hephaistion thought he saw a hint of fear in Bagoas' eyes, but he could have been mistaken. Reading Bagoas' emotions was next to impossible.

 

"Because he isn't happy living in the harem." Bagoas' hands turned into fists at his side. He had to do this now! "The other eunuchs dislike him and have a tendency to abuse him. He is a kind soul, my Lord, and he would do his best to please you."

 

Alexander's eyes opened. "The other eunuchs abuse him? In what way?"

 

"They beat him, my King. Nouri stands out… His skin is pale, his hair is white, and that makes him different. They hate him." Bagoas prayed fervently that Alexander would be merciful. His King seemed to be pondering the idea and remained quiet. Bagoas counted on Hephaistion's gentle nature when he walked over to where the dark-haired man was sitting. He knelt in front of Hephaistion, bowed his head, and said, "Please, my Lord Hephaistion, he needs help."

 

Hephaistion's features briefly contorted at hearing the pleading in Bagoas' voice. "You care for him." Hephaistion placed a hand on Bagoas' shoulder and rubbed the skin through the fabric. "If it means that much to you, fetch him in the morning and show him what to do." Hephaistion didn't expect for Bagoas to start crying silently and seeing the tears slide down the exotic-looking face made him push back his chair. He got to his feet and pulled Bagoas up with him. After wrapping his arms around the eunuch, Hephaistion made eye contact with Alexander and knew what his lover was thinking. Alexander was enraged that such abuse had continued after he had made Babylon his home.

 

"Thank you, my Lord." Bagoas felt relieved and happy now that he had Hephaistion's support. He blinked, suddenly realizing that he was in Hephaistion's arms and that the older man was holding him close. He knew that Hephaistion had a tender and caring nature, but he hadn't expected the older man to reach out to him in this way!

 

Alexander rose from his chair, walked over to the two men, and studied Hephaistion's expression. The anger he felt was reflected in those pools of blue. "Is there something else I need to know? Someone else who is being mistreated, Bagoas?"

 

Now that Alexander had addressed him, Bagoas freed himself of Hephaistion's embrace and looked at his King. "No, my King."

 

"Bagoas?" Alexander raised a hand and caressed a strand of Bagoas' long hair. "I am Alexander and he is Hephaistion. There is no need for you to address us in such a formal way."

 

"I understand…Alexander." Speaking the King's name like that felt awkward, but Bagoas was determined to do whatever pleased Alexander and Hephaistion. He owed them.

 

"Fetch Nouri in the morning. Show him to my quarters and instruct him." Hephaistion smiled as he saw Bagoas' ecstatic expression.

 

Alexander snorted. "Hephaistion, you never stay in your rooms! You are always here!"

 

Hephaistion nodded his head. Alexander had made a valid point. "Take Nouri here then. I will talk to him and explain to him what I expect from him. Which won't be much," he added, seeing Bagoas' expression darken. "Take him under your wing. He can assist you."

 

Bagoas sighed. "Thank you…Hephaistion." It felt strange, addressing them in such an intimate way. "Nouri won't disappoint you."

 

Hephaistion didn’t worry about that. Even if Nouri proved incapable of carrying out his chores, Hephaistion wouldn't send the eunuch back to the harem, knowing he would face more abuse there. "I wish you had brought this up sooner."

 

"I didn't know…didn't know you well enough to know if I would have your support." Bagoas grew increasingly aware of how close Hephaistion was, of how seductive his scent was, and how sensual his voice. No man had ever had this effect on him and he crushed the attraction before it could bloom. He couldn't allow himself to feel like this. He was a servant and Alexander and Hephaistion were devoted lovers. This could only end in heart ache. He should be content to know that he had saved Nouri from the harem!

 

Hephaistion noticed the growing tension in Bagoas and was at a loss to explain it. Meeting Alexander's gaze, he looked questioningly at his lover.

 

Alexander however had a good idea what had caused Bagoas to tense up. They were close and Bagoas was falling under their spell – under Hephaistion's to be exact. "Hephaistion and I don't need your services tonight, Bagoas. Go…"

 

Alexander waited for Bagoas to leave the room and then stepped up to Hephaistion, who still looked puzzled.

 

"What was that about? He practically fled the room! I thought we had just assured him that we would help his friend?" Hephaistion frowned.

 

"He knows he has our support. That didn't cause him to run."

 

"What did?" Hephaistion leaned into Alexander and his lover wrapped his arm around him. They made their way onto the balcony and looked out over the city. Even at night, Babylon was crowded, busy and alive!

 

Alexander whispered into Hephaistion's ear, "Bagoas might be a eunuch but that doesn't mean he doesn't desire, doesn't want…doesn't lust."

 

Hephaistion tilted his head and looked at his lover. "What are you saying?"

 

"You brought me under your spell many years ago, Hephaistion. Now, Bagoas also feels the pull and I can't blame him. I doubt there is a person alive – male or female – who could deny you."

 

Hephaistion blinked. "Alexander, I know you love me, but to assume *that* seems a bit far-fetched."

 

"You really don't know just how striking you are, do you, Hephaistion? It is not just your looks – your eyes, your body, that dazzling smile – it is your very nature as well."

 

"Alexander, you feel like that because you love me!"

 

"Being stubborn, are you?" Alexander kissed his lover's brow and brought him in for a tight hug. He was rather certain that he had correctly interpreted Bagoas' reaction and he was content to let things happen in their own time. Asking Bagoas to join them in bed crossed his mind, but knowing Hephaistion might not agree made him remain quiet – for now.

 

But maybe Hephaistion would grow more comfortable with that possibility as time passed by. He would always love his Hephaistion – and only him. Alexander saw nothing wrong with extending their love to Bagoas, who was lonely. Pressing a kiss onto Hephaistion's hair, he joined his lover in admiring the view.

 

~~~

 

Cassander kept his word and returned to their balcony right after sun set. Nouri was still there, asleep, and with his fingers buried in the linen of his robes. Cassander deduced that Nouri hadn't left the balcony at all and that he had fallen asleep after eating what was for Nouri a large amount of food.

 

Seating himself next to Nouri, he took a moment to *really* look at the younger man.

 

Nouri was only seventeen years old, which meant that the eunuch was five years younger than he was. Cassander should have felt like an older brother, but he didn’t. The feelings that Nouri were awakening in him didn't speak of brotherly love, but of a different kind of love.

 

After placing the basket which held dinner on the floor, Cassander inched closer. Nouri was sound asleep and didn't react when Cassander pulled the younger man into his arms. The white hair tumbled down, obscuring Nouri's face and Cassander gently brushed it back behind the eunuch's ears. Cassander shifted until Nouri's head rested against his shoulder and then he slowly pulled the cold, clammy hands away from the fabric they were clutching. He rubbed the icy digits and tried to warm Nouri using his own body warmth. The younger man shouldn't feel this cold.

 

Cassander contented himself with holding Nouri, massaging the elegant fingers, and rubbing his cheek against the tangled white hair. He recognized the feelings that had taken possession of him; he had been in love before, but back then, he hadn't been free to act on his feelings. However, things were different now and maybe Nouri would warm up to him if he continued to gain the eunuch's trust.

 

Holding Nouri close, Cassander waited for the moment the younger man would wake up and look at him with those amazingly pale eyes.

 

TBC

Family Secrets

Part 4

 

Cassander watched how nighttime settled onto the gardens. Silver rays of moonlight floated into the building and everything became quiet as people prepared to go to sleep. However, this left Cassander with a bit of a problem. Nouri hadn't woken yet and remained soundly asleep. Dinner still sat untouched in the basket.

 

Sometime during the evening, Cassander had shifted Nouri until the younger man's head rested in his lap. Nouri had pushed his hands beneath his knees and had established a tight hold on Cassander, which left Cassander with barely any room to maneuver. "You can't be comfortable like that, sleeping on the cold floor." Cassander knew he had to take action, but what was he supposed to do?

 

Cassander had realized one thing while guarding Nouri's sleep...namely that he didn't want to leave the younger man exposed and vulnerable. He was going to take Nouri with him. The young eunuch would be safe in his rooms; the other eunuchs wouldn't dare go after him once they knew that Nouri was under Cassander's protection.

 

"Hush now," he whispered when Nouri stirred because Cassander began to cradle him in his arms. "Be quiet and sleep." He prayed Nouri would remain asleep until they had reached his quarters. It was a long way home and he would have to carry Nouri, but when he lifted the sleeping man, Cassander realized just how little the younger man weighed. "That will change, I promise."

 

Cassander had gotten back to his feet and pulled Nouri close. He left the basket on the balcony since he no longer needed it. There was food in surplus in his rooms. Nouri's head lolled against his chest and Cassander lifted him higher until he had a good hold on his sleeping charge.

 

Murmurs sounded around him once he had stepped into the gardens. Some of the eunuchs still lingered there and Cassander felt their venomous looks more than he actually saw them. Glaring at them, he forced them to lower their gazes to him. They knew who he was; they had seen him accompany Alexander when the new King had visited the harem and they feared him, for he did possess the power to punish them.

 

Cassander continued to glare at them. The fact that they had hurt Nouri so badly made him hiss when one eunuch approached. "Stay away."

 

Although the eunuchs didn't understand Greek, they understood the tone Cassander had used. They also recognized the hatred in those green eyes and realized it was aimed at them for what they had done to the outcast.

 

Cassander had finally reached the exit and kicked the door open. Nouri remained asleep and thus oblivious of everything that was happening around him.

 

Once they had left the harem, Cassander's hatred began to leave him. He had rescued Nouri; the young eunuch was safe now. All he had to do now was carry his charge to his rooms.

 

~~~

 

"Hephaistion?" Alexander sighed and pressed back against his lover who lay spooned behind him. That night, they had made love slowly, tenderly and Hephaistion was drawing their pleasure out by moving leisurely inside him – not thrusting too fast or too deep – and Alexander loved every second of it.

 

"Yes, Alexander?" It was rare that Alexander wanted to talk during their lovemaking. "What is on your mind?"

 

"I want to stay here for another few months – before moving on to India. And I want you at my side. Who knows when we will get another chance to be together like this."

 

"Oh, I agree, Alexander…" Hephaistion licked the salt from Alexander's neck. He loved it when Alexander was in the mood for such slow loving. It reminded him why exactly he loved the other man.

 

Alexander closed his eyes and clenched his inner muscles around Hephaistion's length, trying to manipulate his lover into coming.

 

"Alexander…" Hephaistion's voice carried a warning. "Don't… I am already too close to…" Too late. Alexander had achieved his goal and had made him come.

 

Letting go as Hephaistion's seed filled his insides, Alexander threw back his head and stroked his member firmly. He came seconds after Hephaistion did and savored the intimacy.

 

Hephaistion wrapped his arms around Alexander and nuzzled his lover's neck. "I love you so much, Alexander." His lax member left his lover's body and he groaned in disappointment.

 

Alexander used a corner of the sheet to wipe away the semen from his abdomen and then turned in the embrace. "I love you too." However, there was something he wanted to bring up and he reckoned this was as good an opportunity as any. "Hephaistion, I love only you, you know that?" Hephaistion nodded his head and Alexander raised his hand so he could run his fingers though Hephaistion's hair. "Bagoas seems lonely to me."

 

Hephaistion's eyes revealed surprise. Why was Alexander bringing up Bagoas?

 

"He was Darius' favorite for years…and Bagoas offered himself to me on that first night."

 

Hephaistion blinked. "You didn't accept, did you?"

 

"No, I didn't. I would never have done so, not without you knowing about it. I would never do so without your permission." Alexander pressed a kiss onto Hephaistion's lips. "Bagoas didn't know how to react to being rejected. I think I shocked him."

 

"Why are you bringing this up now?" Hephaistion had always preferred the direct approach and this was no exception.

 

"Because I want to do something about his loneliness."

 

Hephaistion suddenly realized what Alexander was trying to tell him. "You want to bed him?"

 

Alexander cringed at the way that sounded. "No, I want *us* to take him into *our* bed."

 

Alexander's explanation left Hephaistion speechless. "What?" he managed eventually.

 

"I would like to know him in that way, Hephaistion, but only when you are agreeable to it. I want you to be a part of it, but only if you desire so." Alexander gave Hephaistion a pleading look.

 

"Do you love him?" Alexander's answer was important to Hephaistion.

 

"No, I don't love him. But I like him...I have only known him for three months, Hephaistion."

 

Hephaistion shook his head; he felt overwhelmed by Alexander's request. "I don't know what to say."

 

"Take your time to think about it. I don't expect you to answer me right now." Alexander's fingers trailed down the curve of Hephaistion's back. "We have been lovers for years, Hephaistion. No, we are more than lovers – our souls belong together. Trust me when I say that Bagoas presents no threat to you."

 

Hephaistion suddenly smiled. "Alexander, I don't feel threatened. I know that you love only me. Your request merely surprised me, that is all." It was the truth – he knew he had Alexander's unconditional love. He also knew that no one would ever change that. "Let me think about it."

 

"That is all I want," Alexander said, placing a kiss on the tip of Hephaistion's nose.

 

Hephaistion chuckled and wiped at his nose because Alexander's lips had left a tingling sensation behind.

 

Alexander buried his lover in a tight hold and tucked Hephaistion's head beneath his chin. He wasn't going to bring the subject up again. No matter what Hephaistion decided, Alexander would abide by it.

 

~~~

 

Cassander gently lowered Nouri onto his bed. The eunuch's response was to press deeper into the comfort of the mattress and curl up. Nouri's reaction made Cassander smile and he sat down on the side to watch his guest. Nouri seemed to drown in his large bed and only took up a minimum amount of space. Cassander had never understood the Persians' need for these large, luxurious beds, but he was now beginning to see how they could come in handy. Cassander pulled up the blanket, which consisted of several furs and tucked it around Nouri's form. "Sleep tight," he whispered, leaning in closer so he could press a kiss onto the eunuch's brow.

 

Cassander rose from the bed, undressed, and locked the door. Normally, he wouldn't bother because servants appeared in the morning to bring him breakfast and clean his rooms, but Cassander didn't want any of them scaring Nouri in the morning.

 

Now that he was satisfied that no one could enter unnoticed, Cassander made his way back over to the bed. He was used to sleeping naked and, since Nouri was wearing robes, he didn't think that finding him naked in bed with him would trouble Nouri. Cassander lay down and moved closer to Nouri. He wanted to feel the younger man close to him and carefully pushed an arm beneath Nouri's neck. Sliding Nouri closer to him, he finished the embrace by folding his other arm around the eunuch's waist.

 

Watching Nouri sleep, Cassander realized he didn't want to close his eyes because then he wouldn't be able to look at the sleeping man any more. Cassander was already making plans for tomorrow: first, he would make Nouri eat breakfast and then he would fill up the bathtub in the bathroom. Hopefully Nouri would let him help wash his long hair, for Cassander wanted to run his fingers through the wet strands. Yes, he would look after Nouri and see to his recovery.

 

~~~

 

The next morning, Bagoas headed for the harem to fetch Nouri, just as Hephaistion had ordered him to. He was smiling happily, something which didn't happen that often. He couldn't wait to take Nouri away from his tormentors and he felt a little guilty because he had neglected their friendship during the last few months. He knew that he was Nouri's only friend and his sole protector and he had failed his friend.

 

Opening the door that gave way to the harem, Bagoas straightened his shoulders. A cold, distant expression appeared on his face as he made his way across the room. He had already sighted the first eunuchs, who were giving him cold, envious looks and he did his best to ignore them. Envy, jealousy, and boredom had made the eunuchs there into evil creatures and Bagoas wanted nothing to do with them.

 

He headed for his old rooms, recalling that Nouri used them as a shelter. He expected to find his friend there, but when he reached the room, it was empty. A frown appeared on his brow and Bagoas searched for clues which would tell him if Nouri had been there recently. Uncovering the cloth from beneath the bed which held the berries, Bagoas realized that Nouri must have been there not to so long ago. The berries were still firm and juicy.

 

"Where are you, my friend?" He hated having to ask the other eunuchs if they knew where he could find Nouri, as he wanted to draw as little attention as possible to his friend, but it looked like he didn't have a choice.

 

~~~

 

Bagoas blinked in surprise. The eunuchs had told him that a Macedonian General who had been in Alexander's company when the King had visited the harem had taken Nouri with him last night. Nouri had been asleep and the Macedonian had held him cradled in his arms.

 

Who? Who had taken Nouri?

 

~~~

 

Nouri's eyelids fluttered and then opened. He blinked; the surroundings were alien to him and then…then he realized that he wasn't alone in bed. Someone was holding him – close and tight. Raising his eyes, he sucked in his breath as he looked at Cassander's face. The other man was fast asleep and each exhale of breath caressed Nouri's face. Cassander's arms, long and strong, were wrapped around him, holding him in place.

 

What had happened the other night? The last thing he remembered was going to sleep on his balcony. He had eaten too much and his body had redirected his energy to his digestive system, causing him to fall into a deep and dreamless sleep. Cassander must have brought him there, but why?

 

Too afraid to move for fear he would wake Cassander, Nouri remained motionless. But he also knew he couldn't postpone the confrontation forever. The fact that he was in Cassander's bed and that the other man was naked beneath the furs told him all he needed to know. Cassander had brought him here to collect his reward for feeding him and providing him with the robes. He had known that Cassander was too good to be true.

 

His brooding consumed Nouri to such a degree that he didn't notice Cassander opening his eyes and looking at him. If he had looked, he would have seen the love and wonder in them at finding him so close. But he didn't, and therefore startled when Cassander suddenly addressed him.

 

"Good morning, Nouri. I hope you don't mind me bringing you here, but you couldn't have been comfortable asleep on that cold, hard floor." Cassander felt Nouri tense against him and the pale eyes filled with fear. Frightening Nouri had not been his intention, but the younger man was so easily scared that it took little to spook him. "These are my rooms and you are safe here. None of the other eunuchs will seek you out here. You can sleep, eat, and grow strong again here."

 

Nouri shivered as Cassander's fingers began massaging the small of his back through the fabric of his robes. /What? I am still dressed?/ Somehow, that little fact had escaped him.

 

"Don't be afraid of me, Nouri. I am a friend." Cassander had woken with his usual morning erection and concentrated on the colorful bruising that marred Nouri's face, causing his arousal to fade, for which he felt grateful. He didn't want to upset Nouri any further. "I am going to leave the bed now so the servants can bring in breakfast. Once they have left, I want you to take a bath and eat. Can you do that for me?"

 

Nouri nodded his head and felt rather dazed. The words which had left Cassander's lips had not been the words he had expected to hear. "I can do that," he whispered shyly.

 

Cassander reached for a morning robe. Normally he wouldn’t bother dressing himself that early in the morning, but he had seen the look in Nouri's eyes when the eunuch had realized he was naked beneath the furs. "Stay here," he ordered as he covered Nouri with the furs again.

 

Nouri obeyed; it wasn't hard to do as Cassander had ordered. He wanted to stay in the warm bed.

 

Cassander unlocked the door, stepped into the corridor, and addressed a servant who was passing by. He told the young boy that he wanted food delivered to his rooms and buckets of hot water to his bathroom so he could take a bath. The boy hurried away to do Cassander's bidding and Cassander closed the door behind him. A quick check told him that Nouri was still in bed. "Your life has changed," he stated decisively. "For the better."

 

Nouri wanted to believe that, but was afraid to do so.

 

~~~

 

/Cassander. That man must have been Cassander. Who else has shown an interest in Nouri/? Bagoas was on his way to Cassander's rooms where he hoped to find Nouri. Cassander had seemed sincere when they had talked the other day, but Bagoas wondered if the other man didn't have a hidden agenda. Like most eunuchs, Bagoas had learned to distrust a kind face, knowing evil could be lurking beneath the surface.

 

~~~

 

Nouri shivered as he stepped into the bathtub. Although it was filled with warm water, the tremors continued to rock his body. The servants who had brought the buckets filled with water had left and only Cassander had remained behind. The older man was still wearing his morning robe and had pulled his hair back into a pony tail.

 

"Sit down, Nouri." Cassander had hoped that Nouri would start to clean himself up of his own accord, but the eunuch seemed confused.

 

Nouri carefully seated himself in the tub. The tremors continued though and his fingers clawed at the wooden tub.

 

Cassander knelt next to the tub and immersed the soap in the water. Rubbing his hands together with the soap in between them, he worked up lather. "When was the last time you took a bath?" He didn't really need to know the answer to that question, but he hoped that light conversation would make Nouri feel more relaxed. The bruised body was tense and taut and he half expected his charge to make a run for the doorway. Fear was the only thing that kept Nouri in place at the moment – fear of what was to come.

 

Nouri shrunk into himself as Cassander moved a wash cloth over his bruised skin. He watched each move Cassander made and prepared himself for whatever act that might follow once he had been cleaned up. Recalling that Cassander had asked him a question, he replied, "Weeks ago."

 

Cassander sighed at hearing Nouri's short answer. What would it take to make Nouri open up to him? /Time…he needs time to get to know me and to trust me./ Expecting Nouri to simply trust him wasn't realistic. "How did you contract this scar?" Cassander was washing Nouri's face and had encountered a scar beneath his right eye. "It looks like someone dug the tip of a dagger beneath the skin."

 

Nouri closed his eyes, feeling embarrassed and ashamed now that Cassander was tending to him – Cassander was a General and shouldn't be doing this. "I remember going to sleep in Bagoas' room one night and then I was in pain. I screamed and realized there was someone hovering above me. I kicked and managed to hit him. He disappeared."

 

Cassander frowned. "But why target your eye?"

 

Nouri nervously moistened his lips. "Have you ever heard of something called 'the eyes of an oracle'?"

 

Cassander shook his head. No, he hadn't. "Why don't you tell me?" He wanted to hear Nouri's voice again and it didn't really matter what the eunuch was talking about as long as he talked.

 

Nouri carefully made eye contact with Cassander and, after probing those green eyes, he began to speak while Cassander's hands moved on to wash his hair. "Darius was a strong believer in prophecies. He employed several astrologers whose only task was to foretell the future. Unfortunately, they weren't very good at it and Darius executed one after the other. In the end, only one astrologer remained and he was afraid to lose his life since he didn't possess the gift of foresight."

 

Cassander rinsed Nouri's long hair and finger-combed the strands. "Go on, tell me more."

 

Nouri did, relieved that his tale was pleasing Cassander and that the older man wanted to hear the rest as well. "He told Darius that the future resides in the eyes and that the right pair of eyes could unfold the future."

 

Cassander suddenly swallowed as apprehension rolled over him.

 

"A lot of Darius' subjects lost their eyes during the next few days. Darius began to grow impatient because his astrologer claimed that the eyes which he needed to foretell the future weren't among the ones the King had 'collected'."

 

"How did he collect them?"

 

"Darius' soldiers simply cut them out. Many people died, some survived, but none really recovered." Cassander gestured for him to rise from the tub and Nouri complied. Now that he was telling this story, he was distracted and his fear didn't get a chance to sneak up on him when Cassander began to dry his skin. "In the end, Darius realized that this astrologer was the biggest charlatan of them all and the King ordered his soldiers to bury him alive. He had the charlatan incarcerated in the dungeons, which are situated beneath the harem."

 

Cassander saw the expression in Nouri's eyes and knew there was more to the story. He reached for a robe and draped it over Nouri's shoulders. The eunuch had cleaned up nicely. "But it didn't end there."

 

"No, it didn't." Nouri's feet slipped into the house shoes Cassander presented him with and he blushed under all the attention he was getting. "The astrologer escaped; at least, that is what the rumors say. Another rumor says that he went insane and is still hunting for the perfect eyes – the eyes which will uncover the future. He lost his mind."

 

Cassander quickly reached the correct conclusion. "And you think this mad man was after your eyes and wanted to cut them out?" He guided Nouri back into the main area where the servants had served breakfast. He gently pushed Nouri down until the eunuch sat and then Cassander seated himself opposite his guest.

 

"I don't know if it was him. I only know that someone was hovering over me and that he held a knife close to my face. Its tip was already buried beneath my skin when I screamed." Nouri blinked; he hadn't fully realized that they had left the bathroom until now. Suddenly, there was food in front of him and Cassander was pouring him hot peppermint tea. "I should be serving you. This is wrong."

 

"Stay seated. You aren't serving me, do you hear me? You are going to eat now."

 

In spite of all the pain and suffering he had been through, Nouri had somehow managed to hold on to his hope that there were still some good people out there. Could it be that Cassander was one of them? Was Cassander sincere in his desire to help him? And would the older man demand nothing in return? Somehow, that was hard to believe.

 

"Eat." Now that Nouri wasn't moving, Cassander placed a sweet pastry on Nouri's plate. The honey, almonds, and sugars would do Nouri a world of good.

 

Nouri kept a watchful eye on Cassander when he bit into the delicacy.

 

"You are safe here," Cassander said, repeating himself. "No mad astrologer will find you here." He had said it in a teasing tone, but quickly realized that Nouri took the threat serious because the pale eyes were suddenly cast down at the table. "I am serious. No one will hurt you." Reaching out, Cassander placed a hand atop of Nouri's, hoping the touch wouldn't scare or intimidate Nouri. He had loved seeing the real person pop out when Nouri had told his tale. It had made him realize that there was a whole different person hidden beneath the eunuch's anxious appearance.

 

Then Cassander remembered what Bagoas had told him. "Nouri, is that your real name?" The eunuch tensed again and this time his lips became a thin line. Cassander cringed; he had made another mistake in judgment. It appeared that this was the last thing Nouri wanted to talk about. "Do you originally hail from Greece? Is that why you speak the language flawlessly?" An abrupt nod was all the answer he got. "Where were you born?"

 

Nouri really didn't want to discuss this. Previous to being brought before Darius, King Philip had forbidden him to mention his name or personal history to anyone.

 

"Nouri? I won't tell anyone. You can trust me."

 

Nouri became aware of the fact that Cassander's hand rested on his. He hadn't even felt the touch at first, hadn't flinched away from the contact. Was he beginning to actually trust Cassander?

 

"Please answer my question and I will stop asking. Where were you born?"

 

Nouri sighed and gave in. "Pel—" He didn't get a chance to finish though as someone suddenly knocked on the door.

 

"Cassander? Is Nouri there with you? If so, let me in! Now!"

 

"Bagoas," Nouri whispered and a smile formed on his face. It was Bagoas – his friend – the only friend he could truly trust.

 

TBC

Family Secrets

Part 5

 

Cassander privately cursed Bagoas' timing. He wasn't ready yet to share Nouri with Bagoas; he wanted to spend more time with Nouri!

 

"Aren't you going to let him in?" Nouri asked softly. Missing the annoyed expression on Cassander's face was next to impossible. It was obvious that Bagoas' appearance greatly displeased Cassander. The question remained as to why.

 

"I will let him in while you eat breakfast." Cassander realized that he had no choice but to let Bagoas in. The eunuch obviously knew Nouri was there and wouldn't go away until he had talked to his friend. Cassander walked over to the door, then tilted his head and waited for Nouri to take another bite out of the pastry before opening the door.

 

Bagoas had been about to knock again and harder this time, but then the door opened and his hand remained poised in midair. "Is Nouri here with you?" He would never forgive himself if he had given Cassander time and opportunity to force Nouri into doing anything his friend didn't want to do.

 

"He is having breakfast. Why don't you join us?" Cassander had to force himself to remain polite. If it had been up to him, he wouldn't have opened the door to begin with and would have continued to concentrate on Nouri instead.

 

Bagoas dashed into the room, located Nouri, and walked towards him. One look at his friend told him that Nouri felt warm and comfortable. There was no fear in the eyes... no remnants of pain and for that Bagoas was grateful. "I was looking for you." Bagoas had reached the table and remained standing next to his friend. If he didn't count the bruises that colored Nouri's face, he would have said that his friend looked well because Nouri's eyes were smiling. He had rarely seen such a warm expression in them. Nouri was apparently content to be there and felt at ease.

 

Cassander returned to his seat and forced himself to let the two eunuchs talk.

 

Bagoas pulled up a chair and sat down. Fascinated, he watched Nouri nibble on a piece of sweet pastry. Small perfectly white teeth bit into the pastry again and this time, they took out a rather large chunk.

 

"Thirsty?" Cassander smiled and refilled Nouri's glass with hot tea.

 

"Yes." Nouri gave Cassander a thankful look and then wrapped his fingers around the steaming hot glass. His gaze then traveled to Bagoas and settled on the handsome face. "Why were you looking for me?"

 

Bagoas lacked the words to describe just how relieved he felt at finding Nouri warm, fed, and comfortable. Apparently, Cassander had been true to his word and meant Nouri well. "I talked to the King and his lover Hephaistion. They agreed to take you on as Hephaistion’s personal servant. You will be sharing quarters with me. You will be safe."

 

Hephaistion… The name brought back memories which belonged with a different Hephaistion, one who had meant the world to him when he had been a child. He had never been able to properly pronounce that name though and the toddler had ended up calling him 'Pai' instead. Nouri blinked repeatedly in order to chase off these distressing memories. "Bagoas, I don't understand…"

 

"Hephaistion doesn't have a personal servant and has realized he does need one. He has seen me wait on Alexander and I suggested you for that job. Hephaistion agreed. I will take you to the royal chambers where you will meet Hephaistion and then I will show you what to do. You will be safe, Nouri. You don't have to return to the harem."

 

"He is perfectly safe here with me as well," Cassander retorted defensively. "There is no reason for Nouri to accept your proposal. He will live here with me and I will protect him." He wasn't going to let Nouri go without a fight.

 

Nouri gasped at hearing Cassander's words. "But…" He probed Cassander's eyes and tried to read the emotions reflected in them. Was this Cassander's attempt to claim him as his property?

 

Bagoas turned and faced Cassander. What he saw on the other man's face surprised him: possessiveness, the need to protect, and, above all, the desire to love, stared right back at him. Had he misjudged Cassander? He had never considered the possibility that the Macedonian might have fallen in love with Nouri.

 

"You can tell Hephaistion to find a servant elsewhere. Nouri will stay with me." Cassander glared at Bagoas.

 

Bagoas' expression softened now as he realized why Cassander was acting the way he was. Yes, it was a good thing – for Nouri and probably even for Cassander – but he couldn't allow Cassander to cross him. "Cassander, don't you think that you should do what is best for Nouri?"

 

"And why is serving Hephaistion Nouri's best option?" Cassander wasn't giving up yet.

 

"Because serving Hephaistion will give him a legal position in Alexander's household. If Nouri stays with you, then he has no position at all. He will remain a ghost. Do you want that? By serving Hephaistion, the others will have to acknowledge his existence and his position. Nouri will gain a means to defend himself." Bagoas hoped he would convince Cassander to do things his way. "It doesn't mean you can no longer see Nouri or talk to him. Alexander gives me plenty of spare time, Cassander. You could easily make arrangements to go on walks with Nouri or just talk to him."

 

Cassander still didn't like it one bit. Rationally, he knew Bagoas had made some valid points, but emotionally, he didn't want to release Nouri into Bagoas' care. It would be the best thing to do however. He didn't want Nouri to become dependent on him or to see him as his new master. Why did this decision have to be so hard?

 

Bagoas smiled, understanding Cassander's dilemma. Then he said, "Why don't we let Nouri decide? After all, we are discussing *his* future."

 

Nouri started. He had been content to let them discuss his future. He didn't know how to make independent decisions! "Don't, Bagoas…please, I don't want to disappoint either of you. Cassander has taken care of me...without asking for something in return." Nouri blushed while uttering those words. "And you, Bagoas, you are my friend. I don't want to disappoint you either. I would love to serve our King and his lover… I don't think I ever did anything useful in my life."

 

Cassander had received his answer, but he still didn't like it. "Bagoas, if I release Nouri into your care, I want your promise that I will get a chance to meet with Nouri each day." Bagoas nodded and Cassander realized the eunuch had won their little fight.

 

Nouri swallowed hard at hearing Cassander's stipulation. Why did Cassander want to see him each day?

 

"You stopped eating, Nouri. That is not acceptable." Cassander placed a thick slice of bread, which was piled with honey onto Nouri's plate. "Eat."

 

Bagoas watched the exchange with curious eyes. Instead of acting intimidated, Nouri smiled at Cassander and raised the bread to his lips. Nouri began to nibble on it and Bagoas noticed how easily Nouri's smile reached those turquoise eyes. There was only one conclusion he could draw: there was some attraction at work between the two and he doubted very much that he could keep Cassander away from Nouri. And why should he do that? If the two liked each other, he should encourage them instead.

 

Bagoas placed his hand on Nouri's and said, "Finish breakfast and then I will take you to the King's rooms. Hephaistion is already waiting for you."

 

"Then we should leave now!" Nouri answered, already rising from his chair.

 

Cassander and Bagoas simultaneously coughed: Nouri had forgotten to tie his sash and his robes had opened, revealing his naked body.

 

Nouri blushed and tied the sash tightly around his waist.

 

"Hephaistion can wait a little longer." Cassander smiled at Nouri and added, "No matter what duties he will assign to you, I will collect you after sunrise so we can go for a walk."

 

Bagoas smiled lazily and wondered how Hephaistion would deal with a lovesick Cassander.

 

~~~

 

"What if I will disappoint him? What if Hephaistion doesn't like me? What if I don't live up to his expectations? Will he send me back to the harem?" Nouri had managed to drive himself mad with worry that he would disappoint Hephaistion and that the General would send him away.

 

"I don't think Hephaistion is that easily disappointed." Bagoas had reached for Nouri's hand sometime during their journey back to the royal chambers and now gently squeezed the long fingers. Trying to distract Nouri from his worries, he asked, "What do you think of Cassander and the way he acts towards you?"

 

"I don't know what to think of him," Nouri admitted. "I was convinced he would claim some sort of reward for being so kind to me, but he never touched me in that way." Nouri blushed. "I like him. Maybe we can be friends one day. I would like that."

 

Bagoas understood. After having been so mistreated for years, it was hard for Nouri to detect Cassander's romantic interest in him. "You will like Alexander and Hephaistion as well."

 

"I will do my best to please them." Nouri swallowed in an attempt to do away with his nervousness and then peeked at Bagoas. "Do you think they will…?" He let his voice trail off, knowing Bagoas would understand him without words.

 

Bagoas shook his head. "Alexander and Hephaistion are lovers. They are devoted to each other. They will never force anyone, Nouri. You are safe with them. That is why I want you to do this." Nouri could have stayed with Cassander, but Bagoas was convinced that serving Hephaistion was Nouri's best option right now. He didn't want Cassander to have such power over Nouri – not as long as he didn't really know the other man.

 

They had reached the door to Alexander's rooms and Bagoas knocked. Around the same time, Alexander was usually working on his correspondence and Hephaistion would help him with it. Alexander had a tendency to be a bit brusque and Hephaistion knew how to say things in a more diplomatic way. "Have some faith in them, Nouri."

 

"Yes! Enter…please!"

 

Bagoas smiled; Alexander sounded relieved. Alexander hated doing his correspondence and was usually grateful for any disturbances that would distract him. Keeping his fingers curled around Nouri's, Bagoas opened the door and stepped inside.

 

Nouri felt small and insignificant once he stepped into the King's luxurious rooms. Carefully, he kept his gaze lowered and trained on the floor. Close to him, he heard the rustling of robes and bare feet treading on the floor, but since he was too afraid to raise his gaze, he was bound to wait and see what would happen.

 

"Nouri? I am Hephaistion." Hephaistion hadn't been prepared for the sight that now greeted him. Dressed in linen robes with long, white hair that reached his buttocks, Nouri was truly someone who stood apart. His heart suddenly contracted as he recalled another boy, though much smaller and younger that had sported the same rare white hair. "Please look at me."

 

But Nouri felt frozen and continued to look at the floor. Not even an encouraging squeeze from Bagoas could convince him to look at his new master.

 

Alexander, who welcomed each chance to abandon his correspondence to his mother, pushed back his chair and got to his feet as well. When Bagoas had told them about Nouri's shy nature, he hadn't expected the white-haired eunuch to be so scared.

 

Hephaistion drew in a deep breath and chased old memories – seldom remembered because they were simply too painful – into the darkest corner of his mind. This was not the time to let his past overwhelm him. He raised his hand and placed it beneath Nouri's chin. Lifting it slowly, he waited for the lowered eyes to meet his and, when they did, another stabbing pain ripped through his heart. Pale eyes – eyes that reminded him of a cloudy day on which the sun played hide and seek. The gods help him, but he wasn't certain he could follow through with this. When Bagoas had told him about Nouri's strange looks, he hadn't thought much of them. He hadn't thought Nouri might remind him of… No, he couldn't think of him now!

 

"My Lord Hephaistion," Nouri said in a trembling voice. "I will do my best not to disappoint you. I will work hard." Hephaistion's eyes were dark and warm, yet had a comforting effect on him and his nervousness decreased. They reminded him of 'Pai's' eyes, at least he thought so. His memories had dulled significantly throughout the years.

 

Hephaistion shivered, which wasn't lost on Alexander, who folded an arm around his lover's waist. Alexander could easily read his lover's emotions and wondered what had upset Hephaistion.

 

"I am certain that you will serve me well, Nouri. Bagoas, why don't you tell Nouri about his duties? And once he knows what is expected of him, make sure he gets some rest. He can share your bed." Hephaistion needed a moment to compose himself – needed Nouri and the memories gone.

 

"Of course." Bagoas bowed and frowned at Hephaistion's strange tone. Something had unbalanced the older man and it seemed as if Hephaistion was struggling with his emotions. He hoped it wasn't because of something Nouri had done. Nouri shot him a worried look and Bagoas forced himself to smile reassuringly. "Come with me. I will show you around."

 

Nouri followed Bagoas out of the room. He had grown tense again during his short conversation with Hephaistion and now trembled due to the emotions he had seen in those midnight-blue eyes. "Was it something I did, Bagoas? Did I displease him?"

 

Bagoas sat Nouri down on the side of the bed and then lowered himself onto his heels in front of the other eunuch. "I don’t think so. You were polite and you showed him proper respect. It wasn't something you did."

 

Nouri felt relieved and sighed deeply. "Then what was it?"

 

"I have no idea."

 

~~~

 

"Hephaistion, what happened just now? You look…shocked." It was the only word that could describe the expression in his lover's eyes. Worried, Alexander guided Hephaistion over to the bed and sat him down. He briefly left Hephaistion's side to pour some wine into a goblet and then returned to present it to his lover. Normally, Hephaistion avoided the potent drink, but this time, his lover downed it in one go.

 

"I do feel shocked." Hephaistion shivered.

 

Alexander removed a blanket from their bed and draped it across Hephaistion's shoulders. "You are scaring me. You never acted this way before."

 

Hephaistion drew in several deep breaths in the hope that it would help him calm down. "I didn't think the resemblance would be that striking."

 

"Resemblance? To who?" Alexander refilled Hephaistion's goblet, handed it to him, and seated himself next to his lover on the bed. "Hephaistion? You need to share this with me."

 

"It is not an easy story to tell."

 

"Try." Alexander wrapped his arm around Hephaistion's shoulder and his lover rested his upper body against him. Hephaistion took smaller sips now, drinking more slowly. Alexander hoped it indicated that his lover was calming down. "Tell me."

 

"There is not that much to tell," Hephaistion explained in a voice that dripped with fierce emotions such as pain, regret, and love. "Nouri reminds me of my brother."

 

"Your brother?" Alexander's big eyes revealed his surprise. "You don’t have a brother!" At least, Hephaistion had never told him he had one!

 

"I had a younger brother once." Hephaistion rested his head against Alexander's shoulder and let his memories guide him through the past. "His name was Leander. Leander Amyntor. He was four years younger than I. Our mother died giving birth to him and that was one reason why my father disliked him. The other reason was the strange hair he was born with. His hair was white – as white as the snow which had settled on the lands when he had been born. Leander was born in the middle of winter and his looks reflected that. His hair was white and his eyes, normally so dark-blue with babies, only possessed a soft whisper of that color."

 

"I can't believe you never told me this!" Alexander pulled away slightly so he could look Hephaistion in the eye. "And I thought I knew everything there is to know about you!"

 

"I didn't keep it a secret on purpose," Hephaistion murmured, once more sipping the wine. "Leander always remained too tiny, too small for his age and when I left to attend school, he was only three years old. I worried about him…and my worries proved right."

 

Alexander tightened his hold on Hephaistion in an attempt to console his lover.

 

"That winter, I received a letter from my father, stating that Leander hadn't made it through the winter. He had fallen ill and had died due to a high fever and excessive coughing." Hephaistion had to open his eyes because the memories threatened to consume him. "Don't you remember the evening that you found me in tears? Weeping over a letter from home?"

 

Alexander blinked; he did remember. "You never told me what that letter had said," he whispered, his memories returning to that evening. "I rocked you for most of the night and you didn't fall asleep until the sun began to rise."

 

"Now you know why I cried. I cried because I had lost my little brother. I loved him, Alexander. He adored me, looked up to me, since I was his older brother and I wanted nothing more than to protect him and have him with me."

 

"Why? Why would you need to protect him?" Alexander frowned.

 

Hephaistion didn't want to tell Alexander; this was a family secret.

 

"Hephaistion? Why did you need to protect your brother?"

 

"My father never accepted Leander – really accepted him. He blamed Leander for our mother's death and he never loved Leander like a father should love his son. I am not saying that my father hated Leander, but he didn't look after him. Leander wasn't as sturdy as I was as a child. He bruised easily, broke his bones much too often, and always ended up hurt. Most of the time, I was there to look after him and make certain a healer attended to his injuries. Our father never did. That was why I was so worried when I was sent away from home. I was thrilled to meet you again, but going to school also meant that I couldn't keep an eye on Leander any more."

 

"And he died the same year you left for school?" Alexander gasped: he knew exactly what the affect must have been on his lover when he had heard of the fatality. "You blamed yourself, didn't you?"

 

"Wouldn't you?" Hephaistion sighed and pressed close to soak up Alexander's body warmth. "He died four months after I left. Once I was older, I returned to my father's estate and wanted to question the healer who had treated my brother, but father had sent him away. There was no way for me to find out just how Leander had died."

 

"And your father? How did he react?"

 

Hephaistion pulled away from Alexander and raised a hand to smother his lover's protest at seeing him move away. He merely shifted on the bed until he was lying down and his head rested on Alexander's lap. His lover immediately took to stroking his hair, just as Hephaistion had hoped he would. Alexander's other hand came to rest on his flank and rubbed the skin through the fabric of his robe. "He was completely emotionless. I had never seen him like that before and I didn't know what to think. It didn't seem to register with him that he had lost a son. Instead of addressing his grief, he chatted and asked me to tell him about my life at school."

 

Alexander massaged Hephaistion's scalp and loved the way his lover relaxed under the soothing touch. If he kept this up, Hephaistion might eventually fall asleep. "He wasn't mourning the loss?"

 

"No, Leander's room, his clothes, his toys, everything was gone. His room was bare and empty – there was nothing of him left. Nothing at all. I missed him, Alexander. I miss him still. I still remember the way he would crawl after me, trying to keep up with me, and he was laughing all the time. It was a good laugh, full of life and happiness."

 

"Sounds to me like you had bonded with him, Hephaistion, where your father did not."

 

"My father wanted nothing to do with Leander." Hephaistion rubbed his cheek against Alexander's thigh. "Am getting sleepy…stop doing that."

 

Alexander didn't think that falling asleep for a little while would necessarily be a bad thing for Hephaistion. "And Nouri brought those memories back. Are you certain you want him here? We can probably find another satisfactory solution if his presence here brings you pain."

 

"No…" Hephaistion whispered the word in sleepy voice. Alexander was keeping up the damn stroking and his eyes were closing against his will. "Let Nouri stay... It is like Bagoas said: he already suffered enough… And maybe…it will eventually do me some good…to have him around." His eyes fully closed and he dozed off.

 

Alexander continued the soothing caresses. His eyes narrowed however and he felt a flash of hatred aimed at Amyntor. It was a pity that the man had died two years ago. Alexander would have loved to question him and find out what had really caused Leander's death.

 

~~~

 

"Shouldn't we be…doing something? Like serving them?" Nouri couldn't believe they hadn't been summoned yet. They had been sitting on the bed for almost an hour and Nouri had shifted closer to Bagoas so they could share body warmth.

 

"They will let us know if they need us." Bagoas tucked the blanket tighter around their forms. In the end, he simply asked, "Why do you feel so cold?"

 

"Because I am cold." Nouri actually smiled.

 

Bagoas shook his head. "It's not cold in here!"

 

"I always feel cold." All of a sudden, his stomach growled.

 

"And you are hungry. We should get you something to eat." Bagoas considered his options. "I will fetch you some food from the kitchens. Stay here under the blanket and stay warm!"

 

Nouri didn't want Bagoas to desert him, but he *was* hungry and so he let the other eunuch go. He watched Bagoas slip into the corridor and then snuggled deeper into the comfort of his blanket.

 

~~~

 

Bagoas returned a few minutes later carrying a tray filled with the most delicious foods. He placed it on the bed and began to eat. "Help yourself."

 

Nouri licked his lips as he saw the fresh bread and honey. Reaching for the food, he used a spoon to cover a slice of bread with the honey and then devoured it.

 

Bagoas watched Nouri eat in silence. Darius, and with him most nobles, had preferred for them to starve themselves so they would remain slender and boyish. They never wanted them to have masculine forms and it was one reason why most eunuchs were undernourished. But it was not the reason why Nouri had been starving – Nouri had been starving because the other eunuchs had refused to give him his share of the food, no matter how small it had been. "You will like it here, Nouri. Alexander and Hephaistion are kind masters."

 

Nouri's thoughts however weren't with the King and his lover: they dwelt on Cassander. "Bagoas? Why do you think Cassander was acting that way? Why does he want to take me for walks? And why did he demand he be able to spend time with me? I don't understand why he made those demands."

 

Bagoas eyed Nouri closely and realized his friend had never been the object of true affection. Nouri was a stranger to love and had no idea what people in love did in order to be close to the one they desired as their mate. "Maybe he likes you, Nouri."

 

Nouri frowned and his expression became troubled. "Like me? In what way?"

 

Bagoas raised an eyebrow, but then berated himself. Why was he surprised that Nouri didn't understand his hint? "Cassander acts like he might be in love." That observation drew a bitter laugh from Nouri's lips and Bagoas' eyebrow arched higher. "Don't you believe that is possible?"

 

"Bagoas, I know what I am! I also know that someone like Cassander doesn't fall in love with someone like me. No, he must have a hidden agenda. Maybe he is one of those men who like their victims to trust them first before they pounce on them." Nouri shook his head and continued his bitter chuckling. "Bagoas, no one falls in love with me."

 

"That is where you might be wrong." Bagoas poured them some tea and handed Nouri a cup. "Did Cassander try to take what you weren't willing to give?"

 

Nouri shook his head again. "He didn't touch me in that way."

 

"Sometimes, when you love someone, you are willing to wait for them to come to you. Especially when they have been hurt in the past." Bagoas watched Nouri's eyes closely when he said that, hoping to get some kind of reaction.

 

"Bagoas…" Nouri moistened his lips because he was about to deliver, what he considered a substantial speech to Bagoas. "My father didn't want me and agreed to ship me off to Persia. I became a gift to Darius and I was raped for the first time when I was ten. I have lost count of the times men forced themselves on me since then. I was castrated when I turned fourteen. My manhood was taken away from me and, like you, I am less than a man. I have been an outcast for as long as I can remember and my only worth lies in pleasuring my owner in bed. Now tell me why in Zeus' name would Cassander fall in love with me?" He was convinced that Bagoas wouldn't have an answer to that.

 

"Because, my dear friend," Bagoas answered in the most gentle voice he could muster, "Because love is blind."

 

This time it was Nouri who was struck speechless. What was he supposed to say to that? Nothing… There was no answer.

 

TBC

Family Secrets

Part 6

 

Bagoas arched an eyebrow when he heard the knock delivered to their door. He had told Cassander to drop by *after* sun set and hadn't expected for Cassander to be there the moment the sun started her descent.

 

There had been no sounds coming from Alexander's rooms and Bagoas figured that meant either that Alexander and Hephaistion had resumed working on their correspondence or that they had taken a break and were resting. Either way, it meant Alexander and Hephaistion didn't need their services.

 

"Bagoas, someone is knocking on the door." Nouri was bundled up in the warm blankets, which distinctly carried Bagoas' scent. "Shouldn't you answer it and find out who it is and what they want?"

 

"Oh, I can tell you who it is," Bagoas answered as he left the bed and made his way over to the door. "It is Cassander," he added the moment he opened the door. He was right: Cassander was standing in the doorway, eagerly casting looks inside. "You are too early," Bagoas deadpanned.

 

"I don't care… Where is Nouri?" Cassander took a step inside and smiled as he discovered Nouri hidden beneath a pile of blankets. "I thought you might be cold, so I brought this."

 

Nouri pushed the blankets away from him and crawled across the bed until he could place his feet on the floor. As if magically drawn toward Cassander, he walked towards him and his eyes were drawn to the luxurious fur cloak in the older man's hands.

 

Cassander smiled; he had guessed right. The cloak was just what Nouri needed to keep warm. "Here, let me." Gently, he draped the heavy furs across Nouri's shoulders. "Pull it close."

 

Bagoas watched them with amusement in his eyes. He had seldom seen a pair so strangely matched as Cassander and Nouri and yet, the feelings appeared to be mutual. Nouri gave Cassander a look that could only be described as 'fond' and Cassander's smile brightened further.

 

"Is this for me? Really for me?" Or was Cassander only giving it to him for the duration of their walk? Of course, that was it! He would have to give it back once their walk had come to an end! But the warmth felt wonderful as long as it lasted.

 

"Yes, it is for you. I don't want you to be cold." Cassander couldn't help noticing just how good the cloak looked on Nouri. The bruises were finally fading and the blue eyes had never glowed like that before.

 

"Nouri, you need to ask Hephaistion permission before you can leave." Bagoas gave his friend a reassuring smile. "I don't think they will require our services tonight, but it is the proper thing to do."

 

Nouri nodded his head; Bagoas was right of course. "Please hold onto it for me until I am back." He removed the furs and placed them back into Cassander's arms. Oh, he hoped Hephaistion would allow him to go on this walk!

 

Cassander forced himself to wait while Nouri made his way into Alexander's rooms.

 

~~~

 

Nouri felt like an intruder since he had entered without having been summoned first. But how else could he obtain Hephaistion's permission to leave? His eyes quickly scanned the room and he found Alexander and Hephaistion resting on the bed. Alexander sat with his back against the headboard and Hephaistion had cuddled up to him. He noticed how much tenderness Alexander stroked Hephaistion's hair with and realized that Bagoas had told him the truth: these two were devoted to each other. Sexually, he had nothing to fear from them.

 

Alexander looked up from stroking Hephaistion's hair and was surprised to see Nouri standing before them – shaking and nervously wringing his hands. After hearing Hephaistion's tale and, seeing the white-haired eunuch now, he understood perfectly how Nouri reminded his lover of Leander.

 

"Please forgive me for addressing you, but…" Suddenly, his old fears crashed back in on him and Nouri quickly sank onto his knees. After all, this was the King he was talking to!

 

"Don't be afraid of me." Alexander was trapped in his position. He couldn't get up because then Hephaistion would wake and he didn't want that to happen yet. "What is it that you want?"

 

"I was wondering if you will need me for the next hour… A friend asked me to join him for a walk… I won't go if you need me, of course… My first duty is to Hephaistion."

 

Alexander sighed at hearing the tension and fear in the melodic voice. Nouri was staring at the floor and his hands twitched spasmodically. He could tell that it took every ounce of Nouri's courage to ask him. "Hephaistion won't need you tonight. I will take care of him. Go on your walk and take all the time you need." Alexander was perfectly aware of the fact that they didn't need a second servant to wait on them. Bagoas could easily attend to their needs, but this arrangement kept Nouri out of the harem. "Go now. Don't keep your friend waiting."

 

Nouri slowly pushed himself to his feet and peeked at his masters. Hephaistion was asleep, but looked awfully pale and troubled, even in his sleep. Nouri quietly closed the door on the way out and felt relieved that everything had gone so well.

 

"And?" Cassander immediately walked up to Nouri and draped the furs once more across the eunuch's shoulders.

 

"I am free to go…for as long as I want." Nouri smiled at Cassander and pulled the furs close to his frame. "Bagoas, I will be back shortly."

 

Bagoas made his way back to the bed and sat down. "Take your time. I will take care of them should something come up." He smiled as he watched how greedily Cassander steered Nouri toward the exit. Cassander couldn't wait to have Nouri all to himself.

 

"Thank you," Nouri said before closing the door behind him. Suddenly, he grew aware of the fact that Cassander's warm fingers were tightly clasped around his. That touch felt intimate, but Nouri didn't shy away from it. It felt nice to have this connection to Cassander. "Where are we going?"

 

Cassander noticed the change which had come over Nouri best. When they had first met upon that balcony, Nouri would have never dared to ask him a question. Now, the white-haired eunuch did so without any fear in his eyes. "I thought you might like to visit the outdoor gardens." He reckoned Nouri hadn't been there often and might like it there.

 

"I have never been there before," Nouri murmured. With one hand, he kept the furs pulled close around his frame, and with the other, he maintained his connection to Cassander. "I would love to see them."

 

"Your wish is my command," Cassander answered in a giddy voice. One look at Nouri's eyes showed him that they were dancing with pleasure.

 

~~~

 

"This is a perfect spot to rest." Cassander had discovered the wooden bench hidden away beneath a jungle of flowers. "Come, sit with me." Cassander sat down and pulled Nouri close to him. This time, Nouri didn't tremble against him nor did the younger man sit at a distance from him. "You can rest your head here," he suggested as he pointed at his shoulder.

 

Nouri batted his eye lashes at hearing the unexpected invitation. Cassander was turning his world upside down and he didn't know what to make of Cassander's loving expression. He simply couldn't believe that Bagoas was right: that Cassander had fallen in love with him. Someone of Cassander's standing didn't fall in love with a eunuch. He might lust after him, but could not love him!

 

"I don't bite," Cassander added in a soft voice, hoping Nouri would accept his invitation. But maybe it was still too soon to hope for that.

 

"Maybe later…" Nouri lowered his gaze and tried to sort out what he was feeling. He was quite certain that he had never felt this confused before.

 

In an effort to make Nouri feel more at ease, Cassander started to talk. He told Nouri about his childhood, his family, his military career, and, when he had nothing more to tell, he looked questioningly at Nouri. The younger man had remained quiet and Cassander desperately tried to find a way to make Nouri open up to him. "My father rules in Macedonia during Alexander's absence. I am Antipater's oldest son and I hope I will succeed him some day."

 

Nouri stirred at hearing a familiar name. He just hoped that Cassander hadn't caught his surprised gasp.

 

But Cassander had and he wondered about it. He knew better though than to bring it up. "I shared my life's history with you...will you now share something with me?"

 

Cassander's request startled Nouri, who hadn't expected it. His thoughts had been somewhere else, in Pella to be exact. "Share something with you?" He stayed still undecided on whether he trusted Cassander or not. He wanted to trust the older man, but trust was something Cassander had to earn.

 

"Yes…" Cassander made a grand show of trying to think up his next question. "What is your oldest memory? What is the first thing you remember from your childhood?" He hoped it was a safe question to ask.

 

Nouri actually smiled and blushed a little. Cassander's fingers were still curled around his and were rubbing them. That was an easy question and he might even be inclined to answer it. "I remember being little… I can't have been more than two or three… I was still crawling around and sometimes, I would get up and try to walk."

 

Nouri's voice took on a distant tone now that he was remembering. "I always walked into tables, chairs, or doors. I would start crying because I had gotten hurt and then my brother appeared to console me. At least, I think he was my brother. I only remember a boy several years older than me who always rocked me and told me that everything would be all right. He would take me to the healer, who would patch me up and then I would start following him around again. I only remember part of his name. I wasn't old enough yet to properly pronounce it." He had been happy following his 'Pai' around.

 

"You sound like you were happy back then." Cassander dragged his thumb across the palm of Nouri's hand and caught him quivering. "Will you tell me what happened next?" He had to tread carefully, knowing very well that Nouri might shut down at any given moment.

 

"Something changed. The older boy went away and someone, I think he was my father, told me that I couldn't stay. I don't remember much of what he said. I was still too young to understand that I was being sent away."

 

"I am sorry that happened." Hoping he was reading Nouri's facial expression right, Cassander wrapped an arm loosely around the younger man's shoulder and pulled him close. Nouri didn't fight him and even rested his head against his shoulder. Cassander understood that Nouri was lost in his memories and, because of that his fear of him had diminished.

 

"I went to live with a foster-family. I became a servant when I was old enough to carry out their orders. Life wasn't that bad. I was still very young and some of the other servants had taken a liking to me. I would work during the day and at night I would join them for dinner. They would dance and make music. I loved to watch them. I stayed with them until I turned ten."

 

Cassander swallowed hard. He knew the rest so he could finish the story for Nouri. "You were shipped off to Persia to be presented to Darius as a gift from King Philip." Realizing Nouri had never confirmed the King's name in this, he asked, "Was his name Philip?"

 

Nouri nodded once and didn't see any harm in confirming something Cassander already knew. "That was his name."

 

Cassander involuntarily held his breath when he asked, "Do you remember your family? Your name?"

 

"Cassander, that name is long lost to me. I am Nouri, no one else." Nouri lifted his head and shyly met Cassander's gaze. A strange feeling came over him and he wanted to touch Cassander's face, caress it. He lost himself looking into those green eyes, which sported speckles of grey that day, and he smiled ruefully. He had to address this, even though he didn't really want to. "Cassander, why are we here?"

 

"I thought you might enjoy seeing the gardens." Cassander gave Nouri a confused look. Hadn't he explained that to the younger man?

 

"Let me rephrase that. Cassander, why are you being so good to me? Why did you bring me food? The robes? And why did you take me away from the harem? Why did you demand that you could see me daily and why…why are we sitting so close?"

 

Cassander raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I thought you had realized… That you understood… After all, you have been in this situation before… Or haven't you?"

 

Nouri released a deep breath. "You aren't making any sense, Cassander."

 

Cassander smiled brilliantly at hearing Nouri's answer. Nouri was getting more and more comfortable around him and was beginning to speak his mind.

 

"And why are you grinning like that?" Nouri blinked.

 

"Because I realized just now that you are beginning to trust me. You don't fear me any more, do you?" Cassander felt happy.

 

Nouri frowned and searched his feelings. To his surprise, he found that Cassander had reached the right conclusion. "I don't… I am not afraid of you any more." What a strange realization. He should be afraid of Cassander! The older man was one of Alexander's Companions and thusly his superior.

 

"Oh, this is a good thing, don't worry about it!" Cassander turned a bit more toward Nouri and watched the other man's reaction closely when he raised his hand to brush back some elusive white locks. Nouri didn't flinch away, wasn't startled.

 

And Nouri realized that at the same moment as well. Cassander was right: he was beginning to trust Cassander. How could he not trust Cassander when those grayish-green eyes looked at him with so much…/love?/ Oh-oh, that couldn't be right!

 

"I think you just found out why we are sitting here and why I am holding your hand." Cassander had seen Nouri’s pupils dilate and had caught the sharp intake of breath, sure signs that Nouri had finally figured it out. "I am in love with you, Nouri. It is as simple as that. It took me by surprise as well...I never expected it to happen, but it did."

 

Nouri could only stare at Cassander. "You…no…that can't be." Startled, he rose from the bench, freed his hand of Cassander's hold, and took a few steps away from the older man. The cloak slipped from his shoulders and pooled on the floor around his feet. "You shouldn't!"

 

Cassander felt frozen now that Nouri was rejecting his love. He had been so certain that Nouri would give him a chance to prove his feelings! But the white-haired eunuch broke out into a run. Cassander felt dejected and figured it would be best if he didn't follow Nouri, since the eunuch apparently wanted to get away from him. His heart ached and threatened to break now that Nouri had simply run away.

 

/You are not giving up that easily are you, Cassander?/ a little voice inside his head whispered. /You don't even know why he ran. Maybe he returns your feelings, but feels you are mismatched because he is only a eunuch? You have seen how low his self-esteem is!/

 

Cassander perked up. That could be right. Thankful that this little voice had interfered, he picked up the cloak, draped it over an arm, and set out in the direction Nouri had disappeared in.

 

~~~

 

/No, this can't be happening. Bagoas can't be right. No one loves me! And Cassander knows…knows what I have been through. He has the least reason of all to fall in love with me!/ Nouri was running and didn't pay attention to where he was going. He covered one corridor after another until he finally realized that he was on his way back to the harem. He came to a sudden stop and shook his head. No, he wasn't going back there!

 

Shivering, he realized that he was lost. He should have paid attention to where he had been running, but he hadn't, and now, he didn't know how to get back to Alexander's rooms.

 

The sun had set and shadows crept along the walls. His shivering grew worse and Nouri wished he still had the warm cloak on him; it would have kept him warm.

 

He pressed himself close to the wall and tried to move as soundlessly as possible as he tried to find the way out. He was close to the dungeons, which were located below the harem and he wanted out of there as quickly as possible. Growing afraid, Nouri let his fingers explore the darkness which now enshrouded him. He had reached a window-less corridor and had a hard time seeing where he was going.

 

All of a sudden, someone grabbed him from behind. His attacker pulled hard at his hair and Nouri released a pain-filled scream. His attacker, already panting hard, yanked at his hair and this time, Nouri felt something cold and metallic slide across his face. It was sharp and cut into his skin. Warm blood dripped from his face and he yelled again, hoping against all hope that someone might hear him.

 

"Your eyes… Your eyes…"

 

The words whispered hotly against his neck froze the blood in Nouri's veins. Was this the same man who had attacked him that night when he had been asleep? Who was responsible for that scar below his eye? "Please, let me go…"

 

"No, they are mine… Such pretty eyes…" The man's voice had taken on a mad tone.

 

"Nouri, are you in here? Damn, it is dark!" Cassander, who had lost sight of Nouri only a few seconds ago, hoped he had chosen the right corridor to search. "Nouri?"

 

"No, not now!" The attacker suddenly pushed Nouri away from him and ran away.

 

"Nouri? What is happening?" Cassander had found a warm body in the darkness and wished that there was more light so he could identify the other man.

 

"Someone attacked me." Nouri pressed close to Cassander's body and felt the return of the furs around his body. "He said that I had pretty eyes and that they were his… By the Gods, I think it was the same man who attacked me in my sleep that night." Cassander was leading him back toward the moonlit corridors and he clung to the other man for safety and comfort. "I wasn't minding where I was going…"

 

"Calm yourself, please, Nouri." Cassander had finally pulled Nouri into the silver beams and he hissed as he saw the blood flowing down Nouri's face. "He hurt you."

 

Nouri raised a hand and touched his brow. His attacker had tried to aim for his eyes, but had slipped. Instead of cutting out his eyes, the mad man had cut his brow and had then let the knife slide downwards across his nose. "It is only a scratch."

 

"It is more than that. You need a healer." Cassander blamed himself for Nouri's injury. He should have been more subtle when telling Nouri he was in love with him. Instead, he had just blurted it out.

 

"I need to return to Hephaistion," Nouri answered, already half in shock. "I need to wait on him. He might need me and if I am not there, he will send me back to the harem because I am useless."

Cassander saw the upset expression on Nouri's face and realized fighting the injured man over this was not an option. Plus, Alexander had some healing skills. Alexander had always been interested in healing and had listened closely whenever Aristotle had taught them about medicine. Alexander could help. "I will walk you there." Cassander shrugged out of his outer robes, tore a piece off, and pressed it against Nouri's face. "Put some pressure on it. It will help stop the bleeding."

 

Nouri nodded and did as he was told. He was in shock and swayed. Thankfully, Cassander caught and steadied him.

 

Cassander established a tight hold on Nouri and then guided him to Alexander's rooms. After Alexander had taken care of Nouri's injury, Cassander vowed to track down the mad man who had done this and take him out.

 

~~~

 

"Alexander, open this damn door!" Cassander didn't have much patience at the moment. The cut refused to stop bleeding and Nouri, who had been pale to begin with, was turning as white as a sheet.

 

"What?" Alexander, who had been dozing, woke with a start. His hand which still rested on Hephaistion's hair was shaken off the moment his lover sat upright. Their gazes locked and Alexander was the first to leave the bed and make his way over to the door. He thought he had recognized Cassander's voice and wondered what the other man wanted from him in the dead of night.

 

At the same time, Bagoas stepped into the bedroom and his eyes sought out the scene at the door.

 

"Cassander, what do you…" Alexander failed to finish his question as he saw Nouri covered in blood standing before him. "Cassander, what did you do?" Alexander gave Cassander a look filled with disgust and pulled Nouri into the room with him. "Get out, Cassander, you did enough harm."

 

"No, I didn't do this! I helped Nouri when someone attacked him!" Cassander wasn't leaving! He stepped into the room and followed Alexander, who was leading Nouri to his desk.

 

"Cassander, I am not in the mood for…" Alexander had wanted to threaten Cassander should the other man not leave his rooms, but then Nouri shakily lifted a hand and rested it on his arm.

 

"Please, my King, Cassander speaks the truth… He tried to help me." Nouri felt tired, and speaking drained him even more. "He helped…"

 

Alexander remained skeptical, but focused on Nouri instead of Cassander. "Hephaistion, I need tepid water, a wash cloth, and that salve." Hephaistion knew what salve he was referring to. He always carried it with him; Aristotle had given him the recipe for it and Alexander had found that it was perfect to treat cuts with. He had used it on himself and Hephaistion whenever they had been injured.

 

"I will fetch the water," Bagoas declared, eager to help. He managed to exchange one look with Cassander and saw anger and concern in the other man's eyes.

 

"I am going to lower the cloth now," Alexander explained while prying the piece of fabric from Nouri's hands. He hissed as he saw how deep the cut was. "How did this happen?"

 

Hephaistion had fetched the salve and wash cloth and placed it on the desk. Bagoas brought in the bowl with water and Hephaistion took it from him.

 

Realizing Alexander and Hephaistion were going to tend to Nouri's injuries Bagoas made his way over to Cassander and gave him an encouraging look. "Nouri is strong. He will recover."

 

Hephaistion heard the words and briefly looked up to search Cassander's eyes. The expression in them told him all he needed to know. Cassander was speaking the truth: Nouri had been attacked and Cassander had come to his defense.

 

Alexander pulled up a chair and sat down. "Hephaistion? The wash cloth, please."

 

Nouri couldn't believe that the King himself was attending to his injuries. It was unheard of!

 

Alexander began to carefully clean the cut and hissed in sympathy as he saw the waves of pain washing over Nouri. "How did this happen?" Alexander repeated his question in the hope that it would draw Nouri from his shock and force him to focus.

 

"I got lost… I didn't know where I was and suddenly he grabbed me. He said that he wanted my eyes because they were pretty. Then Cassander arrived and chased him off." Nouri blinked and ignored the pain radiating from his face. "He attacked me before… Years ago… I didn't think he was still alive."

 

"This is obviously someone who has lost his mind. My men will track him down and dispose of the threat." Alexander had removed most of the blood and now reached for the jar which Hephaistion handed him.

 

The fact that he worried about Nouri surprised Hephaistion. He barely knew the eunuch and yet, he already cared about him.

 

Alexander smoothed the salve onto the cut. "It is deep and you will probably end up with another scar." Alexander smiled reassuringly at Nouri. "But at least you are still alive." Alexander's weak attempt at humor worked and when Nouri finally looked at him, the look felt like a reward. "You should lie down, Nouri. You lost blood and your body needs to recuperate."

 

"I will take good care of him," Bagoas stated before Cassander could claim that duty. "Come with me." He supported Nouri and together, they made their way into their room. "Lie down." Bagoas assisted Nouri in lying down and then studied his friend's face. The eyes were open, clouded-over, and showed that Nouri was still in some sort of shock.

 

Nouri curled up on his side and pulled the furs close. They kept him comfortably warm.

 

"You don't want to talk right now, do you?" Bagoas ran his fingers through the once more tangled hair. Nouri shook his head minutely, giving Bagoas his answer. "That is all right. We will talk later. Now close your eyes and try to rest. I will sit with you. You won't be alone should you fall asleep." Bagoas felt touched when Nouri reached out and wrapped his fingers around his. He couldn't remember Nouri ever reaching out before. "Why don't you dream of Cassander?" The suggestion brought a weak smile onto Nouri's face, just as Bagoas had hoped it would.

 

"You were right…he says…he loves me… can't be…can't be…" Nouri's eyes closed and he dozed off with a smile on his face.

 

"But it is happening, Nouri, and I am glad that he loves you. You deserve that...you deserve someone who loves you."

 

~~~

 

Alexander rose from his chair and advanced on Cassander. Circling the other man, he found that Cassander wasn’t growing intimidated. Cassander held his head high, didn't try to avoid looking at him and Cassander's hands had turned into fists. /He is ready to fight me, but over what?/

 

"I must admit to being a bit confused." Hephaistion sat down on the bed and studied Cassander's proud expression. "Why were you with Nouri?"

 

Alexander cocked his head and beat Cassander to the answer. "You were asleep when Nouri asked me permission to spend some time with a friend, who was going to take him for a walk. Was that you, Cassander?"

 

"Yes, I wanted to see him and spend time with him. And you aren't going to stop me from doing so!" He raised one fist and waved it at Alexander. "You don’t rule me, Alexander. Nouri is mine! He might serve you – or Hephaistion – but that doesn't mean he belongs to you!"

 

Hephaistion felt puzzled. He tilted his head and gazed ponderingly at Cassander. "Just now you said that Nouri doesn't belong to Alexander or me, but at the same time, you declare that Nouri is yours."

 

Cassander, who had been focused on Alexander, now shifted his gaze from the King to the man seated on the bed. "I mean that Nouri is mine to court." He had nothing to lose. Alexander had always hated him and Hephaistion had never trusted him, so why should he bother to lie? "I found him a few days ago in the harem. He was battered and bruised because the other eunuchs picked on him. I got him out of there and then Bagoas showed up, announcing you want Nouri as your servant."

 

Hephaistion was surprised and for once, that surprise showed since he didn't bother to hide it. "Cassander?"

 

"What? Do you really think that I have no heart? That I don't have any feelings? Well, let me tell you that I do! I do feel! I do love!" Cassander glared at Hephaistion, who looked rather amused and that realization only fuelled his anger. "Yes, I am human, Hephaistion! I can fall in love and I love Nouri! I won't allow you to take advantage of him in whatever way!"

 

"My, our mountain cat has sharp claws." Alexander watched Cassander spin around and caught the other man's arm before Cassander could throw a punch at him. "Calm down, Cassander. I appreciate honesty in my men and, even more so, courage." Cassander was determined to protect Nouri because he loved him! Yes, that surprised Alexander because, like so many of his men, Alexander had always thought Cassander much too arrogant to allow himself to fall in love.

 

"You might not see it that way, but Alexander paid you a compliment just now." Hephaistion got up from the bed and walked over to Cassander. "Did I understand correctly that you said that you were taking care of Nouri before Bagoas brought him here?"

 

"I didn't want him to go. He spent a life in servitude, Hephaistion. He has earned his freedom. He should be slave to no one."

 

Cassander's honesty impressed Alexander and Hephaistion. "What are your plans regarding Nouri?" Hephaistion asked, feeling a bit protective of the young eunuch who reminded him so much of Leander. "I don't want to see him hurt either."

 

"I will court him," Cassander answered resolutely. "I will win his love and, when I do, I will claim him as mine."

 

Alexander began to protest, but a look from his Hephaistion shut him up.

 

"I understand," Hephaistion murmured as he placed a hand on Alexander's shoulder to calm his lover down. "You want him as your mate."

 

Alexander raised an eyebrow.

 

"I want us to be lovers and to live like you do. I don't want him to obey me, if that is what you are thinking," Cassander replied, addressing Alexander. "I want him to be happy."

 

Hephaistion considered everything he had heard. One look from Alexander told him that his lover would allow him to make the decisions where Nouri was concerned. Alexander wouldn't interfere. In the end, Hephaistion nodded his head and declared, "Nouri is a free soul. He doesn't belong to me. You know I do not keep slaves. Court him, if you desire so. I will not stand in your way, but…"

 

Cassander met Hephaistion's challenging gaze head-on.

 

"But if you *do* hurt him, by Zeus, I promise that you will pay for it." Cassander actually smiled and that reaction surprised Hephaistion.

 

"I won't hurt him, but if I ever should do so, for whatever reason, I count on you to make me pay. I am relieved to see that he has found a friend in you…Hephaistion."

 

Hephaistion blinked: this was the first time that Cassander hadn't spoken his name with hatred dripping from it.

 

Alexander realized the same thing and wondered about the strange effect Nouri had on all of them.

 

TBC

 

Family Secrets

Part 7

 

"I will try to be as quick as I can, but I suspect I won't be back until late this evening." Alexander pressed a kiss onto Hephaistion's lips, regretting having to leave his lover for the day. But there was no way he could get out of this meeting with Persia’s most influential nobles. He would have preferred to let Hephaistion handle the draining meeting, but the nobles had requested the King's presence specifically, which meant he had to attend. "I miss you already."

 

Hephaistion rested his hand at the nape of Alexander's neck and gave his lover a reassuring smile. He knew how much Alexander detested having to attend such boring meetings and he hoped the nobles would state their requests quickly, but Bagoas had already warned him that they would insist on ceremony and that the meeting would take most of the day. "Bagoas, take good care of Alexander for me," Hephaistion requested as he walked his lover to the doorway. "Keep an eye out on potential traitors amongst the nobles. You know what to look for." Bagoas would accompany Alexander that day and would see to it that all of the speeches were translated correctly.

 

"I will." Bagoas nodded once and then gave Hephaistion a pleading look. "Will you look in on Nouri once in while? He was still asleep when I left and he doesn't know I won't be around today. I don't want him to panic."

 

"I will keep an eye on him." Hephaistion closed the door behind Alexander and Bagoas and then turned around. He planned on doing more than just keep an eye on Nouri: he was hoping to befriend the young man as well.

 

~~~

 

The first thing Nouri grew aware of upon waking was the pain that radiated from his face. He instinctively raised a hand to check on what was causing it, but then recalled his having been attacked and injured. The insane astrologer had cut him and afterwards, Alexander had attended to his injury. It still shocked him that the King himself had done so. He had never expected that.

 

"Does your face still hurt? The cut was rather deep." Hephaistion had settled down on the side of the bed and had waited for Nouri to open his eyes. Seeing disorientation and confusion in them, he judged it best to speak. "I can apply more of that balm." He leaned in closer to check on the cut. "It is healing, but applying that salve will help your skin heal."

 

Nouri felt startled to see that Hephaistion was sitting so close to him. He had expected to find Bagoas close, not Hephaistion. Hephaistion was the King's lover, a General, and a Companion; even the King himself had said that Hephaistion was Alexander too. Nouri was very much aware of the fact that he was looking at the second-most powerful man in Alexander's empire. "I can apply the salve myself, my Lord. You don't have to look after me. I should be serving you instead of lying in my bed long past sun rise."

 

Hephaistion shook his head and raised a hand. He had dipped his fingertips in the salve and now smeared the balm onto the cut. "You should stay in bed and rest today."

 

"But I am your servant, my Lord! I can't stay in bed all day long!" Nouri didn't understand Hephaistion. He simply didn't understand just how easily the General set aside their differences in social standing. Hephaistion treated him like a friend, not like a slave, which he really was!

 

"Nouri, please let me take care of you." Hephaistion gave the eunuch a pleading look.

 

"Why?" Nouri hadn't wanted to ask the question, knowing very well that he had no right to question his superior, but the question had just slipped out.

 

Hephaistion finished applying the balm and used a corner of the sheet to wipe off the excess salve from his hands. He smiled ruefully and then gingerly stroked the white hair which reminded him so much of Leander's. "I had a little brother once, Nouri. He was a toddler when I left home and I loved him dearly. I was already looking forward to going home during the days off from school, but then my father told me that my younger brother had died."

 

"I am sorry for your loss." Nouri really felt sorry for Hephaistion. The look in the midnight-blue eyes told him that Hephaistion still mourned losing his younger brother. "I had a brother once too," he added, trying to offer Hephaistion some comfort. "An older brother and I loved him so much. I was still very young and it must have annoyed him to no end that I followed him around, but he always let me tag along."

 

"What happened to him?" Hephaistion continued to stroke the white hair and realized that the touch was having a soothing effect on Nouri. The fear which had shone from his eyes at the beginning of their conversation was fading now.

 

"I don't know. I never saw him again when I became a servant in another household." Nouri grew aware of how tender and soothing Hephaistion's touch was. It felt comforting and he didn't feel any need to move away. He liked Hephaistion. "You must have loved your brother a lot. I can see it in your eyes."

 

Hephaistion managed a weak smile. "I loved Leander – his life, his energy, his smile." Nouri suddenly tensed under his touch and Hephaistion frowned, wondering why. "He was only three when I left for school. I should have stayed, but I had nothing to say in the matter. Father decided that I should go. Leander had hair like yours and his skin was also delicately pale. You remind me of him."

 

Nouri fought hard to control his raging emotions. There were too many coincidences and he had realized the truth the moment Hephaistion had told him about his brother's looks. There was only one way to find out for certain if Hephaistion was his 'Pai' or not. He hoped fervently that he had reached the wrong conclusion, because he wouldn't be able to bear his shame should he really be Hephaistion's younger brother.

 

Hephaistion remained motionless when Nouri unexpectedly raised his right hand to slide his fingers through his hair. Seeing the shock in Nouri's pale eyes, he reckoned the eunuch was doing this in order to calm himself and so he allowed the touch. He didn't know what had startled Nouri in the first place, but if Nouri needed to touch him – for whatever reason – Hephaistion would allow it.

 

Nouri involuntarily sucked in his breath, seeing the small tattoo behind Hephaistion's ear. It was small and most of the time hidden by the long, auburn hair, but it was there and Nouri knew about its whereabouts because he had been marked in the same way. He also had a small tattoo behind his right ear.

 

"Nouri? What is amiss? You don't look well and you have started to tremble. Are you cold? Do you need more blankets? Or is it something else?" Hephaistion blinked when Nouri's hand landed on the mattress. It looked as if Nouri suddenly lacked the strength to keep it extended. "Or are you hungry? Would you like some wine? I can water it down for you."

 

"Please, my Lord… Leave me… I need a moment… alone…please." Nouri curled up on his side and turned his back toward Hephaistion – his Pai. He had never made the connection, had never suspected his Pai and Hephaistion could be the same person. By the gods, Hephaistion was his older brother! The older boy who had looked after him, had brought him to the healers, and had let him tag along. Hephaistion was his brother…*His brother*… His older brother, who had always been his protector.

 

"I didn't mean to upset you," Hephaistion murmured as he rose from the bed. "Please let me know if there is something I can do for you once you have calmed down. I am in the next room and I will be there for the rest of the day. You are always welcome to join me there. You don't have to stay here on your own." He had no idea what had caused Nouri to emotionally retreat and he regretted that he had shared his pain with the younger man when he should have offered a listening ear instead. After all, it was Nouri who was hurting.

 

"Please…go away, my Lord." Nouri squeezed his eyes shut and listened for the door to close. Once it did, he released his tears and wept. Hephaistion was his older brother and thought Leander had died. Hephaistion didn't know that Leander had been handed off to Antipater, who had taken the boy in and had agreed to raise him. Leander had then become a servant and eventually Philip's instrument in buying peace with Darius. Hephaistion didn't know this – thank the gods for that!

 

Nouri's eyes opened and he angrily wiped at his tears. Hephaistion didn't know that his younger brother had been castrated, turned into a whore, and raped. Hephaistion could never know! Yes, he would protect Hephaistion from further pain. He would never allow for Hephaistion to find out the truth. He didn't want Hephaistion to know that he had a castrated whore for a brother. Never! Hephaistion would never uncover the truth! Never!

 

Nouri drew in a shaky breath and let the rest of his tears flow down his face. As a child, he had adored his Pai and now he remembered his brother's full name – Hephaistion – the name he had been unable to pronounce as a child.

 

/No, he isn't my brother. I can't think of Hephaistion in that way. He is Hephaistion, the King's lover, a General, and a Companion. He isn't my brother! I am not his brother! I am nothing compared to him. I have to protect him…he can never find out what happened to me!/

 

And so he made a vow which was never spoken aloud, but very much alive in his mind: he vowed that Hephaistion would never find out the truth about him and, in order to ensure that, Nouri would do whatever was necessary to keep the truth from Hephaistion.

 

~~~

 

Throughout the day, Hephaistion kept glancing at the door which led to Nouri's room. All day long, he had hoped that Nouri would join him, but the door had remained close. Now, Hephaistion was growing worried and was more than a little fed up with the eunuch's behavior. After walking over to the door, he knocked and called, "Nouri, come out. You need to eat. You haven't eaten all day!"

 

Hephaistion didn't really expect for his words to have any effect, but a moment later the door opened and Nouri appeared in the doorway. He was still dressed in the robe Cassander had given him and he had left his cloak on the bed.

 

"Is there anything I can do to be of service?" Nouri kept his gaze lowered, not daring to make eye contact with Hephaistion since he didn't know what the older man would see in his swimming eyes.

 

"Yes, you can sit down and eat." Hephaistion threw caution to the wind and wrapped an arm around Nouri's shoulder. Once they were in close contact, he couldn't help but notice the fierce tremors that rocked the younger man's body. "I am sorry that I brought up Leander. I shouldn't have done that."

 

Nouri's shivers grew even more pronounced and Hephaistion felt relieved once Nouri lowered himself onto a chair. For one moment Hephaistion had been afraid that the other man's knees would give out on him. Hephaistion seated himself opposite Nouri and watched the eunuch. Nouri's eyes were red and puffy from crying and he looked exhausted overall. /He looks like he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders./

 

Nouri stared at the food. He couldn't eat any. He knew that if he did, he would throw it right up again. He felt queasy. It was no wonder that he felt like this: he had just had his world upended. /This is my brother, my Pai, who is looking…No, I can't think like that! This is Hephaistion, my Lord and master! We aren't brothers! Not any more!/

 

"Maybe I should ask Cassander to join us?" Hephaistion was at a loss. Why did Nouri keep giving him such depressed looks? Hephaistion had always had a way with people and knew how to charm them – make them feel at ease. Nouri however seemed to be the exception. "I am a friend," he stated when Nouri didn't react and he placed his hand atop of Nouri's pale one. But before he could rest his fingers atop of Nouri's, the other man pulled his hand back as if bitten by a snake. "I am sorry. I didn't want to…" What? He hadn't wanted to what? Scare him? Hephaistion's confusion increased. What was he supposed to do?

 

A knock delivered onto their door saved Hephaistion and broke the awkward silence which had formed between them. "That will be Cassander," Hephaistion declared, feeling relieved that Cassander had arrived. But at the same time, he felt disappointed in himself that he had failed to gain Nouri's trust. "I will let him in."

 

While Hephaistion made his way over to the door, Nouri followed the older man's form with his eyes. He had always dreamt of being reunited with his brother...a brother who had protected and loved him. But now that he had found his Pai, he could never tell him the truth.

 

Hephaistion opened the door and released a relieved sigh when Cassander stepped inside. "I can't get him to eat."

 

Cassander noticed Hephaistion's worried and confused expression and advanced on the white-haired man who seemed to shrink into himself. The food on Nouri's plate was untouched and the fingers trembled nervously against the fabric of his robes. "Good evening, Nouri. You know, we can't go on our walk if you don't eat something."

 

"I can't," Nouri murmured, keeping his gaze directed at his hands which rested in his lap. "I am nauseous. If I eat now, I will throw up."

 

Nouri's resigned almost submissive behavior greatly worried Cassander. He exchanged a look with Hephaistion, certain that the other man had done something to upset Nouri, but Hephaistion only shrugged his shoulders and Cassander had to admit that the expression in the blue eyes was honestly confused. Hephaistion didn't know either why Nouri was acting this way.

 

Cassander reached for some bread, fruit, and cheese and packed it into a napkin. Once he had bundled up the food, he presented a hand to Nouri. "Are you ready?"

 

"Where are we going?" Nouri placed his hand in Cassander's. He didn't want to leave the safety of Alexander's rooms since the mad astrologer was still roaming about the palace, but he couldn't stay close to Hephaistion either. He constantly had to fight the urge to fling himself at his brother and hold him close. Nouri rose from his chair and carefully avoided making eye contact with Hephaistion, who was hovering close.

 

Hephaistion felt guilty for making Nouri feel so upset, but he truthfully had no idea what had caused it. "Walk him back, Cassander. I don't want Nouri on his own as long as his attacker is still out there."

 

"Oh, you can be certain that I won't let him out of my sight." Cassander tightly curled his fingers around Nouri's and was surprised when the eunuch returned the squeeze. "I will bring him back before midnight."

 

Hephaistion felt like he had let Nouri down, but he couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. Nouri seemed eager to get away from him and Hephaistion did the only thing he could do – he let Nouri go.

 

~~~

 

"Something has upset you." Cassander had decided against visiting the gardens that night. There were just too many places for Nouri's attacker to hide and he had guided Nouri to his rooms instead. They had settled down on the windowsill and Cassander had been thrilled when Nouri had rested his back against him. He had slowly wrapped his arms around Nouri and had then pulled the eunuch between his legs until he could wrap them around the shivering form too. Nouri was cold again and Cassander hoped that his body heat was enough to keep the white-haired man warm. "What happened? Was it something Hephaistion did?"

 

"No, Hephaistion did nothing wrong. It is me. I remembered something." Nouri rested the back of his head against Cassander's shoulder and pressed closer to the other man. It amazed him…this need to feel close to Cassander. Cassander's arms around him didn't feel constricting or possessive; it felt right instead. He wanted this; he wanted to be close to Cassander and to be held by him. "I realized something," he added, trying to clarify what he meant.

 

"What did you realize?" Cassander had never been a patient man, but Nouri brought out the best in him and he told himself to go slow. He wouldn't get anywhere with pressuring Nouri.

 

"I realized that my brother would be disgusted if he knew what I have become." Nouri closed his eyes and wiggled about until Cassander could tighten his hold on him. "I am a whore, Cassander, and that is something you refuse to see. My brother would hate me for what I let them do to me. I let them sell me off, rape me, and castrate me. I disgraced my family."

 

"How can you say such a thing?" Cassander had a hard time remaining calm, but for Nouri's sake, he tried. "You were a child when Philip sent you off to Persia. You had no way to defend yourself against Darius. He was the King and you were a child. Those awful things didn't happen to you because you let them happen, Nouri. They happened because powerful men decided to use you in their political games. You are the victim."

 

"But that doesn't change what I am."

 

"And what is that?" Cassander's hold on Nouri had become rather tight and he wondered if it wasn't too constricting, but Nouri didn't try to move away from him. The white-haired man pressed even closer to him.

 

"I am a eunuch, Cassander. I am not even a man. How do you think my brother would feel about that?"

 

"If I were your brother, I would want revenge on the men who did this to you. I would hunt them down and make each and every one of them pay."

 

Nouri turned his head toward Cassander and looked at him with big, surprise-filled eyes.

 

"And once I had avenged you, I would tell you that I still love you and that it wasn't your fault what had happened to you. If I were your brother, I would spend the rest of my life loving you and trying to make you see just how special a person you are."

 

"But you aren't my brother." Cassander had loosened his hold slightly, which gave Nouri the chance to move in the embrace until he could look Cassander in the eye.

 

"No, I am not." Cassander moistened his lips. This was the moment he had been waiting for. "I want to be your lover, Nouri. I want your permission to court you." The look Nouri gave him was puzzled and almost comical. "Why are you looking at me like that? I mean it! I love you! You know that I am in love with you, so why does this surprise you?"

 

"Cassander, I just told you what I am." Nouri wanted to say more, but Cassander spoke first.

 

"No! You told me what you think you are! That is not who I see when I look at you!" Cassander's tone, as well as his expression, became determined. "You are so much more! You managed to stay caring throughout everything that has happened to you and you have a sweet quality about you that attracts me. Nouri, I don't think of you as a whore, only you do. I think of you as a handsome, bright young man who has suffered terribly in his life. That is who I see when I look at you and I want nothing more than a chance to prove to you that I mean it. I am willing to prove my love to you in whatever way you demand!"

 

Nouri blinked. "Cassander, you can do so much better than me. I only know how to please between the sheets. I can scream, if that is what you want. Or I can be submissive…I will do everything you want, but…"

 

"Stop talking like that!" Cassander was growing frustrated and, even more so, angry. Not with Nouri, but with the men who had made Nouri into the easily frightened young man with such low self-esteem. "Do you really think that is what I want? What I am after? Nouri, if I had wanted to bed you, I could have done so that first evening! I didn't, and do you know why? Because I have feelings for you! I love you!"

 

Nouri had the grace to blush and to lower his gaze at hearing Cassander's passionate words. "You are the first to mean those words then."

 

"What?" Cassander's eyes widened.

"You would be amazed to learn what some men will do to make me comply in bed. Some of them whispered words of love… And I was young and believed them."

 

Cassander wished he could cleave the bastards' heads in two for lying to Nouri in such a way. "I am so sorry they hurt you like that, but Nouri, I am not like that." Cassander prayed to whatever gods were listening that Nouri would *really* hear him. "I am not saying that I love you so we will end up in bed. I am telling you that I love you because I hope you will feel the same way about me, and when you don't yet, that you will give me the chance to prove to you that I am a worthy partner."

 

"Partner?" Nouri frowned at Cassander's choice of words.

 

"Yes…Nouri, I want you… I want all of you… I don't want you to just warm my bed at night because you think it is your duty to do that. I want you in my arms because I love you. I want to kiss you and hold you. I want to make you happy." Cassander was running out of ways to explain his feelings to Nouri. "I want you at my side. I want you for my mate."

 

Nouri was speechless. He had expected Cassander to try to bed him and truth be told, Cassander was the first man Nouri wouldn't have struggled to get away from. He would have given Cassander what he had wanted and maybe, he would have enjoyed the other man's touch. But what Cassander was saying now was completely unexpected. "Cassander, I am a eunuch…a whore."

 

"No, you are not a whore! You are a handsome, bright man who also happens to be extremely stubborn!" Cassander wanted to shake some sense into Nouri, but didn't, knowing it would only frighten the eunuch. "Nouri, please…give me this chance to prove my love to you. Accept me."

 

"Cassander, this isn't my decision to make. I belong to the King. Only he can decide if I am to take a lover and who that is. I have nothing to say about that." Nouri was fighting his tears which were threatening to spill from his eyes. He believed Cassander, believed every word the older man said and he wanted it too: to love and be happy, but he had always known that he would never have it. He had even made his peace with it, and now Cassander was asking him to change his beliefs.

 

"I seriously doubt Alexander cares about who you accept as a lover." Cassander already had Alexander and Hephaistion's permission, but Nouri didn't know that. "He will permit it, I am certain." The wide-eyed look Nouri continued to give him tore at Cassander's heart. It was clear that Nouri didn't think that someone could really love him. "And I know that your brother would still love you, had he been around today. You have a very special soul, Nouri. It still shines so warmly, so invitingly, even after all you have been through, and I know that somewhere deep down, a different person lurks. And until he is ready to show himself, I will wait. I will be patient. Nouri, if you accept me, your life will change. *You* will change. Please give us this chance!"

 

"I don’t really understand what you are asking of me," Nouri replied eventually. "You are the first to love me and…Cassander, there is so little to love about me. I am afraid that you will quickly realize that and that you will take back your promises of love and happiness." Nouri was amazed that he could be this honest with Cassander. They were truths he was only now admitting to himself and the fact that he was sharing them with Cassander quite frankly stunned him. "I am afraid, Cassander, can you understand that? You entered my life a few days ago and you…you are this whirlwind that swept me off my feet. I don't believe in love, Cassander. I have been hurt too many times to believe that someone wants to love me. All they want is to use my body as they please." Cassander was about to say something, but Nouri shook his head and continued. "I am not saying that you are like those men, Cassander. I know you are not. You have had plenty of opportunities to have your way with me, but instead of doing that, you prefer for us to sit here, snuggled up on the windowsill."

 

Cassander realized he had to remain quiet or else he would spoil the magical moment.

 

"Cassander, I have only ever trusted two people in my life. The first one was my older brother, my Pai, and the second one is Bagoas. And now I find that I trust you too and that frightens me for it means you now have the power to hurt me."

 

"I would never willingly hurt you!" Cassander blurted out and instantly tried to be quiet again and really listen to Nouri.

 

"I know that, Cassander…but…I need more time… It has only been days since we met and you are asking me to choose you – to accept you as a lover, while I don't even have the authority to do so."

 

Cassander raised his hand and caressed Nouri's face. Delighted, he found that the younger man eagerly leaned into the touch. "You think too much," he whispered fondly.

 

"Maybe," Nouri admitted. "But Cassander, we can never work. You must realize that."

 

"Why not?"

 

"I am…"

 

"You are the person I love and want to be with and that makes me confident that we will work out. Please, Nouri, stop fighting this. Accept me. Give us this chance. Give yourself a chance to experience love. Give yourself a chance at happiness. You have been miserable for so long and I know that I can make you happy. Please," Cassander begged shamelessly.

 

"Cassander, even if I said yes, you would still have to obtain the King's permission. I am a eunuch. I am part of his harem. He is my master."

 

"Nouri? Last night, after you retired with Bagoas, I talked to Alexander and Hephaistion. I told them about my intentions and they said they weren't going to stand in our way. If you don't believe me, ask Alexander and Hephaistion when I take you back." Cassander slid his fingers into the long, ashen hair. "I am speaking the truth. I would never lie to you."

 

"How can you even look at me the way I am now?" Nouri tried to hide behind his hair, but Cassander quickly swept the strands aside. "I look horrible right now… The cut is still healing and…"

 

"Nouri, I love you for who you are and not for the way you look, although I must admit you come close to perfection." Seeing Nouri was about to protest, Cassander added, "And that cut will heal and the scar will eventually fade. I just wish I had been there to keep that mad man from hurting you." Slowly, Cassander pulled Nouri close again. "Just give us this one chance. I won't let you down."

 

Nouri was too drained and confused to continue fighting Cassander over this. His head was still reeling from the realization that Hephaistion was his Pai and now Cassander had declared to love him and wanted to be with him. He simply lacked the energy to fight this as well.

 

He already hurt tremendously because he could never tell Hephaistion that Leander had never died, but was still alive, although he had been made into a pitiful creature that had lived in Darius' harem.

 

Maybe now that he couldn't have Hephaistion's love, he might have Cassander's for a little while – until the older man tired of him or realized that he had chosen to be with a whore. No matter what the reason would be Nouri was convinced that Cassander would eventually tire of him and renounce all his promises. /Yes, I want this, even if it will only last for a short while. I want to know what it is like to be loved and cared for./

 

"Nouri? Please share your thoughts with me." Cassander wanted to kiss the worries from Nouri's eyes and make the younger man glow with love and happiness, but would Nouri let him? "What did you decide?"

 

Nouri swallowed hard, moistened his lips, and nervously buried his fingers in Cassander's robes. "I know that I am making a mistake by saying yes to you. I shouldn't. You will realize that I am not the person you want to spend your life with and I…"

 

"Nouri, did you just say yes?" Cassander pointedly ignored the rest of Nouri's rambling.

 

"I did…" Nouri shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea what I just agreed to though." Gingerly, he looked at Cassander and was stunned to see the radiant smile on the dark-haired man's face. Cassander looked pleased – happy.

 

"I promise you that you won't regret this." Cassander drew in a deep breath and actually felt nervous now that he was going to do this. Leaning in closer, he slid one hand up to Nouri's neck, cupped the back of the younger man's head, and gently touched his lips to his future lover's.

 

Nouri never expected for Cassander to kiss him and his first reaction was to fight him off. But then Cassander's fingers stroked the nape of his neck and the lips that claimed his were tender – so very tender that his fear melted. Maybe being loved by Cassander wouldn't hurt that much – that is, until the older man left him.

 

TBC

 

Family Secrets

Part 8

 

"I liked that." Cassander kept his tone light and warm. He could tell by looking into Nouri's eyes that his action had surprised the eunuch. "Did you like it too?" Nouri actually giggled and the sound had Cassander hard within seconds. There was so much mirth and affection in that chuckle that it made Cassander want to shower Nouri's face with more kisses, but he didn't, knowing it would overwhelm his future lover.

 

"I did." Nouri smiled at Cassander and, before he knew what he was doing, he had raised his hand and was sliding his fingers through the dark hair. He removed the leather tie that kept Cassander's hair in place and finger-combed the strands. "I didn't expect for you to kiss me though."

 

Cassander practically held his breath as Nouri stroked his hair. It was the first time that Nouri had taken the initiative and was touching him so intimately out of his own accord. He liked it; liked the way the fingers brushed against his scalp. "I don't want to return you to Hephaistion's rooms. I want to keep you here and wrap you up in blankets and hold you through the night."

 

Nouri's face grew flustered. Any other man might have taken advantage of him and would have forced him, but not Cassander...and he loved Cassander even more for being so thoughtful. But now that Cassander had brought up Hephaistion, his smile faded and reality crashed in on him again. How could he possibly face Hephaistion and pretend that nothing had changed when his whole world had been upended?

 

Cassander noticed how gloomy Nouri's expression had become when he had mentioned Hephaistion. "You said that Hephaistion didn't do anything to cause you to feel this way...are you certain about that? You seem so sad all of a sudden."

 

"It is not Hephaistion's fault. It is mine." Nouri caressed Cassander's face and his breath caught when the dark-haired man leaned into the touch. "I should go back. I am already fortunate that he allows me to spend so much time with you."

 

Cassander bit back an angry remark. If Bagoas hadn't talked Nouri into becoming Hephaistion's servant, they could have been together all the time. "I will walk you back."

 

Nouri nodded his head and disentangled himself from Cassander's form. He slowly got to his feet and suddenly felt dizzy. His face still hurt and a headache was forming behind his eyes.

 

"I have you." Cassander, having seen Nouri sway, steadied his future lover and took his place at Nouri's side. "What is amiss?"

 

"My face still hurts and I am not feeling well."

 

Cassander nodded once and steered Nouri toward his bed. "Sit down." Once Nouri was securely seated on the bed, Cassander fetched water and food and placed the tray on Nouri's lap. "Eat something."

 

Nouri ate slowly. Fast or abrupt movements caused his face to twitch with pain. Once he had eaten enough and no longer felt so queasy, he made eye contact with Cassander. He had never felt these feelings before and they confused him. He didn't want to part from Cassander. He wanted to snuggle up to him in bed instead and savor having Cassander close. But he had to return to Hephaistion now – his master, not his brother...his master. Thinking about Hephaistion, and his fear of slipping only worsened his headache. He had to be careful around Hephaistion. He could never let the truth slip.

 

~~~

 

"Cassander, you can stop worrying about me. Nothing has happened. You kept me safe." They had reached the door to Alexander's rooms and Nouri was nervously shuffling his feet now that Cassander refused to let go of his hand.

 

"I won't leave until you are safely inside." Cassander knocked on the door and then turned toward Nouri. "You know that you can always come to me no matter what happens? If you need to get away from Hephaistion, for whatever reason, please come to me." Cassander worried about his future lover. Nouri was extremely pale and the fingers which rested in his twitched uncontrollably. If he didn't know any better he would say that Nouri was afraid of Hephaistion.

 

Hephaistion opened the door and smiled at them. "Come inside, Nouri." He stepped aside and waited for the younger man to say his goodbyes to Cassander. Although Hephaistion was relieved that Nouri had returned to him, he couldn't help but notice the younger man's paleness and nervousness.

 

"I will be back for you tomorrow, Nouri." Ignoring Hephaistion's presence, Cassander folded an arm around Nouri's waist and leaned in closer to press another kiss onto the younger man's lips. Now that he had tasted Nouri's lips, he wanted more.

 

Nouri blushed fiercely as Hephaistion bore witness to the kiss and moved away from Cassander the moment the dark-haired man let him go. He quickly stepped into Alexander's rooms.

 

Cassander smiled ruefully. Nouri didn't know how to react to his kisses and his closeness and it only showed to illustrate just how little love Nouri had known in the past. "Take good care of him, Hephaistion. He has been complaining about being nauseous and having a headache. He did manage to eat something though."

 

"I will look after him." A silent glance traveled back and forth Cassander between Hephaistion and Hephaistion nodded to confirm his words. Yes, he would take care of Nouri.

 

Satisfied that Nouri was in good hands, Cassander turned and began to walk away.

 

~~~

 

Hephaistion was determined to be a better host and a much better friend this time around. As Nouri stood indecisively in the center of the room, Hephaistion walked up to him and placed a hand on the eunuch's shoulder. Nouri flinched and tried to twist away so he could break the contact, but this time, Hephaistion wouldn't allow it and kept Nouri in place. A defeated expression appeared on the much too pale face and Hephaistion wished he knew how to comfort the younger man.

 

"Nouri, would you please look at me?" Hephaistion didn't dare to remove his hand from Nouri's shoulder, afraid the young man might run for the safety of his room.

 

"Please don't ask that of me." Hephaistion had no idea what this was doing to him. He was so close to his older brother and it took every ounce of his self-discipline not to move or throw himself at Hephaistion and burst into tears.

 

"I am sorry, but I must insist." In order to confirm his words, Hephaistion raised Nouri's chin with his other hand. The pale eyes were swimming and emotions which Hephaistion failed to identify stared at him with a frightening intensity. "Did I do anything wrong? Are you afraid of me? Do you hate me? Why do you flinch when I touch you?"

 

Nouri's mouth had gone dry and he had a hard time swallowing. Why was Hephaistion asking him all these questions?

 

"Are you afraid of me? Did I do something that frightened you? If I did, please tell me, because that was never my intention." Seeing Nouri sway slightly, Hephaistion steered the younger man toward a luxurious couch. He pushed Nouri down until the younger man sat and then seated himself next to him. "I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want to be your friend." He cringed as he realized that there were tears sliding down Nouri's cheeks. "Why are you crying? Please tell me." Now that Nouri was sitting down, Hephaistion didn't think the younger man would try to run away from him and he moved his hand which had been resting on Nouri's shoulder lower so he could wrap his fingers around the long, trembling ones of the eunuch.

 

Nouri knew he had to say something. He had to make up some story Hephaistion would believe, for then his brother would stop asking all the questions. But what would make Hephaistion believe him? In the end, Nouri ended up twisting the truth. "You remind me of someone, my Lord. You remind me of someone I cared about. Someone I loved…"

 

Hephaistion released the breath he had been holding. He felt relieved now that Nouri was finally opening up to him. "I don't want to pry, but…?"

 

"I had a brother once… An older brother and I loved him dearly. You remind me of him, my Lord. You are just as kind as he was." Nouri hoped the explanation would satisfy Hephaistion.

 

"Do you know what became of him? You told me that you had become a servant when you were a child. What happened to your brother? Did he become a servant in another household?" Maybe he could track Nouri's brother down and reunite the two of them.

 

"I don't know, my Lord." Nouri lowered his gaze, unable to continue looking at Hephaistion's compassionate eyes any longer. He tried hard to stop weeping as well, but he couldn't. The fact that Hephaistion was so close and yet so far away made his heart ache. All he wanted was to fling himself at his brother and be held by him.

 

Nouri started when Hephaistion wrapped his arms around him and then embraced him. It was a light embrace, one he could easily break if he desired so.

 

Hephaistion felt Nouri tremble against him and slowly pulled the younger man close. Hugging Nouri, he brought a hand up along the eunuch's back and guided the pale head to his shoulder. "It seems we both miss our brothers, Nouri."

 

Nouri soaked up Hephaistion's closeness and never wanted to let go again, but he knew this had to end. He couldn't lose himself in the fantasy that his brother still loved him. Hephaistion's behavior would change the moment he found out the truth. It was one thing to comfort a eunuch who had been harassed by the other eunuchs and had been attacked the other night. And it was another to accept that one’s little brother had been castrated and raped.

 

"Can we become friends, Nouri? I would like that." Hephaistion pulled away so he could probe the expression in those hauntingly pale eyes.

 

Nouri swallowed hard, but the lump of emotions that had settled in his throat refused to go away. Allowing Hephaistion to befriend him was dangerous. He might begin to feel more at ease around Hephaistion and then he would be more liable to let something slip. But on the other hand, how could he deny Hephaistion? "We can try," he whispered eventually.

 

Hephaistion smiled in relief and rubbed Nouri's back through the fabric of the robes. "Thank you."

 

"And now what?" Nouri felt nervous with being so close to his brother. It was easy to forget that things had changed between them since childhood. He still wanted to follow Hephaistion around and be close to him.

 

"And now we are going to sleep." But first, he would clean the cut and apply more balm. "Stay here for now. I will be right back." Nouri had raised his head and was looking at him. Hephaistion's heart missed a few beats as he saw the trusting expression in them. Why hadn't he noticed that before? Nouri wasn't afraid of him, not at all!

 

Nouri managed a weak smile and remained where he was. It felt like old times, having Hephaistion look after him. He had missed that.

 

Hephaistion returned carrying a bowl with tepid water, a wash cloth, and the salve. "I will try to be gentle, but I lack Alexander's expert touch." The fact that Nouri was still smiling at him surprised him, but it also greatly pleased him. As carefully as possible, he cleaned the cut and then applied more balm. "It is healing nicely. Whatever you do, don't scratch off the crust. If you do that, it will slow down the healing process and you might end up with a more pronounced scar."

 

"I won't scratch." Nouri knew he was smiling in a silly way at Hephaistion and that it was making his brother wonder, but he couldn't stop smiling like that. He was too happy to have Hephaistion as a friend now that he couldn't have him for a brother.

 

"Do you want to eat something? Cassander said you had eaten something, but was it enough?" Hephaistion was pushing back the covers of Alexander's big, luxurious bed, but at the same time, he kept a close eye on Nouri as well. The change that had come over the younger man was remarkable. Nouri had stopped trembling and when those pale eyes looked at him, it was with trust and acceptance.

 

"No, I ate my fill." He wasn't used to eating large amounts of food. "I shall leave you now so you can go to bed."

 

"Nouri, wait!" Hephaistion covered the distance between them in a few steps and took hold of the other man's hand. Pleased that Nouri didn't flinch or pull away, Hephaistion said, "Please don't go. I was hoping you would stay."

 

Now, Nouri did feel alarmed. He couldn't have read Hephaistion wrong! Hephaistion had spoken of friendship, not…that. Oh, by the gods, he hoped he had reached the wrong conclusion! They were brothers! He couldn't let Hephaistion do that to him!

 

Hephaistion realized what was wrong the moment Nouri tried to squirm away from him, but since he had a tight hold on the other man's wrist Nouri's attempts were bound to fail. "No!" Hephaistion shook his head. "I thought you would like to sleep here instead of your own room since Bagoas isn't around to share his body warmth with you." Hephaistion felt shocked that Nouri had drawn the wrong conclusion. "I love Alexander and I know you are in love with Cassander!" The fear and distrust fled Nouri's eyes again and Hephaistion sighed, relieved. "Cassander would have my head if I dared to touch you in that way!"

 

Nouri chuckled and then quickly covered his mouth with his hand, shocked that he had done so. Hephaistion remained his Lord and master and he had to show him proper respect. Laughing at him wouldn't do!

 

Hephaistion however didn't mind. Hearing the chuckling pleased him and he proceeded to pull Nouri to the bed. "Lie down. I will join you in a moment."

 

The bed was much too big for Nouri to feel comfortable in. Four, maybe even five men could sleep in it. He ended up curled up on his side and watched Hephaistion lock the door.

 

"I am not taking any risks," Hephaistion explained. "As long as your attacker is on the loose we should be careful." He had stationed guards outside and had even gone so far as to take a dagger to bed with him. He placed it on the nightstand on Nouri's side, shrugged out of his outer robes and, still clad in his under tunic, slipped between the sheets. They were face to face and Hephaistion smiled at his new companion. "Alexander sent word earlier. He won't be joining me tonight. The meeting will last until the morning."

 

"I am in the King's bed… Are you certain he won't mind?" Nouri couldn't stop staring at Hephaistion. He had worshipped the ground Hephaistion had walked on when he had been a toddler. His brother had meant the world to him.

 

"Let me worry about Alexander. I know how to handle him." Hephaistion made himself comfortable and his fingers found a strand of Nouri's hair to play with.

 

"Have you been lovers for a long time?" Nouri was dying to know more about his brother.

 

Pleased that Nouri felt comfortable enough to actually ask him a question, Hephaistion smiled and then nodded his head. "For ten years now. There will never be another for me. I love him."

 

Nouri smiled, happy that his brother had found love in his life.

 

"And what about you? Do you have any feelings for Cassander? Alexander and I gave Cassander permission to court you, but we should have asked you first if you wanted to be courted by him. We just assumed you would approve."

 

Nouri pointedly stared past Hephaistion so he didn't have to look his brother in the eye. "I like him."

 

"You *like* him." Hephaistion blinked. "What does that mean?"

 

"I like him… I want to be with him… We kissed and I liked that too… There has never been someone who loved me in that way. I am not used to the way he treats me."

 

Hephaistion, eager to learn more, asked, "And how does he treat you?"

 

"Like I am precious…like he is afraid to hurt me. I don't know how to handle him. The men I have been with never acted like that. They simply took what they wanted." He didn't expect Hephaistion to understand as his older brother had never been in his position. "I am a eunuch and I belong to the King and if the King wants it, I have to lie with his nobles. Most of them treated me…harshly."

 

Hephaistion's fingers trembled as he touched Nouri's face. The touch made Nouri look up and Hephaistion cringed as he saw the rising tears in the turquoise eyes. "When did it start?"

 

"When I was ten…" Nouri's voice failed him and he hoped Hephaistion wouldn't ask him more questions. He didn't want his brother to know the sordid details.

 

"Did they always force you?" Hephaistion was trying to understand just how deeply Nouri had been hurt.

 

Nouri nodded his head. "I tried to get used to the pain, but…I never did. At first, I pleaded with them to be gentle with me, but that excited them further." Nouri closed his eyes. "They always left me bleeding afterwards…"

 

Hephaistion felt at a loss, knowing there were no words to make Nouri feel better. The young man would heal, but he needed time. "And now you have Cassander," he stated, needing to change their subject. He just didn't know how to deal with Nouri's pain.

 

"I don't know how to respond to him. I know what to do…I know what will please him, but…"

 

"Cassander won't hurt you. He will put your needs first." Cassander had better do that or else he would face Hephaistion's wrath!

 

"Cassander will realize he made a mistake by deciding to court me." Nouri opened his eyes again and tears slid down his cheeks. "And then I will be alone again. I don't want to be alone again…not now that I have tasted love – Cassander's love."

 

"No matter what happens, I promise you that you won't be alone." Hephaistion raised a hand and stroked Nouri's hair. "You will always have me." He didn't know what had made him say that, but it had felt like the right thing to say.

 

Nouri forced back his tears and managed a smile. "Thank you." It was such a typical thing for Hephaistion to say. His brother had always made him feel good about himself and it seemed like Hephaistion still possessed that touch.

 

Today's events had drained Nouri and his eyes began to close against his will. "Sorry…sleepy."

"Then sleep." Hephaistion kept up the soothing stroking of Nouri's hair for a few minutes longer. Then, he also succumbed and followed Nouri into sleep.

 

~~~

 

Cassander felt on edge and restless. He wanted Nouri in bed with him with his arms wrapped around the young man. It was the only way to make sure that his future lover was safe. He knew Hephaistion was an accomplished warrior and could fight off the mad astrologer should the man attack again, but still… The fact that Nouri wasn't close drove Cassander mad.

 

In the end, he left his bed, slipped into a tunic, and picked up his sword. Cassander left his rooms and walked down the corridor. He headed for Alexander's rooms because that was where Nouri was staying.

 

~~~

 

Nouri's sleep turned restless sometime during the night. He couldn't say what had caused him to wake, but the moment he opened his eyes, he realized that a stranger was in the room, hovering near the bed. The hair on the back of his neck stood rigid in warning and Nouri remembered that Hephaistion had placed a dagger on the nightstand. Another quick look told him that Hephaistion was sound asleep and hadn't noticed the danger yet.

 

"Such pretty eyes… Eyes that foretell the future…and they are mine!"

 

Those words confirmed Nouri's worst fear. The crazed astrologer had somehow found a way into their room and was now raising his knife. Nouri fully expected the mad man to aim its tip at him, but to his horror, he found that Hephaistion was the intended victim. That was something he couldn't allow to happen. Not his Hephaistion!

 

The knife crept lower and Nouri realized he had to act now. The tip was getting too close to Hephaistion's face! Nouri did the only thing he could. With one hand, he reached for the dagger and when he found it, he curled his fingers around it. With his other hand, which had become a fist, he landed a blow to the mad man's jaw.

 

Enraged and scared simultaneously, Nouri threw caution to the wind and launched himself at their attacker. "You aren't going to hurt my Pai!"

 

Hephaistion had woken due to the movement and froze upon hearing Nouri speak a nickname which he hadn't heard in seventeen years.

 

"You… I want your eyes too! They hold the future…just like his!" The astrologer didn't give up easily and redirected his blade. He aimed it at Nouri now.

 

"Hephaistion, run!" Nouri, never considering that Hephaistion was the warrior and should be dealing with their attacker, felt the overwhelming need to keep his brother safe.

 

Hephaistion ignored Nouri's order and jumped to his feet. "Guards!" he called out and then turned around to wrestle the knife away from their attacker.

 

The next moment the door opened and Cassander, flanked by two guards, stormed into the room. "It is the one we have been searching for! Take him!" Cassander declared, trying to reach the astrologer first.

 

Hephaistion, who had been wrestling with the astrologer, suddenly realized that the mad man had two knives, not just one, and the second knife was descending, aimed at his heart. How could he have been so negligent to simply assume there was only one weapon? Leonidas had taught him better than that!

 

"Not my Pai!" Nouri threw himself in harm's way and protected Hephaistion using his own body as a shield. Instead of penetrating Hephaistion's chest, the tip of the dagger pierced Nouri's right shoulder.

 

Furious that Nouri was paying the price for his failure to deal with the threat, Hephaistion pounced on the astrologer.

 

Cassander, who had been determined to be the one to take the attacker out, changed his priorities the moment Nouri went down. He rushed over to Nouri's side and caught the collapsing man in his arms. "You are safe now." He lowered Nouri back onto the bed and sat down in front of him. Pulling Nouri into his arms, he guided the white head against his shoulder. He brought his hands up along Nouri's back and rested his lover's upper body against his. That way, he was holding him securely.

 

"Arrest him and make certain he can't escape. I want to question him later!" Hephaistion gnashed his teeth in frustration. He was the warrior! He should have handled it, not Nouri, who had gotten injured in the process. /Injured…I need to look after him./

 

The first thing Hephaistion did was to light the oil lamps which stood scattered throughout the bedroom. Next, he approached the bed. The way Cassander was holding Nouri meant the eunuch was looking at Hephaistion as the warrior advanced on him. Their gazes met from across the room and during that moment Hephaistion recalled what Nouri had called him moments ago. "You called me Pai, didn't you?"

 

"I was dreaming… The dreams must have made me say it…" Nouri couldn't believe he had screwed up so badly. His shoulder throbbed and Hephaistion was resolutely approaching him. "It meant nothing."

 

But Hephaistion didn't believe it. "There was only one person who called me that. My little brother…" He had told Nouri about Leander, but had never shared that bit of information with Nouri. Nouri couldn't have known what Leander had called him. Hephaestion's eyes narrowed in thought...it wasn't the first time that he had wondered if his father had lied to him back then. He had never found a corpse or a grave and he had never succeeded in tracking down the healer who Amyntor had said had tended to Leander during his last hours.

 

Could it be that…? Hephaistion sucked in his breath. Nouri's hair was the same color Leander's had been. The eyes were also the same. "You reached for my hair…" Hephaistion recalled Nouri moving his fingers through his hair as if looking for something. "You *were* looking for something, weren't you? If I look behind your ear, will I find the same mark I bear on you?"

 

Cassander had no idea what Hephaistion was talking about, but he had felt Nouri tense in his arms. "Hephaistion, he is injured, bleeding profusely, and going into shock. We need a healer – now!" Whatever it was that Hephaistion wanted to discuss had to wait!

 

But Hephaistion disagreed. He had reached the bedside by now and slid his fingers into Nouri's white hair. Pushing it back, Hephaistion leaned in closer. Was it there? The tattoo their father had used to mark his children with?

 

Nouri's heart was beating a million beats per minute and he felt light-headed. Hephaistion's fingers were moving through his hair and he knew what the older man would see there – a mark identical to the one Hephaistion carried. He couldn't deal with this situation. His face stung, his shoulder throbbed, and a terrible pain was spreading to his neck and arm. His eyes closed and he shivered violently as he fainted.

 

Cassander had a tight hold on him and made certain that Nouri didn't move as he fainted. Moving about would aggravate his shoulder injury.

 

Hephaistion stared at the small tattoo and his heart came to a full stop for a long moment. It was there, the small tattoo that declared Nouri as Leander...that he was looking at his younger brother.

 

Hephaistion gasped, blinked his eyes, and then sank onto his knees. Lost in emotions, he rocked, and whispered, "It is you… It really is you… You are still alive! Oh, Leander, I failed you!"

 

Cassander froze as he heard Hephaistion's words which oddly enough made sense to him since Nouri had confided large chunks of his history to him. The possibility that Nouri was Leander and thus Hephaistion's younger brother had never crossed his mind, but now that the secret had been lifted, all the information Nouri had provided him with made sense. "Hephaistion, compose yourself! I need you! I need you to fetch a healer!"

 

"What has happened here?" Alexander stood rooted to the floor and tried to take in the scene in front of him. Nouri was unconscious and bleeding from his shoulder, Cassander was holding the injured man and Hephaistion… His Hephaistion was kneeling on the floor and weeping.

 

Suddenly, Hephaistion jumped to his feet and ran toward the doorway. Alexander could tell that his lover intended to run away from him, but that was something he wouldn't allow – not until he had some answers. He caught Hephaistion in his arms, crushed his lover against his chest, and demanded, "Hephaistion, what is wrong?"

 

"Leander is still alive, Alexander… Nouri is Leander and I failed him!"

 

Suddenly Hephaistion collapsed against him and all Alexander could do was catch and study his lover who had gone limp against him. He wasn't certain that Hephaistion had fainted. Maybe his lover had shut down because he was unable to deal with the current situation.

 

Lifting Hephaistion's head, Alexander found the bright blue eyes looking at him. His lover hadn't fainted, but was trying to sort out his emotions and thoughts. And in his way, Alexander planned on helping Hephaistion while his lover was doing that. "I am going to sort out this mess, and until then, no one leaves!"

 

TBC

 

 

Family Secrets

Part 9

 

"Cassander, sit over there with Hephaistion and let us attend to Nouri's injury." Alexander did what he did best: he took charge.

 

Cassander considered protesting, but Nouri needed medical attention and two healers had joined Alexander, who had already begun to examine the wound. Cassander lowered the injured man onto the bed and Nouri was instantly surrounded by two healers, Alexander, and Bagoas. They all hovered close and were trying to take care of him.

 

"I was too late. I knew that something was wrong and I should have acted sooner." Cassander blamed himself that the astrologer had gotten another chance to hurt Nouri.

 

"Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over," Bagoas ordered as he joined Hephaistion and Cassander. He had realized that he was in the way as the healers cleaned and bandaged the shoulder injury. "If anyone should have remembered the secret passage ways it should have been me." The astrologer had somehow gotten inside the maze of secret passage ways that ran through the palace. The door, hidden behind heavy tapestries, was still open and the mystery of how the astrologer had entered had quickly been solved. Alexander had already ordered that the door be sealed shut and workers would appear shortly to take care of it.

 

Cassander forced himself to calm down, managing to do so by drawing in a series of deep breaths. Realizing how eerily quiet Hephaistion was, Cassander turned his head to look at the other man. What he saw shocked him: Hephaistion's face was still wet with tears and the expression in the watering eyes spoke of defeat and failure.

 

"Hephaistion?" Would the other man acknowledge him?

 

"Did you know the truth?" Hephaistion forced himself to look at Cassander. "Did you know that he is my younger brother?" He had accepted the fact that Nouri was Leander with an ease that amazed him. Once he had seen the tattoo, there had been no more denying.

 

"I didn't," Cassander answered in a compassionate voice. "He told me his history, but I never put all the pieces of the puzzle together."

 

"What *do* you know about him?" An insane need to know everything that had happened to his brother coursed through Hephaistion. "Please tell me everything you know."

 

"Some of the things might be painful," Cassander replied, surprising himself by managing to remain calm.

 

Bagoas had come to a halt behind Hephaistion and, in a rare show of affection, took hold of Hephaistion's hand and squeezed it gently. Hephaistion didn't react to his touch, but Bagoas hadn't expected that Hephaistion would. Hephaistion was solely focused on learning more about Nouri's past. "You had better sit down," Bagoas advised. He guided Hephaistion to the couch and pulled the other man down until they sat side by side.

 

Cassander pulled up a chair, sat down opposite Hephaistion, and began to tell Hephaistion everything he knew about Nouri.

 

~~~

 

Hephaistion felt truly shocked once he knew everything what had happened to his little brother. "I can't believe Philip did that."

 

Alexander, who had overheard most of their conversation, felt responsible for what had happened to Leander. The expression on his face hardened. If he had ruled back then instead of his father, none of this would have happened.

 

Hephaistion had closed his eyes and was trying hard to remain in control of his fierce feelings. He felt too much right now. He felt anger and it was aimed against Philip and Darius, both Kings who had used a boy in their power plays. He hated both of them for what they had done to Leander. He hated Darius the most though for having Leander castrated and confined to the harem. /By the gods…they castrated him! Leaner must have been in such pain and I wasn't there to protect him!/

 

"Hephaistion?" Cassander worried about Hephaistion. Once the blue eyes had closed, he had no way of telling what emotions Hephaistion was going through.

 

Bagoas was still at Hephaistion's side and continued to rub the twitching fingers, which revealed just how much stress Hephaistion was in.

 

"I know it is a lot to take in," Cassander murmured while regularly casting a look at the bed to see if the healers had finished with attending to Nouri. "I felt shocked when he told me everything that had happened to him these last seven years."

 

Hephaistion fought the urge to howl, growl, scream, and cry hot tears over his brother's cruel fate. Cassander's words, although meant well, had only served to remind him of the fact that his brother had been raped. /This is my fault. I should never have accepted our father's explanation and I should have pushed for the truth. Leander got hurt so badly because I didn't follow through!/ His mind recoiled from the scenes his imagination conjured up, showing him Nouri in a helpless position while men forced themselves on him.

 

"Hephaistion?" Alexander had advanced on his lover and now knelt in front of him. He placed his hands on either side of his lover's face and waited until Hephaistion finally looked at him. "Nouri will recover. The cut is deep and he lost a lot of blood, but the injury isn't life-threatening. With sufficient rest, he should be on his feet again in a few weeks."

 

Cassander thanked the gods at hearing the good news. He left the couch and headed for the bed, where he carefully seated himself on the side. Nouri had been placed on his stomach, his face was turned to the side, and Cassander could see that the younger man was asleep. His shoulder had been heavily bandaged and blankets had been pulled up to his waist in an attempt to keep him warm. /What am I supposed to call you? Nouri? Or Leander?/

 

Alexander cast a quick look over his shoulder at Cassander and, after reassuring himself that the other man was doing nothing to cause Nouri discomfort, returned his gaze to Hephaistion, who still looked shocked. Hephaistion was obviously at war with his emotions. Alexander gave Bagoas a thankful look when he saw the eunuch's fingers curled around Hephaistion and, when Bagoas tried to break the hold, Alexander shook his head. "I don't mind."

 

Bagoas continued to rub Hephaistion's fingers, but he also looked at Cassander, who was whispering softly to Nouri.

 

"Hephaistion? Talk to me." Alexander used his hold on his lover's head to lift it so Hephaistion couldn't ignore him. Now that they were looking at each other, Alexander made another attempt to reach out to Hephaistion. "Will you tell me what you meant when you said that Leander is still alive? You said that you failed him!" He needed more information...needed for Hephaistion to confirm his suspicions!

 

Hephaistion blinked his eyes, swallowed nervously, and then looked Alexander in the eye. At the moment, Alexander was his life line and he needed his lover to understand him so badly! "My father lied when he said that Leander died that winter. He didn't. My father made Leander a servant and at the age of ten Philip sent him off to Persia to please Darius. The man resting on that bed is Leander, my younger brother."

 

Alexander had suspected as much, but to hear it confirmed astounded him.

 

"Alexander, they made him into a eunuch. They castrated him! They raped him! Not just once, but for years!" Tears of anger escaped Hephaistion's eyes and he glared at Alexander. He wasn't angry with his lover, but there was no one else close enough to be angry with! "They hurt him, Alexander! They hurt him because I was foolish enough to believe my father that Leander had died! I should have known better! There was no corpse…no grave!"

 

"It isn't your fault that those awful things happened to Leander." Alexander's hands slid lower and enfolded Hephaistion in a tight embrace. "Amyntor lied. You are not to blame, Hephaistion. Your father however is."

 

Shudders wrecked Hephaistion's frame and he shook his head violently. "No, it is my fault that he was abused in this way. I am his older brother! It is my task to protect him and I failed him!"

 

Alexander held Hephaistion tight and let his lover rage and cry. Hephaistion's moods changed quickly. One moment Hephaistion was angrily trying to push Alexander away, and the next, he pressed close to him and clung to him. Through it all, Alexander held him tight and he exchanged a look with Bagoas, who had lost control over his hand since Hephaistion refused to release the limb. "We will discuss this later, my love. Right now, you need to calm down and Nouri needs to rest."

 

"His name is Leander and not Nouri!" The vehemence that colored his voice even startled Hephaistion. "I will never address him as Nouri again and neither will you. He is Leander!"

 

Alexander made soft, soothing sounds and caressed Hephaistion's face until his lover began to calm down again. "Maybe you should lie down and rest for a while."

 

"No, I can't do that. I need to be awake the moment Leander wakes up. I need to be at his side when he opens his eyes." Hephaistion lifted his head from where it had been resting against Alexander's shoulder and found that the spot at Leander's side had already been claimed by Cassander. /I failed him… Why would Leander still want me at his side? Maybe it is best to entrust the task of looking after him to Cassander. Cassander never failed him./

 

The expression in Hephaistion's eyes told Alexander that his lover felt miserable. He was determined to do something about that, but not at the moment. Right now, he needed to convince Hephaistion to calm down. "Leander will sleep for a few more hours," Alexander said, tightening his hold on Hephaistion. "Why don't you use that time to rest?"

 

Realizing Alexander was determined to make him rest, Hephaistion nodded against his lover's shoulder. "But I won't lie down. I need to be able to see him."

 

"Bagoas, would you…?" Alexander raised a hand and indicated that Bagoas should make himself comfortable near one end of the couch where the pillows had been piled.

Bagoas complied and Alexander maneuvered Hephaistion until his lover was safely wedged between Bagoas' legs. He lowered Hephaistion into Bagoas' arms and the eunuch pulled Hephaistion's back close to his chest. Wrapping his arms around Hephaistion, Bagoas checked to see if the other man could still see Leander asleep on the bed.

 

Alexander would have loved to hold Hephaistion instead, but he had work to do. He wanted to question the astrologer and then he had to check on Leander's injury. Now that he had finally sorted everything out and understood how things stood, he was more than ready to take charge. And by the gods, Hephaistion needed him to take charge!

 

~~~

 

Cassander remained at Leander's side for the next few hours. However, after the first hour, he carefully lay down beside the injured man and continued to watch the sleeping face for any signs that Leander might be waking up.

 

Alexander left to question the astrologer. When he returned, he told them that the man had indeed lost his mind and was insane. He had been hesitant to pass judgment over him exactly because he was insane and the Persian Princes had insisted they would take care of the threat. Persian law was rather clear on what punishment should be dealt out to someone who attacked a member of the royal family. Alexander had realized then that the nobles had accepted Hephaistion. That was definitely a good thing.

 

Once Alexander was back in his rooms, he wondered how the situation could have gotten so out of control. It had started fourteen years ago when Amyntor had rid himself of his unwanted son. Philip must have seen Leander during one of his visits to Antipater's home and had realized the boy would make a perfect bribe. Philip's intent had been to keep Darius pleased until he was ready to invade Persia. For a while, Alexander had been puzzled about the fact that Cassander had never met Leander, as Leander had been living at their family's estate, but then he had remembered that Cassander, like most of them, had been at school and his visits home had always been brief.

 

This was a mess and Alexander felt responsible for his father's part in it. Leander might have ended up leading a relatively happy life serving Antipater if it hadn't been for Philip sending the boy off to Persia. That was when his torture had truly started.

 

Alexander walked over to the bed, rested his hand on Leander's brow, and noticed with relief that there was no fever. They had been quick to clean and bandage the wound and Alexander hoped there would be no infection. Cassander's gaze fastened on him and Alexander managed a weak smile. He noticed the way Cassander was trying to maintain some sort of physical contact by keeping his hand against the small of Leander's back. "He will wake up shortly and he will need you to be strong," he addressed Cassander. One look at Hephaistion told him that his lover was still in a state of shock. Cassander had to be there for Leander instead.

 

"I will," Cassander answered. He *was* ready to be there for Leander in every sense of the word. The only thing he had trouble with was thinking about the injured man as Leander, brother to Hephaistion instead of Nouri, the eunuch. Adjusting to that change would take time and he reckoned that Leander himself would have the most problems identifying himself as Leander.

 

Alexander left Cassander to rubbing Leander's back and returned to Hephaistion's side. Bagoas' eyes were open, but they seemed pained and Alexander realized he had maneuvered Bagoas into quite an uncomfortable position. "Cramps?"

 

Bagoas nodded. His legs were cramping up from being in the same position for so long. "I don't mind though." The fact that he was able to comfort Hephaistion, no matter in how small a way, made him feel good – made him feel useful for a change.

 

"Hand him to me. Then you can stretch your legs. And once the cramps are gone, please fetch some food and wine."

 

Bagoas gently eased Hephaistion against Alexander, who promptly buried him in an embrace. Contrary to Leander, Hephaistion's eyes were open and he was awake – just not responding. Alexander made certain that Hephaistion was comfortable and then pulled his lover close. In his current position, Hephaistion was no longer able to see his brother, but that didn't seem to register with the dazed man. Alexander pulled Hephaistion's back close to his chest and watched how Bagoas lifted Hephaistion's feet so he could stretch his legs. His lover's head lolled against his chest and he could literally sense Hephaistion's confusion, self-loathing, and fear. "It wasn't your fault, Hephaistion. You had no control over it, and neither did I. This is my father's doing…and your father's," he added after a moment's thought.

 

Bagoas carefully stretched his body and worked on each limb separately until the cramps were gone. Remembering Alexander's instructions, he left to provide water, food, and wine.

 

Hephaistion stirred slightly in Alexander's arms at hearing his lover's words. "If only I had known that he was still alive! Then I could have helped him!"

 

"But you didn't know. You are not to blame, Hephaistion. Please don't blame yourself. Such feelings will only cast you into depression and Leander needs you to be strong. He needs you to be the loving brother he remembers. You can't do that when you let this unreasonable guilt consume you."

 

Alexander was right of course. Leander needed him to be strong. His brother was wounded and needed him. Leander might have Cassander's love, but the bond Hephaistion shared with him was also very strong. "Do you think he will blame me for not intervening? For not helping him?"

 

"I don’t think so. He will understand that you didn't know that he was still alive." Alexander rested his chin on the top of Hephaistion's head. "When he wakes up, he will need you. Don't give into this guilt, this depression, Hephaistion."

 

Hephaistion drew in a deep breath. "It is hard – not giving in."

 

"But you didn't know! Hephaistion, you are a victim here as well. Your father is responsible for what happened to Leander!"

 

"I can't believe he did that…" Hephaistion trembled and closed his eyes. His father – his loving father – had lied to him and betrayed Leander. Amyntor had died two years ago and he had taken the secret to the grave with him. "I wish he had told me before he had died."

 

"But he didn't." Alexander placed a kiss onto Hephaistion's hair and held him tight. Hephaistion needed time to come to terms with what had happened, but Alexander was convinced that his lover would pull through.

 

~~~

 

Nouri woke to a world filled with pain and dark memories. He flashed back to the moment of the attack and tried to move, which was the biggest mistake he could have made. Pain spiraled down his shoulder, into his back and arms, and up his neck. It made him go motionless within a single second.

 

Cassander had sucked in his breath the moment those pale blue eyes had opened and waited for realization to set in. "Try to be still, Leander. You got stabbed in the shoulder."

 

Nouri froze and all his pain was instantly forgotten when he heard Cassander call him Leander. "What…did…you… call me?"

 

Hephaistion had heard those words as well and jumped to his feet. Alexander followed suit and wrapped his arms around his lover to keep him in place. Hephaistion glared at Alexander, but Alexander shook his head and murmured, "Give them one moment, my love."

 

Hephaistion hated it when Alexander was right about something so obvious. He had forgotten that his brother and Cassander were in love and he had wanted to claim Cassander's place at Leander's side.

 

"Just one moment," Alexander repeated, holding Hephaistion close.

 

Cassander felt grateful when he heard Alexander's words, but didn't break eye contact with Leander in order to look at Alexander. His entire being was focused on his injured lover. "I called you Leander because that is who you are."

 

"No, I am not…" Nouri closed his eyes and fought down the worsening pain in his shoulder. "I am Nouri…not Leander. Leander died seven years ago."

 

Cassander leaned in closer, pressed a chaste kiss onto Leander's brow, and then got to his feet. He'd had his moment with his lover: now it was Hephaistion’s turn to speak with Leander. He would stay close though, just in case his lover needed him.

 

Alexander accompanied Hephaistion over to the bed. Hephaistion sat down on the side and gently covered his brother's hand with his. "I thought you were dead, Leander. Father told me you had died of a cold and I believed him. I am so sorry I believed him… Can you forgive me for believing his lies?" The feelings that coursed through him made him feel afloat and he needed someone, either Leander or Alexander to safely guide him back to the shore.

 

Nouri didn't want to look at Hephaistion. He kept his eyes closed and tried to move his hand away from his brother's.

 

Hephaistion interpreted it though as rejection and his guilt returned fully. "I understand...you want nothing to do with me. After all, I failed you. I should have kept you safe. I am your older brother and I failed you. Do you want me to leave? Or perhaps I should disappear from your life?"

 

Nouri had felt increasingly alarmed as he listened to Hephaistion. "What?" He opened his eyes and peeked at his older brother. "How…can you…say…such things?" He felt so weak and was in pain so much, but he had to make Hephaistion understand! Now that his secret was out, he saw no reason to maintain his lies. "Ever since…I realized… who you are…I have wanted…to throw myself into your arms…so you could hold me again!"

 

"Then why didn't you? Why are you pulling away now?" Hephaistion became aware of Alexander's hands which were massaging his shoulders and neck. It was his lover's way of soothing him.

 

Nouri's eyes released tears now that he was forced to reveal his shame to his brother. "Don't you understand? I…let them do this to me…when I should have…stopped them!"

 

Hephaistion's eyes widened. "How can you say that? You were a child when this happened! By Zeus, you were only ten years when you were brought here! What defenses did you have? None! You had no other choice than to submit and try to survive! Leander, if I had been in your place, I wouldn't have survived."

 

"Don't…call me…that…please…My name is Nouri…not Leander… I can't be Leander…don't you understand? Leander…has been hurt too much…" All this talking exhausted him and he already felt emotionally drained. Feeling Hephaistion's fingers caress his, he lacked the energy to pull away from the touch. "I am Nouri…I am a eunuch…I belong to the King…I was raped, Pai…I am not your brother… not anymore. Let me go… Let Leander rest in peace."

 

But that was something Hephaistion couldn't do, especially once his brother called him Pai again. "I realize that you need time, and by Zeus, so do I! I thought you dead for fourteen years and now I have you back, Leander!" Hephaistion leaned in closer and pressed a kiss onto Leander's cheek. His brother's eyes became big and revealed panic – maybe even fear. "I know what has happened to you. You told me last night, but Leander, that only makes me want to love you more. I want to take care of you and see you grow into the person you would have been if our father hadn't betrayed you."

 

Nouri was at a loss for words. Why couldn't Hephaistion just accept that Leander no longer existed? He had become Nouri. Certain behavior had been ingrained in him. He had been changed in ways which could never be undone again! "That person…died seven years ago… Let me go, Pai, please."

 

"I can't do that. You’re calling me Pai tells me that my little brother has returned to me. I love you, Leander. You are my brother and I have always loved you. I let you tag alone when you were little, didn't I? I would take you to the healer whenever you had bumped into a door or a table, don't you remember? And I will take care of you now." Cassander coughed and Hephaistion smiled. "Cassander and I will."

 

"Leander…is…dead…" Nouri whispered as he dozed off. "My name…is…Nou…"

 

"No, that was your name," Hephaistion corrected him as he stroked the white hair. "And for a while, you will continue to feel like him, but I vow by all that I hold dear that you will recover – in body and in soul."

Cassander listened closely and agreed with everything Hephaistion said.

 

Alexander pulled Hephaistion back to his feet again and then considered his next move. "Cassander, why don't you sleep here tonight? That way you are close to him."

Cassander welcomed the suggestion. "And what about the two of you?" He lowered himself onto the bed and moved closer to Leander while being careful to not jostle the mattress. He desperately wanted to hold Leander close, but he couldn't due to the injury so he would settle for watching his love instead.

 

"We will share Bagoas' bed."

 

Alexander's words drew Bagoas' attention. Like the rest, he had felt entranced as he had watched and listened to the exchange which had taken place between the two brothers. "My bed is yours," he said quickly. Of course it was; everything belonged to the King!

 

Alexander caught Hephaistion's gaze and tilted his head.

 

Hephaistion understood. He remembered the conversation regarding Bagoas which he had had with Alexander some nights ago. "The bed is big enough for the three of us." Bagoas had supported him during the last few hours and Hephaistion didn't want anyone to be alone that night.

 

Bagoas managed to hide his surprise when Hephaistion extended his hand in invitation. He took it and allowed for Hephaistion to pull him into the next room.

 

Alexander didn't close the door behind him, but left it open so he could hear Leander should the young man wake up and was in pain.

 

Absentmindedly – because his thoughts were still with Leander – Hephaistion shrugged out of his robes and slipped between the covers. Alexander did the same and when Bagoas hesitated, Alexander pushed the thin robes down from the eunuch's shoulders.

 

Burying Bagoas' long fingers in his, Alexander pulled Bagoas towards the bed. Alexander looked at Hephaistion, trying to figure out what his lover had in mind.

 

"Lie down in front of me, Bagoas. I need to hold and be held."

 

Bagoas complied and lay down facing away from Hephaistion. The strong arms immediately encircled his waist and pulled him close. Hephaistion wasn't erect and Bagoas didn’t expect for Hephaistion to grow aroused that night – not with his brother lying wounded in the next room. If felt good to have someone's arms wrapped around him though and he purred softly to voice his contentment.

 

Hephaistion smiled and nuzzled Bagoas' neck. "You feel good."

 

Alexander spooned up behind Hephaistion and pulled his lover close. Curled around each other like that, the three of them eventually dozed off, though Hephaistion remained awake the longest. He just couldn't shake the feeling that Leander's emotional injures would take more time to heal than his physical ones.

 

TBC

 

Family Secrets

Part 10

 

Cassander woke before sun rise and felt grateful that the oil lamps were still burning and illuminating the room for it allowed him to cast a look at Leander's ashen face. The young man had suffered so much and yet, when Hephaistion had been in danger, he had boldly cast himself in harm's way. After all that had happened to him, Leander still cared. Cassander raised his hand and let his fingers glide over the white hair. A quick look at the bandage showed him that it was still pristine white. The wound hadn't started to bleed again and that was a good thing.

 

He realized that the next few days would be crucial. Now that Nouri's secret had come out, Cassander found himself courting Hephaistion's younger brother. That meant he would have to do a serious attempt at befriending Hephaistion as well. Especially now, for it was crucial that they all got along. He would have to set aside any arguments he still had with Hephaistion and Alexander.

 

"I love you," he whispered, uncaring that Leander couldn't hear him. "It doesn't matter to me what you call yourself, my love." It did trouble Cassander that his lover insisted on being called Nouri and rejected his real name. But on the other hand, it made sense. He had been Nouri for the last seven years and Cassander doubted the younger man still knew how to act like Leander. /Time, he needs time. And if he wants me to call him Nouri for now, I will. But it will infuriate Hephaistion./ Hephaistion had insisted they call his brother by his real name. /But this isn't about what Hephaistion wants. This is about what Nouri needs./

 

"My neck hurts…"

 

Cassander blinked in surprise at hearing Nouri's voice so unexpectedly. Looking at his lover, he found the eyes open and flashing with pain. "You have been in the same position for hours," he explained. "But I don't dare move you about on my own. I don't want that wound to open again."

 

"I need to move…" Nouri managed to fight back the tears of pain that lurked in his eyes. He had to stop crying all the time!

 

"Maybe I can…" Cassander's voice faded.

 

Nouri felt Cassander's hands settle on each side of his head and then the other man slowly helped him turn his head the other way. "That is better," he said, relieved.

 

Cassander got up from the bed, walked around it, and slid back in on the other side so he was once again face to face with the younger man.

 

"Where…are they?" Nouri couldn't speak his brother's name right now. The pain was still too fresh. Cassander took to soothingly stroking his hair and Nouri released a shuddering gasp. Tension had built in his body and it was keeping him from relaxing and going back to sleep.

 

"They are asleep in the next room. Alexander didn't want to move you, so they are sharing Bagoas' bed."

 

"That isn't right… I have no business occupying Alexander's bed."

 

"You are injured, my love. You have every right to be resting here."

 

"What did you call me?" Nouri searched Cassander's eyes and found them sincere.

 

"My love, because that is what you are." Cassander moved closer and gently touched his lips to Nouri's. It was an awkward kiss, but something they desperately needed to share. "I love you."

 

Nouri closed his eyes to keep the tears from leaving. "You shouldn't."

 

Cassander ignored the remark and teased the white strands of hair by running his fingers through them. "Once you feel better, I will have you moved to my rooms. That way, we can be together and won't be disturbed."

 

The pale blue eyes opened again and fastened on Cassander's green ones. "You know who I am…what I am and you still want me?" What did he have to do to make Cassander see what a huge mistake he was making in courting him?

 

Cassander moistened his lips and said, "You are Leander Amyntor, Hephaistion's younger brother. That is who you are."

 

"No, I am not. I am Nouri, one of the King's eunuchs." Nouri drew in a deep breath and paid for doing so when a stabbing pain moved through his back. "I was Leander in a different lifetime. I am not him any more."

 

"Why don't we stop discussing this for now? It matters little to me how you call yourself. Be it Nouri or Leander, I care not about the name you use. I care about you – the person."

 

Nouri finally caved in. He had never expected Cassander to support him unconditionally. "I wish you could hold me… I need that so much." He wanted to press close to Cassander and become a part of the other man because then he might feel better about himself – he might feel less tainted, less damaged.

 

Cassander did his best to wrap his arms around Nouri. They ended up sharing an awkward embrace, but the two men didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that Cassander could give Nouri what the injured man needed so badly – unconditional love and acceptance.

 

~~~

 

Alexander carefully released Hephaistion from his embrace and sat on the side of the bed. He preferred to let his lover sleep a little bit longer. Hephaistion needed all the rest he could get. In the mean time, he would check on his patient, Leander.

 

Alexander still had a hard time believing everything that had happened the other night. The revelation that Nouri was Hephaistion's younger brother had affected him as well...especially when he recalled just how much the younger man had suffered during the last seven years.

 

He rose from the bed, picked up his morning robe, and dressed. As he made his way over to the doorway, he realized Bagoas was awake as well, for the dark eyes were looking at him questioningly.

 

Bagoas had no space to move in. Hephaistion's hold on him was very tight and each time Bagoas tried to shift in the embrace, the other man would tighten his hold further. Their invitation to join them in bed last night had taken him by surprise. He had never thought they would.

 

Alexander saw remnants of that surprise in the almond-shaped eyes and smiled. "I am going to check on Leander. You will have to stay that way until Hephaistion wakes up. Is that a problem?"

 

"No," Bagoas answered softly, careful not to wake Hephaistion.

"I didn't think it would be." Alexander smiled again and then left the bedroom to check on his patient.

 

~~~

 

Alexander found Cassander and Leander awake and hugging awkwardly. Alexander didn't mind as long as Cassander didn't put any pressure onto the injured shoulder. He sat down on the side of the bed and smiled at Leander. Cassander's face he couldn't see since the dark-haired man had his back toward him. "How do you fare this morning?" Alexander asked his patient.

 

Nouri knew he couldn't ignore Alexander, even though he wanted to. The only person he wanted to be around with right now was Cassander. "I am tired."

 

"You can do better than that. Cassander? Hold him and make sure he doesn't move about while I check on his shoulder." Alexander carefully lifted the bandage and checked on the injury. "You still have to answer my question, Leander. Are you in much pain?" Alexander noticed the way the injured man flinched at being addressed in that way. But Alexander agreed with Hephaistion: he didn't want to give in either and call the young man Nouri when his real name was Leander.

 

Nouri closed his eyes. Why couldn't they just honor his request and call him Nouri?

 

"Alexander asked a question, my love. Answer him." Cassander wished those turquoise eyes would open again. The expression in them would tell him how the injured man felt.

 

Nouri gave in, too tired to fight them both. "My neck hurts…and my shoulder hurts too."

 

Alexander reached for the balm and soothed it over the injury. Next, he applied the bandage again. "You will be in pain for a few more days, Leander. I will see what we can do about moving you into a different position. I know that lying on your stomach is putting pressure on your neck; you need to keep your head to the side and that must be painful. The wound looks clean and I don't think we will see any infection, but you will be bedridden for at least one week, maybe even two." Alexander had finished tending to the injury and now tilted his head so he could make eye contact with his patient. "You must be thirsty."

 

"But not hungry," Nouri quickly answered; his stomach turned if he only thought of food.

 

"I thought so." Alexander considered his next move. "Let us see if we can get you more comfortable." He got to his feet, collected the pillows from the couch, and placed them behind his patient so they would support him. "Cassander, help me roll him onto his good side."

 

Nouri hated being so helpless. They moved him into a position in which he was still on his side, but also reclining against the pillows. He closed his eyes in pure bliss. It was good not to be lying on his stomach anymore.

 

Cassander caressed his love's face and the touch managed to make Nouri open his eyes. Nouri smiled at Cassander and he raised a shaky hand to return the touch.

 

Alexander watched them with a bemused expression on his face. It was a good thing that Leander had Cassander. He knew from personal experience just how powerful love could be. Hephaistion had kept him sane all his life. /Hephaistion, I need to check on him as well. And I will have to do something about the anger that is consuming him./ That anger needed a way out and Alexander knew a solution.

 

~~~

 

Hephaistion's sleep had been restless and filled with horrid images depicting his brother in vulnerable ways. He had started awake and had found some comfort in the fact that he wasn't alone in bed but that Bagoas was there with him. Alexander however had left the bed and Hephaistion reckoned it was because his lover had wanted to check on Leander.

 

Leander…his brother was still alive. He had him back! Feelings of euphoria and bliss moved through him, but moments later, he sobered, remembering how terribly his brother had suffered. He felt angry with Philip, Darius, and all those men who had taken advantage of his younger brother. That anger involuntarily caused him to tighten his hold on Bagoas and it became crushing.

 

Bagoas had a hard time drawing in his next breath. "Please," he managed to whisper, hoping Hephaistion understood.

 

"Hephaistion, release Bagoas," Alexander ordered as he stepped into the room. "He needs to breathe." The violet color in his lover's eyes told Alexander just how furious Hephaistion was. "This won't work," he declared as he realized that Hephaistion needed to vent that anger before facing Leander again. "Get dressed, Hephaistion, we are not staying."

 

Hephaistion knew better than to cross his lover when Alexander got into this kind of mood. When he did, Alexander expected to be obeyed and wouldn't be denied. Hearing Bagoas plead with him again, Hephaistion realized that he was actually crushing Bagoas and he released him at once. "I am sorry…I didn't want to hurt you."

 

Bagoas rolled onto his back and tried to get his breath back which Hephaistion had squeezed out of him. "I understand. You are angry."

 

Hephaistion nodded his head. "Yes, I am, but I can't lose control like that." The last thing he wanted was to accidentally hurt someone.

 

"Hephaistion, I told you to get dressed." Alexander had changed into a chiton and was now waiting for his lover to join him in the doorway. "Now, Hephaistion."

 

"But what about Leander? I need to see him – talk to him." Hephaistion had left the bed and was now slipping into a loincloth and his chiton. "Alexander, I can't leave now!"

 

But the expression in Hephaistion's eyes told Alexander what his lover needed the most and that was to let go. Alexander reached for a vial filled with oil and slipped it into a pocket. Next, he raised a hand and gestured for Hephaistion to approach. "You will talk to Leander later. First, we need to do something about that anger." Hephaistion's eyes narrowed and Alexander told himself to be on guard. This was when Hephaistion was at his most dangerous and the most unpredictable, but he was ready to deal with the brunt of his lover's rage.

 

Hephaistion glared at Alexander. "Since when do you know what is best for me?"

 

Alexander cocked his head and wrapped his fingers around Hephaistion's wrist. "You are coming with me – now." Now that Hephaistion no longer had the means to get away from him, Alexander dragged his lover into the corridor. "Bagoas, would you be so kind and have some food delivered? Leander, Cassander, and you of course need to eat."

 

"And what about you?" Bagoas asked as he rose from the bed.

 

"We will join you in a bit. Don't wait for us. We will eat later." Alexander closed the door behind him and probed Hephaistion's eyes, which simmered dangerously. He had better be careful.

 

~~~

 

"Where are you taking me? I should be at Leander's side instead of letting you drag me some place!" Hephaistion's anger continued to grow. His rage was mostly aimed at himself. He still blamed himself for believing his father and not having protected his younger brother. His anger was turning against him, making him hate himself.

 

Thankfully, Alexander knew his lover perfectly and understood how Hephaistion's mind worked. "Recognize the place?"

 

Hephaistion blinked. "I think I do." This was where Darius' elite forces had trained. It was deserted now and offered them the perfect privacy since Alexander had declared it off limits to his men. He had selected this place to train himself and didn't want any onlookers. And now it would serve him well. "Strip."

 

Hephaistion's eyes narrowed. "What?"

 

"I said strip." Alexander removed the vial from his pocket, placed it on the ground, and removed his chiton. Picking up the oil again, he removed the lid and started to rub the oil onto his skin.

 

Hephaistion understood at last. "You brought me here so we could wrestle? Why in Zeus' name when my brother needs me? I have failed him for much too long and now you are keeping me away from him!" Hephaistion's hands had turned into fists and his eyes simmered with rage. But the rage wasn't directed at Alexander. The rage was the result of the pain and fear he had seen when he had looked in Leander's eyes. He felt guilty for not having been there for his brother.

 

"Strip, Hephaistion or I will remove that chiton for you." Alexander handed Hephaistion the oil. His skin now glowed due to the oil and he waited for his lover to comply.

 

"I don't have time for this!" Hephaistion turned his back on Alexander and headed for the exit.

 

"I am sorry, Hephaistion, but I can't let you leave like this. Your foul mood would only cause you to hurt Leander, even unintentionally."

 

"I would never hurt him!" Hephaistion turned around and shouted the words at Alexander. "I am not like my father – or yours!"

 

Alexander prepared for a fight and Hephaistion didn't disappoint him. He wasn't sure why exactly Hephaistion attacked him: maybe his lover finally understood why Alexander was doing this or maybe Hephaistion was just blinded by rage. Alexander however was prepared and blocked the blow Hephaistion had aimed at his face. Using the fact that he was oiled to his advantage, he established a tight hold on his lover and began to wrestle him down to the ground.

 

A red haze descended in front of Hephaistion's eyes and he released all the anger he had been holding onto. Alexander's face changed and became Amyntor's and then Philip's. In his rage, he had little consideration and tried to hurt Alexander any way he could. But Alexander's oiled skin made it hard for Hephaistion to grab onto him and Alexander continued to slither away from his hands.

 

Alexander didn't attack. He merely defended himself or tried to block any blows Hephaistion aimed at him. He understood Hephaistion perfectly. He had experienced such rages as well and knew that getting physical was the best way to rid himself of them. He hoped it would also work for Hephaistion.

 

It was working. Hephaistion was releasing his pent up rage and the wrestling eventually exhausted him. Alexander was an excellent wrestler in his own right and his oiled skin definitely gave him an edge. Also, Alexander wasn't blinded with rage like Hephaistion was.

 

Alexander saw the color and expression of Hephaistion's eyes change and felt how his lover stopped fighting him. Hephaistion went limp beneath him and he probed the blue eyes, searching for the emotions his lover was experiencing at the moment. He felt relieved to see that the anger was mostly gone. Instead, he saw need there. "Feeling better?" He was straddling Hephaistion and had his fingers curled around his lover's wrists.

 

"I do," Hephaistion admitted. He felt exhausted, drained, and mostly confused. "What was that about?"

 

"You were angry." Alexander chuckled. "You are in control of your feelings most of the time and it is a relief to see that you can lose control too." Alexander judged it safe to loosen his hold on his lover's wrists slightly. "And I understand about anger."

 

"You would!" Hephaistion closed his eyes and tried to center himself. He felt grateful that Alexander had made him do this. He might have said or done things he would have regretted later had he faced Leander in the state he had been in earlier. "Seems like you bested me at last."

 

"No, I never did." Alexander leaned in closer and touched his lips to Hephaistion's. "You let me win."

 

"Did I?" Hephaistion chuckled and then smiled at Alexander. "I think you mastered me."

 

"I don't desire to master you at wrestling – not any more. But I wouldn't mind mastering you in a different way." Alexander released Hephaistion's wrists and resolutely ripped his lover's chiton in two, baring the muscular chest to him.

 

Hephaistion's breath caught as he realized what Alexander had really planned. The wrestling had just been foreplay. "Yes," he hissed. "Take me!" Most of the time it was Hephaistion taking Alexander, but that wasn't what he needed right now.

 

"I thought you would see things my way." Alexander did away with the loincloth Hephaistion was wearing and reached for the oil again. He had grown hard during their wrestling match and now coated his erection with the oil. The eager hungry look in Hephaistion's eyes was something he hadn't seen in a long time. His lover seldom wanted to be possessed and Alexander promised privately that he would live up to Hephaistion's expectations.

 

Hephaistion quivered with need when Alexander raised his legs and rested them on his shoulders. Hephaistion's fingers buried themselves in the earth beneath him and he sucked in his breath the moment Alexander positioned himself to penetrate him.

 

His lover's big, needy eyes made Alexander tremble with lust. Taking himself into hand, he pressed against the guardian ring and then used sheer force to sheathe himself completely within the unprepared channel.

 

Hephaistion howled and threw back his head the moment Alexander claimed him so viciously. He pushed back, growled, and tried to grab hold of Alexander's face. Once he had buried his fingers in the blond hair, he pulled his lover's face close and claimed Alexander's lips with a passion that rivaled Alexander's.

 

Alexander wasn't gentle as he claimed his lover nor did he think Hephaistion wanted him to be. His thrusts were deep, fast, and ferocious and they seemed to fuel Hephaistion's lust in turn. His lover finally released his head from its painful hold and slithered his hands down his back. They ended up cupping his buttocks and Hephaistion used his considerable strength to force Alexander even deeper inside.

 

"Yes…yes…harder…take me harder…like that…oh yes…Alexander!" Hephaistion met each of his lover's thrusts with an upward motion of his hips. He was quickly approaching orgasm and raised his head so he could bite into the skin just below Alexander's collarbone. Alternately purring and growling, Hephaistion allowed Alexander to use him hard – just the way he wanted to be used. He released the skin between his teeth the moment Alexander hit his prostate with all his might and the manipulation catapulted him toward orgasm. Cream erupted from the head of his neglected member and he whimpered as Alexander continued to pound into him. "Yes!"

 

Alexander lowered himself onto Hephaistion's quivering body and flexed his hips, driving himself home. But then Hephaistion's inner muscles began to contract around his length and he succumbed to the sublime sensation. Finding his release inside Hephaistion's body, he remained deeply nestled inside his lover's passage. He wanted to fill Hephaistion with his essence. At the same time, he took Hephaistion's lips in a wicked kiss and swirled his tongue along the inside of his lover's bottom lip. They had both needed that – but Hephaistion had needed it the most. Gripping his lover's shoulders, he thrust one more time to prove his ownership. "You are mine, Hephaistion! I promised to take care of you and all your needs. Don't shut me out where Leander is concerned. If you are angry, tell me! I know how to handle anger!"

 

Hephaistion lifted a shaky hand and cupped Alexander's face in it. "I didn't know I was that angry. So much happened last night and I guess I felt angry about failing to protect Nouri from the attacker. At that point, I didn't know yet that he was my brother. He isn't a warrior and yet he tried to protect me." Alexander was still deeply lodged inside him and at that moment, Hephaistion felt more connected to his lover than ever before. That bond made it easier for him to open up to Alexander. "I was angry with my father, but since he had died recently, I can no longer hold him responsible."

 

"So you held yourself responsible instead." Alexander groaned, unable to stay inside his lover any longer as his member had softened and he had to pull out. He did so gently, knowing Hephaistion would be sore after their wild lovemaking.

 

Hephaistion moaned and regretted losing his connection to his lover. But Alexander had done what he had needed his lover to do: Alexander had helped him sort out his thoughts and emotions. "I did."

 

"You shouldn't do that." Alexander wrapped his arms around Hephaistion and held him close. He realized that Hephaistion couldn't be comfortable lying on the ground, but that probably didn't even register with his lover at the moment. "Leander needs you, Hephaistion. He needs to re-establish the bond that the two of you used to have. And he will need Cassander as well. Don't push Cassander away."

 

Hephaistion, feeling more at peace now, realized that Alexander was offering him wise advice. "I felt jealous of Cassander. It is strange that I didn't realize that until now. He already has Leander's love, while I can only hope to win it again."

 

"Leander still loves you – you are his brother, Hephaistion. But he has been Nouri these last few years. He needs time to adjust." Alexander smoothed some damp strands of Hephaistion's hair back behind an ear. "Maybe we can arrange it in such a way that Leander can spend the days with you and the nights with Cassander. That way the both of you get what you want."

 

"That sounds good. I knew they made you King for a reason." Hephaistion teasingly patted Alexander's face. "And now, get off. My back doesn't like the position I am in."

 

Alexander grinned cockily and pushed himself to his feet. "Need a hand?" His grin faded as he saw the discomfort Hephaistion was in when his lover tried to get to his feet as well. "I am sorry, but at the time claiming you seemed the best way to deal with your anger."

 

"It was the best way." Hephaistion looked questioningly at Alexander. "You know me better than I do myself."

 

"That is why you have me." Alexander pulled Hephaistion into his arms and embraced him. "We will get through this together. Give Leander time and you will see that he will accept that his life has changed."

 

"Right now, there isn't much he can do to fight us," Hephaistion murmured.

 

"Correct, he will be bedridden for the next two weeks and that will give you – and Cassander – the time and opportunity you need to show him how much his life has changed." Alexander pressed a kiss onto Hephaistion's brow and then gave him an apologetic look. "I am afraid I tore your chiton apart."

 

"I hope you don’t expect me to walk back naked!" Hephaistion had picked up the shredded garment and gave it a disgusted look. Maybe he could use it to cover up his private parts...

 

Alexander picked up his tunic and gave Hephaistion a sinful smile. "I wouldn't mind watching your backside as you make your way back to our rooms."

 

Hephaistion looked at his lover from over his shoulder and gave him a similarly wicked smile. "If I have to do that, I will make you pay later."

"Oh, please make me pay. You know how much I like to beg for it."

 

Hephaistion burst out laughing, grabbed Alexander by the neck, and kissed him breathless. "Thank you for being you, Alexander."

 

"You are thanking me now, but you will curse me later." Alexander smiled. Teasing his lover, he pinched Hephaistion's buttock.

 

"Ah, do you plan on doing anything that will make me curse you?"

 

"I might," Alexander answered, wiggling an eyebrow. "You will find out…or not." And with those words, he walked toward the exit. "Are you joining me? I thought you wanted to spend time with Leander."

 

"Alexander, wait for me!" Hephaistion cursed his lover for not waiting for him and then grinned. Alexander was right: he was thanking his lover one moment and cursing him the next!

 

TBC

Part 11

 

Cassander was grateful that Leander had quickly fallen asleep again. The injured man seemed comfortable as he reclined against the pillows. His breathing had evened out and the lines of pain which had been etched onto the brow had begun to fade.

 

Cassander knew that he faced a difficult situation because Leander was determined to keep acting and feeling like Nouri. But maybe it was just too soon to demand that the young man change his ways. After all, Leander had only been three years old when family life had come to an end for him. Those three years were all he had been able to share with Hephaistion. Leander and Hephaistion would have to start working on a whole new bond and Cassander felt thankful that he had already established some sort of connection to Leander.

 

"I will join you in a moment." Hephaistion entered the room and his first look had been for his younger brother.

 

"Take your time. He isn't going anywhere." Cassander, once more stretched out on his side next to Leander, was still stroking the white hair. The next time the injured man woke Cassander was determined to get some food and water into him. He had wanted to do so that morning, but Leander had gone back to sleep too quickly. Cassander managed to cast a look at Hephaistion and saw the other man was wearing a morning robe Cassander had never seen before. The long hair was still damp and clung to Hephaistion's face.

 

A moment later Alexander appeared, looking clammy as well. Cassander reached the only conclusion he could: they must have visited the baths before coming here.

 

Alexander made his way over to the bed, lifted the bandage, and checked on the injury. It looked clean and was healing nicely. He picked up the jar with salve again before sitting down on the side of the bed behind Leander and smearing the oily substance onto the injured shoulder.

 

Alexander's ministrations woke Nouri and his big eyes revealed pain when they looked at Cassander. What was happening? He had been peacefully asleep one moment and now pain radiated from his shoulder!

 

"I am sorry that I woke you, Leander, but I need to attend to your shoulder. This balm helps you heal." Alexander had finished applying it and then handed the jar to Cassander. "Smear some onto the cut he suffered on his face as well."

 

Cassander smiled and did so with infinite care.

 

Nouri closed his eyes in bliss. Cassander's touch was gentle and felt like a caress.

 

"Alexander?" Bagoas, who had remembered that the King wanted to be addressed in that way, had soundlessly walked up to Alexander. "There is still some food left."

 

"Thank you, Bagoas." Alexander rose from the bed, took hold of Bagoas' hand, and pulled the younger man with him as he made his way over to the table where the servants had served the food. "Did you eat yet, Bagoas?" Although he loved Bagoas' slender form, he had noticed just how little the eunuch ate and he had promised himself to make certain Bagoas ate his fill.

 

"I am not hungry." He *was* hungry, but couldn't eat. He didn't want to end up fat like the other eunuchs.

 

"I want you to eat," Alexander declared and piled fruit, bread, and grilled meats onto a plate. "If you want to work it off later do that by dancing. But you *will* eat. I insist."

 

Bagoas released a deep sigh and stared in revolt at the large amount of food. He would have to make sure that he danced later to burn it all off again.

 

"Alexander, Leander hasn't eaten anything yet." Bagoas frowned. "And Cassander also still needs to eat."

 

Hephaistion returned that moment and cast a look full of longing at his younger brother. Cassander had applied the balm to the cut Leander had suffered on his face and the dark-haired man was now making soothing sounds.

 

Realizing that Hephaistion needed some time alone with Leander, Alexander took charge. "Cassander, why don't you join me for breakfast? And Hephaistion, why don't you help Leander eat his?" He handed Hephaistion another plate filled with light foods.

 

Cassander sighed. He didn't want to let go of his love, but knew he had no choice. It was the decent thing to do since he had been able to spend time with Leander and Hephaistion hadn't. It was important that the two brothers bonded again. "I will be back later." He cringed at seeing the defeated expression in those pale blue eyes. "I promise I will be back." Cassander leaned in closer and pressed a kiss onto his love's brow. Then he got up, walked away from the bed, and forced himself to sit down next to Alexander and eat breakfast. But he was ready to return to Leander's side the moment his love needed him.

 

Hephaistion felt nervous once he was facing his brother again. Thankfully, he felt calmer now and more in control. He had Alexander to thank for that. On their way back, they had made a small detour and had visited the baths, where they had cleaned up. That visit had saved him from having to make his way back there naked since the torn chiton had done little to hide his private parts. Dressed in long, comfortable robes and with his hair braided away from his face, Hephaistion seated himself on the side of the bed.

 

A lump of emotions formed in Nouri's throat at seeing Hephaistion sitting so close to him. The look in those azure eyes told him that Hephaistion had regained his inner calm and wouldn't be riled quickly. That reassured him somewhat, but he still felt worried about Hephaistion's future reactions to him. Would Hephaistion finally accept that nothing of Leander was left? That there was only Nouri now?

 

"You need to eat something." Hephaistion resolutely selected a strawberry and pushed it between his brother's teeth, not giving him a chance to protest.

 

Nouri was forced to eat the sweet fruit and seeing Hephaistion was ready to repeat the procedure with a slice of apple, he quickly said, "I am not hungry."

"Too bad, you need to eat. Now open up." Hephaistion remembered a different time when he had fed his little brother and smiled at the memory. "You were about two and you were determined not to eat because I didn't let you tag along with me into the stables. I didn't want you to go because I was afraid the horses might accidentally trample you. You were still so little. I couldn't take the risk. You were so angry with me that you crossed your arms, banged your head against the wall, and refused to eat. It took a lot of cajoling and me promising you that I would let you ride one of the horses for you to finally eat."

Nouri's eyes had closed during Hephaistion's little speech. Yes, he remembered that incident. He had eventually gotten his way. Hephaistion had never realized it, but his baby brother had known exactly how to manipulate him.

 

"And now I am feeding you again," Hephaistion said and chuckled.

 

"I can feed myself. Just put the plate down."

 

Hephaistion's smile brightened. At least his brother had given in and was willing to eat. He placed the tray onto the bed and watched closely how his brother nibbled on a piece of bread. Now that he was calm, Hephaistion saw, really saw, just how much it cost Leander to act composed as well. It was nothing but a mask, Leander's calm. On the inside, his brother still felt lost. "Leander, I realize this takes time and I want you to know that I will give you all the time you need."

 

"Hephaistion, I am not your brother." Nouri stopped eating and ignored the look Hephaistion shot him now that he wasn't nibbling on the foods any more. "There is nothing left of him."

 

Hephaistion shifted a little closer and rested a hand on his brother's hip. Rubbing the skin through the fabric of the robes Leander was wearing, he realized how real and how warm his brother felt. Leander was really there and Hephaistion was determined to never lose track of him again. "You remembered that incident, didn't you?"

 

Nouri swallowed hard. His mouth went dry and tears stung his eyes, but he was determined not to cry. "Hephaistion, I spent three years as your brother. The next seven, I was a servant and then I became Nouri. I have been Nouri for a while now." How could he make Hephaistion understand? "The baby brother you remember is gone."

 

"No, he isn't. I know it is you." Hephaistion knew he had to get through to Leander now or he might lose him forever. "Do you remember your favorite blanket?"

 

Leander blinked. Hephaistion was asking him such an odd question, but then he *did* remember.

 

Hephaistion saw the recognition in his brother's eyes. "You do. You loved that blanket. Our mother had made it when she realized she was expecting another child. It had become a rather colorful blanket made of bits and pieces of material she had found. You dragged it after you wherever you went. You would suckle on your thumb and with your other hand you would hold onto that blanket. I lost count of the times you tripped over it." Hephaistion sucked in his breath at seeing the blinding smile on his brother's face. He was almost there – had almost gotten through to Leander. "Once you fell flat on your face and you started crying…" He stopped, fervently hoping that Leander would finish for him.

 

Nouri remembered. He remembered happier days, even though he had carried away lots of bruises back then because he had been a toddler who had managed to bump into things. "And then you started to tickle me. I laughed until I had run out of breath."

 

Hephaistion's heart surged with hope. "And then I blew hard onto your stomach, sucking the skin there." Had Leander not been injured now, he would have repeated that motion.

 

Nouri blinked as he tried to rid himself of the tears that had escaped his eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

 

Hephaistion used his sleeve to wipe away Leander's tears. "Because I had to show you that you are Leander too."

 

Cassander, who had listened closely to every word they had said, now rose from his chair and walked over to the brothers. He lightly placed his hands on Hephaistion's shoulders and was relieved when the other man allowed the touch. Hephaistion and he were still far from being friends, but they were working on it. "He is right, you know. I understand that a part of Nouri will always remain with you, but there is Leander as well. Both of them deserve to exist."

 

Hephaistion eagerly nodded his head. "Listen to him, Leander, he is right."

 

Cassander smiled at his love. "Do you remember that night when I told that there was a person lurking beneath the surface? A person that wasn't Nouri and who was just waiting to appear? I see that person when you laugh at me. I saw him when you remembered that darn blanket tripping you. He is there, my love. He has been there all along. Why don't you give him the chance he so rightly deserves and let him out?"

 

Nouri felt frightened. No, even more than that: he felt terrified. They had no idea what they were asking him to do. "Don't you understand? I don't know who that person is, what he is like. What if you don't like him? I know you like Nouri," he said, addressing Cassander. "I don't want to lose you, Cassander. I love you… What if you don't love this new person you want me to become?" It was safer to remain Nouri than to try to become Leander again. "And how will your men react once they learn what a sorry excuse you have for a brother, Hephaistion? They will pester me with it." He doubted they would dare make any condescending remarks in Hephaistion's presence, but he knew it would happen if they caught him alone.

 

"If they say anything spiteful I will make them pay for it!" Hephaistion determinedly nodded his head. "But I have faith in them. They won't react in that way."

 

Cassander added, "If you worry about their reaction that much why don't we start with introducing you to them as my lover? That way, they will get a chance to get used to you."

 

Hephaistion approved of that idea. "We can take small steps, Leander."

 

"I don't know about any of this," Nouri murmured, growing more uncomfortable with each passing minute. He saw how determined they were and was afraid they would follow through no matter what he said and he wasn't ready yet to step out of the shadows. He felt safe there.

 

"Small steps," Hephaistion suggested. "We will take small steps."

 

Nouri swallowed again. He wanted to voice a request but wasn't sure he was allowed to do so. He had learned his lessons well when he had joined Darius' harem and taking the initiative in this way still scared him.

 

"What is it?" Hephaistion continued to rub his brother's skin through the fabric of his robes and leaned in close until their faces were only inches apart.

 

"Please give me time, Hephaistion. I never thought…never expected…for any of this to happen… I am scared… Can you understand that?"

 

Hephaistion nodded. His heart went out to his younger brother. "As I said before, we will take small steps."

 

"And the first step is that the two of you will stop keeping my patient from eating breakfast. Hephaistion, go, eat your fill. Cassander, go back to your rooms and make sure they are ready and comfortable for when Leander moves in."

 

Three pair of eyes looked at Alexander. "What?" Alexander asked and shrugged his shoulders. "Once Leander is strong enough to be moved, he will live with you, Cassander. I want my bed back." He winked at Leander, who had given him a guilty look for occupying his bed. "Don't look that pleased, Cassander. You get Leander during the night. The days, he will spend with Hephaistion."

 

Nouri gasped. Alexander had stated everything with absolute confidence. It appeared his opinion wouldn't be asked in this matter.

 

Alexander cocked his head. "I guess this is acceptable to you, Leander?"

 

Nouri felt overwhelmed as Alexander asked him for his opinion. He gave the arrangement some thought and then smiled. "That sounds good to me." It really did, now that he was thinking about it.

 

"That has been taken care of then. Cassander, what are you waiting for? Go. It is Hephaistion's turn to spend time with Leander. You can claim your lover again at sun set."

 

Bagoas had watched everything with a sad smile on his face. He was happy that Nouri had turned out to be Leander. His friend had not only earned himself a lover, but a brother as well. There was no doubt in Bagoas' mind that Cassander and Hephaistion would work hard to make Leander happy and even Alexander would try. Then why did he feel so lonely watching them? Alexander had Hephaistion, Cassander Leander, and he, Bagoas, had no one. Wasn't that the story of his life?

 

~~~

 

Cassander disliked being ordered away from his love's side, but realized that Hephaistion needed the time. So, Cassander decided to make good use of his time and returned to his rooms to have a critical look at them. What could he change to make Leander feel more at home? His lover would be bedridden for some time. He had to take that into account as well. Now that he had something to do, Cassander focused on the task at hand. It would distract him until sun set.

 

~~~

 

Nouri watched Hephaistion closely when the older man rose from the bed. The last few hours had been surreal. Hephaistion had talked and talked, reminiscing about the past and he had found that he remembered most of the incidents Hephaistion had referred to. A part of him wanted to embrace Hephaistion's return to his life and tell him how much he loved and had missed him. But another part, which was Nouri, wanted to run away and hide. That was the part that remembered the abuse he had suffered and just how tainted he really was.

 

He didn't get much time to brood though as Bagoas took Hephaistion's place and sat there, smiling at him. "Bagoas…" Here was someone who could relate to him, who understood how he felt because Bagoas had lived that life – was still living it. "You understand why I can't do this, don't you? You have to make Hephaistion understand that his younger brother is gone."

 

But Bagoas shook his head and gave his friend a disapproving look. "Do you realize the chance you have been given? Do you have any idea what I would give to have the love and dedication Hephaistion and Cassander feel toward you? The abuse you suffered in the harem has stopped, you have gained a lover and a brother, and you can start rebuilding your life. You are the lucky one, Leander."

 

Nouri cringed as even Bagoas called him by that name. "But Bagoas, how can Hephaistion want me in his life again? I am such a pitiful excuse for a brother!"

 

Bagoas' expression hardened. "It is time to stop feeling sorry, my friend. I know how deeply you have been hurt for I have experienced the same pain. I have been raped too. I still live that life today, but do you see me succumbing to self-pity? No and neither will you because you are stronger than that, do you hear me?"

 

"Bagoas… I…" He was at a loss for words. Bagoas had been the one he had thought would understand, would support him, and now his friend was telling him to stop feeling sorry for himself and embrace his future. "How do I do that? How do I stop being Nouri?"

 

"You don't have to stop being Nouri. Nouri was a kind and compassionate friend. Take his best qualities and treasure them. Add them to what you remember Leander was like and let the two of them guide you."

 

"You always were a good friend, Bagoas." He reached for his friend's hand and curled his fingers around Bagoas' digits. The truth was that he felt lost. Hephaistion had talked about scenes of their childhood and it had made him aware that Leander *had* survived and that he wanted out. But he was still Nouri as well and he didn't know how to blend those two personalities together. Had someone asked him how he wanted to be addressed right now, he wouldn't have been able to give them an answer. He felt… empty and, at the same time, so full of emotions and memories that they threatened to drown him.

 

"You don't have to shed your old skin right now, my friend. You have time. Neither Hephaistion nor Cassander will force you to do that when you are not ready yet." Bagoas smiled at the confused man. "You must be tired." Talking had to be draining the injured man. Hephaistion had also made his brother finish breakfast and those two things had taxed Leander's strength. "It is okay to rest. You can go to sleep."

 

"Bagoas? Would you fetch Hephaistion?" He felt like a toddler all over again and needed his big brother close. His brother would keep all evil away from him and keep him safe.

 

"Of course." Bagoas leaned in closer and pressed a kiss onto Leander's brow. He didn't have to search for Hephaistion since the older man had overheard their conversation and was ready to take his place at his brother's side again. Bagoas rose from the bed, smiled at the injured man, and then stepped away so Hephaistion could take his place.

 

"I am here," Hephaistion murmured.

 

"I am glad you are." His fingers curled around Hephaistion's and he tried to pull his brother close. However, he lacked the strength to do so.

 

Hephaistion realized what his brother needed from him and stretched out beside Leander. Tenderly, he pulled his brother as close as Leander's injury allowed and wrapped his arms around the injured man. "I am here… I have you… You are safe with me." He hadn't been able to keep Leander safe in the past, but from this moment on, he would defend his brother with his life.

 

~~~

 

Alexander was quite observant when he chose to be. He had noticed the way Leander was reaching out to Hephaistion, although he doubted the injured man would agree to see it that way. He had also noticed how happy Hephaistion was now that Leander was letting him back in. The fact that Cassander would move heaven and earth to make Leander happy hadn't come as a surprise to Alexander – he expected nothing less from a man who proclaimed to love – truly love Hephaistion's brother. Alexander would give Hephaistion the world and he planned on doing just that.

 

Alexander had also seen the lonely expression in Bagoas' eyes and it had made him think. Now that Nouri was doing all this emotional blood letting, Alexander wondered just how much abuse Bagoas had suffered in the past. When Nabarzanes had offered Bagoas to him as a peace offering, he had accepted for two reasons: one, because he could be merciful when his former enemies bowed to him, and two, because Bagoas' sad beauty had called to him – even back then.

 

The previous night had given him some indication of how Hephaistion thought about letting Bagoas in. Hephaistion seemed to be warming up to the idea and that pleased Alexander. He felt secure in his love for Hephaistion and knew that Hephaistion didn't feel threatened by Bagoas. Those two things could work in Bagoas' advantage, if Alexander pushed the matter with Hephaistion, but that was exactly the problem. Hephaistion was solely focused on Leander and Alexander understood that, but that left Bagoas out in the cold and Alexander didn't want that. Like Nouri, Bagoas deserved better than living a life in servitude. He deserved love – even though it wouldn't be the true love a really devoted lover would offer him because Alexander had long reserved those feelings for his Hephaistion. But maybe their affection would do until Bagoas met someone who *really* loved him.

 

"Is there a way I can be of service?" Bagoas had seen the pondering look in Alexander's eyes and was eager to try to take it away. He didn't like seeing his King burdened.

 

"Actually, there is." Alexander took Bagoas' hand in his and pulled him close. Seeing the surprise in Bagoas' eyes was something he had expected to see. One look told him that Hephaistion had stretched out next to Leander and was holding his brother while Leander dozed.

 

"My King?" Bagoas felt unbalanced, not knowing why Alexander was holding his hand like he was.

 

"My name is Alexander." Alexander wrapped an arm around Bagoas' waist and pulled him over to the bed.

 

Hephaistion smiled as he saw them stand there and nodded his head. "I will stay with my brother until Cassander arrives."

 

"In that case, I will go for a walk with Bagoas." Matters of state – so called important issues – waited for him on his desk, but Alexander rebelled and preferred to spend his time with Bagoas. He would make up for it later when they all slept.

 

"With me?" Bagoas had unwillingly spoken the words aloud. He had been too surprised to merely think them.

 

"Yes, with you," Alexander answered as he guided Bagoas toward the doorway. "And maybe you will dance for me? Just for me?"

 

Bagoas didn't really know what to make of Alexander's behavior, but like always, he would obey and do as he was told.

 

~~~

 

Hephaistion became alert the moment the door opened. Remembering his failure to protect Leander just a few days previous, he quickly identified Cassander and then relaxed again. He had vowed to himself that no one would ever hurt his brother again. "He has been asleep most of the day," Hephaistion said, mentally preparing himself for the moment that he had to let go of Leander and award his space to Cassander.

 

"Did he eat anything yet?" Cassander smiled at the two men. He found it surprisingly easy to be friendly towards Hephaistion. Only a few weeks ago, he had disliked the man, but then, he hadn't really known Hephaistion. He had judged Hephaistion unfairly.

 

"Not since breakfast. He should probably eat and drink something, but his sleep has been peaceful and I didn't want to wake him."

 

"I will have some food brought." Cassander summoned one of the servants and relayed his orders. Once he had done so, he returned to the bed. He sat down opposite Hephaistion so he could see the other man's face. "Did the two of you talk some more?"

 

"We did, although Bagoas' words had the most impact on him."

 

"What did he say?"

 

Hephaistion summarized what Bagoas had said and Cassander nodded his head in approval. "I am not blind," Hephaistion started. "I know how badly he has been hurt and I see the shame and guilt which torments him."

 

"He needs time," Cassander answered, giving Hephaistion a reassuring smile. "And I am already working on the shame and guilt part."

 

Hephaistion nodded his head once and stared at Leander's face which was relaxed in sleep. "I don't envy you for what you have to contend with."

 

"I will manage," Cassander answered and took to gently caressing a strand of the white hair. "I will manage because I love him."

 

Hephaistion smiled and raised his gaze so he could look Cassander in the eye. "I am surprised that you love him like that. In all these years, I never thought…"

 

Cassander interrupted Hephaistion. "It is not your fault. I never let anyone see that I cared. During our school years the lot of you had drawn your conclusions and I did nothing to change them. I was content to let you think that way."

 

"But not anymore."

 

"No, Nouri changed that." Seeing Hephaistion ready to correct him, Cassander quickly added, "I said that on purpose, Hephaistion. It was Nouri who first touched my heart."

 

"But you realize he is Leander too?"

 

"I do… Trust me, I do. I am also aware of the 'problems' it will cause." Cassander loved the way the white hair danced through his fingers. "I have to find a way to make them one, Nouri and Leander, and my most difficult challenge will lie between the sheets."

 

Hephaistion swallowed hard, uncertain he had the courage he needed to follow through with his conversation. "How far did you go?"

 

"We kissed, that's all we did." Cassander had at first felt surprised that Hephaistion would ask him that, but once he had thought about it, he understood. "I am not rushing. He will tell me in his own way when he is ready to take the next step. His expression and body language will tell me."

 

"Love is a powerful emotion, isn't it?" Hephaistion drew in a deep breath, pressed a kiss onto his brother's brow and untangled himself from Leander.

 

"Yes, it is. I had no idea just how strong until now." Leander gave Hephaistion a grateful look now that the other man had left the bed.

 

"Why don't you hold him until they bring the food?" Hephaistion felt emotional and trembled due to the fierce emotions that coursed through him.

 

Cassander took Hephaistion's place at Leander's side and carefully held the injured man in a loose embrace. "He will recover," Cassander offered as he saw the mix of emotions in Hephaistion's eyes. "He will recover because he has us and our love."

 

Hephaistion nodded once and smiled. Cassander was right: their love would help Leander heal.

 

TBC

 

Family Secrets

Part 12

 

One week later…

 

Alexander judged Leander recovered enough to be moved to Cassander's rooms one week later. In the mean time, Hephaistion, Bagoas, and he had slept in the eunuch's bed and, although Alexander didn't exactly mind, he was relieved to be getting his luxurious bed back.

 

"Now drink this. Then we can move you." Alexander had seated himself on the side of the bed and pressed the goblet into Leander's hand.

 

Nouri looked at the swirling liquid with obvious distrust on his face. "What is it?" Although he had made some progress during the last week, he still refused to see himself as Leander. There was still too much of Nouri inside him to make that leap of faith yet. He was leaning against Cassander, who was keeping him upright so he could drink Alexander's concoction.

 

"It will put you to sleep," Alexander answered truthfully, seeing no benefit in lying. "I don't want you to be conscious when we move you. You are still in a considerable amount of pain and I can't promise we won't jostle you when we make our way over there." Alexander exchanged a knowing look with Cassander. Cassander was busy stroking Leander's back and soothing the injured man in that way.

 

"I don't want to go to sleep," Nouri complained. He gave Alexander a pleading look. "Can't I walk the distance? I am stronger than I look."

 

"I know you are strong," Hephaistion replied, smiling at his younger brother. "But you haven't recovered enough to walk that distance. Cassander's rooms are in a different corridor and the last thing we want is for you to faint because you overestimated your strength." Hephaistion felt proud of his younger brother. Although Leander still refused to answer to that name, the times that his younger brother was popping out from beneath the surface were increasing. Nouri was still there as well and Hephaistion reckoned his brother would discover who he really was in time.

 

Nouri reluctantly gave in and sipped the concoction, which tasted bitter. His hand trembled and Cassander quickly placed his hand beneath his to support him. "Thank you," he whispered. During the last week, he had realized that he trusted Cassander unconditionally *and* that he was utterly in love with the dark-haired man. He had cherished the last few nights in which Cassander had held him close and guarded his sleep. They had exchanged more kisses and Nouri found himself blushing regularly.

 

Alexander waited for his patient to empty his goblet and, when Leander had done just that, Alexander said, "Cassander? He will go to sleep within the next few minutes."

 

"Don't want to…" Nouri muttered in a petulant voice, but he stood no chance and quickly dozed off. His eyes closed and even in his sleep, he rubbed his cheek against Cassander's shoulder.

 

Alexander realized he now faced a problem: Hephaistion and Cassander both wanted to carry their charge. He rose from the bed and placed a hand on Hephaistion's shoulder. "Let Cassander do this." He had seen the bond between the two brothers begin to form and all Leander and Hephaistion needed was time. They were blood – they were already connected in a way which could never be broken. But it was different for Cassander. "I know it is hard for you to step back and let Cassander take over," Alexander murmured into Hephaistion's ear. "But it is the right thing to do."

 

Hephaistion knew that. Cassander and he had started to become friends having found common ground where Leander was concerned and they were working together to further Leander's physical and emotional well-being. But it was still hard for him to let Cassander lift and carry Leander when he felt he had the oldest rights to that.

 

"We will walk you to your rooms," Alexander said decisively. "Bagoas, arrange for dinner to be served when Hephaistion and I get back?"

 

Bagoas nodded his head and watched them leave. Cassander cradled Leander securely against his chest and walked slowly and carefully. Hephaistion walked behind Cassander, ready to move in should Cassander accidentally stumble and threaten to drop Leander. Alexander fell into step beside Hephaistion and gave Bagoas a little wink before he stepped into the corridor.

 

Bagoas blinked, still wondering what had gotten into Alexander, and Hephaistion for that matter, during the last week. It had started the night the astrologer had attacked Hephaistion. That had been the first night which he had spent in Hephaistion's arms. That scene had repeated itself each night for the past week. When they went to bed, Hephaistion would reach for him and bury him in a hug and Alexander would spoon up behind Hephaistion. Although sleeping in that way felt incredibly nice, the fact that they were doing nothing but sleep puzzled Bagoas.

 

One time, he had thought they were waiting for him to show his eagerness to pleasure them and he had tried to curl his fingers around Alexander's member, but the King had wrapped his fingers around his and had steered his hand away from his groin. Bagoas just didn't understand their intentions. Like Nouri, he was a eunuch and his purpose in life was to pleasure his owner. And now those owners only wanted to sleep in bed while holding him.

 

Bagoas recalled Alexander's order and told the servants to bring dinner in a few minutes. He didn't expect them to linger long in Cassander's rooms. Alexander and Hephaistion would give Cassander and Leander the privacy they had missed during the last week.

 

Closing the door behind him, he frowned as he realized that something else had also changed. Alexander would bring delicacies back to his rooms and make him at least taste them. On more than one occasion, Alexander had insisted he ate all of the chocolate, pastries, or other sugar-filled foods he had brought. Bagoas almost suspected Alexander was trying to fatten him up and he had to be careful not to put on any weight. Although…he lost whatever food he had eaten during the day because he was now dancing each night. Alexander insisted he got back in shape and made him dance for them each evening before they went to bed. Most of the time, Bagoas quickly dozed off because his dancing had tired him.

 

Yes, things had definitely changed in his life, but he didn't really know what to make of those changes.

 

~~~

 

Cassander carefully lowered his love onto the center of the bed while Alexander piled some pillows against the headboard of the bed. Together, the two of them made sure Leander rested comfortably and that the pressure was largely off of the injured shoulder.

 

Not meddling took most of Hephaistion's self-discipline, but he had reached a point where he realized that Cassander was his brother's lover and the fact was that Leander felt most comfortable around Cassander.

 

Cassander smoothed the pale hair away from Leander's face and smiled at his love. He was happy to have Leander in his rooms, for it meant that their nights would truly belong to them. Alexander would no longer check on them during the night now that Leander had healed sufficiently. "I will have him ready for when you come over in the morning, Hephaistion. And I promise to make myself scarce." Though he had no idea how to keep himself occupied during the day, he would try.

 

"I will be here at sun rise." Hephaistion refused to waste even a minute he could share with his brother.

 

Alexander frowned deeply. That meant no sex in the morning then…

 

~~~

 

Hephaistion placed a chaste kiss onto Leander's brow and then joined Alexander at the doorway. "Take good care of him, Cassander."

 

"I will," Cassander answered passionately. "He will want for nothing."

 

Hephaistion knew Cassander meant it and forced himself to follow Alexander into the corridor. He wanted to stay with his brother instead, but knew he had to let Cassander do this.

 

Alexander felt it was best to distract his lover from his obvious brooding and pinched Hephaistion's buttock in order to get some attention.

 

Hephaistion jumped and glared at Alexander. "Don't do that!" He rubbed his buttock and gave his lover a thoughtful look. "What was that about?"

 

"Just thought I should make my presence known."

 

"I am sorry," Hephaistion murmured. "I have neglected you, haven't I?"

 

"Not really," Alexander answered and rested his hand at the small of Hephaistion's back in a demonstration of ownership. "I understand that Leander comes first at the moment."

 

"But still… I have neglected you." Hephaistion offered Alexander an apologetic look.

 

"Don't worry about that. If you want to worry about something, worry about Bagoas." Seeing Hephaistion arch an eyebrow, Alexander smiled: his diversion tactic had worked. Hephaistion was so puzzled that he had momentarily forgotten to worry about Leander.

 

"Bagoas? What is amiss with Bagoas?"

 

"Haven't you noticed the mystified looks he keeps giving us?" Alexander slowed down his pace since he wanted to talk this through with Hephaistion before reaching their rooms.

 

"Yes, I have seen those, but I didn't worry about them." He had worried about Leander instead.

 

"Personally, I think he doesn't know what to make of the fact that we haven't taken him yet." Alexander came to a stop now that Hephaistion had halted in his tracks. Turning around, he grinned at his lover. "Don't you agree?"

 

"Do you think that is it?" Hephaistion frowned and forced himself to tackle Alexander's question and assumptions. He should have given the matter some thought, but he had been too focused on his brother.

 

"Bagoas was Darius' favorite 'toy'."

 

Hephaistion's eyebrow inched higher. "Toy?"

 

"That is what the nobles call Bagoas when they think I am not listening. They think he is my toy now." Alexander looked Hephaistion in the eye. "Darius used Bagoas' body as he pleased and so did the nobles Darius lent Bagoas to. Bagoas now expects the same treatment at our hands."

 

Alexander's words made sense to Hephaistion. "I didn't really give his past that much thought, but I reckon it resembles Leander's."

 

"It resembles Nouri's," Alexander answered, frowning. "They were here to pleasure the King. They were castrated in order to make them docile, to keep them look young, slender, and boyish and they wouldn't pose a threat to the women here or the nobles since they weren't considered 'real' men."

 

Hephaistion nodded his head. He trusted Cassander to deal with the sexual after effects of his brother's stay in the harem, but Alexander was right: they couldn't forget about Bagoas. "What do you suggest?"

 

"I think we should go slow with him and, foremost, be gentle." Alexander resumed walking and Hephaistion fell into step beside him. "We can't rush things. I do think Bagoas genuinely likes us, but we have to gain his trust first."

 

Hephaistion agreed. It would take time, but he hoped they could undo some of the damage Darius and all those other men had done.

 

~~~

 

"Awake again? Good." Cassander had carried a tray filled with food over to their bed and placed it on the nightstand. "You are going to eat now and don't tell me you are not hungry."

 

Nouri felt a bit overwhelmed. He had only woken up a moment ago and he still felt dazed. He didn't know what was in that concoction Alexander had made him drink but it had left him feeling confused.

 

Cassander wavered. What should he call his lover? Nouri? Or Leander? In the end, he settled for using no name at all. "What is wrong?"

 

"I feel a bit…strange," Nouri whispered, blinking his eyes a few times to get his bearings. Then he realized that he wasn't in Alexander's rooms anymore.

 

Cassander had intercepted the questioning look and said, "You are in my rooms now…my bed." He grinned. "That is where you should have been right from the start," he added in a teasing tone.

 

"Cassander, I feel a bit…" He felt dizzy and his world was spinning rapidly.

 

Cassander immediately stopped his teasing. "Alexander said you would feel a bit wobbly for some time. He also said it would go away more quickly if you had something to eat and drink." Cassander ripped a chunk off of a sweet pastry and offered it to his lover. "Eat."

 

Nouri obediently chewed and swallowed. When Cassander offered him some water, he drank that too. It took a few minutes, but eventually his vertigo faded. "What was in that medicine?"

 

"We don't want to know," Cassander answered, smiling again. "Feeling better?"

 

"I think so." Cassander fed him another small piece of pastry and Nouri chewed and swallowed again. "So what do you plan on doing now that you finally have me in your bed?" It was strange. He should feel vulnerable and intimidated now that he was in bed with another man, but he didn't because this was Cassander and Cassander loved him.

 

"I am going to spoil you rotten," Cassander murmured rather wickedly. "I am going to make certain that you never want to leave my bed again." He continued to feed his lover, who didn't seem to mind, and he took great pleasure in feeling that tongue lick his fingers on the way out. He momentarily sobered and asked, "What do I call you? I don't know what you prefer, so I thought I had better ask. I don't want to hurt your feelings."

 

Nouri realized that he had reached a crossroad in his life. He could continue to act, feel, and pretend he was still Nouri, the easily-scared eunuch, or he could accept that he was more – much more. But still, making that choice was hard on him. For if he told Cassander to call him Leander he would have to start thinking of himself in that way as well. He would slip, he knew that. Occasionally, Nouri's fear would paralyze him and make him tremble, but he could no longer deny that there was another part of him that needed to be acknowledged as well.

 

"I hope it is a good sign that you need time to think that over," Cassander commented as he ran his fingertips along his lover's jaw.

 

"I don't know about that, Cassander. I feel…I feel like I am two people. Can you understand that?"

 

Cassander shrugged his shoulders. "No, I can't. Not really. That never happened to me."

 

"How do I figure out who I am?"

 

"Who do you want to be?" Cassander asked as he gently caressed his lover's brow. "Do you want to be Nouri? Or do you want to become Leander? The first one is the safest choice for you. You already know who Nouri is and how to act like him. But Nouri is ruled by pain and fear. Do you want to feel like that?

 

Leander is a more risky choice. You would have to work hard to be the best you can be. You would have to fully accept Hephaistion and act like his brother. You would have to become his brother again. If you choose that road, you might find happiness, love, and acceptance. Why is it such a hard choice for you?" Cassander frowned.

 

"The way you make it sound it isn't a hard choice." He closed his eyes and focused on feeling Cassander's fingers on his face. Becoming Leander… How did he do that?

 

"I can help you, Leander." Cassander took a huge risk when he chose to use that name to address his lover. "I will always love Nouri as well and he doesn't have to cease to exist. I don't want him to go away completely. I love him." The turquoise eyes opened and stared at him in mute pleading. "No matter who you choose to be, I will support and love you, but I wish you would find the courage to become Leander again."

 

Becoming Leander… That thought scared him. He had been Nouri for so long. But he knew Cassander was right. Hephaistion, Cassander, Bagoas, and even Alexander had been preparing him for this moment the last week. "I am scared, Cassander… Will you help me? Will you continue to love me?"

 

"I will, Leander," Cassander answered, sensing his lover had made his decision and it had been made in Leander's favor.

 

"I will try, Cassander. I will try to become Leander again."

 

"That is all I am asking, my love." Cassander gently covered his lover's lips with his and held him close. He was so proud of the young man in his arms. Leander had finally found the strength to take the next step on the long way of recovery.

 

~~~

 

"Bagoas?" Hephaistion patted the pillow next to him, indicating the raven-haired man should sit there.

 

Bagoas, as always eager to please, did as he was told. They had settled down on the balcony – the two of them that was. Alexander had said that he would join them later, needing to make up for the time when he should have been working on plans, campaigns, and his correspondence. So he had sent Hephaistion and Bagoas onto the balcony because then they wouldn't distract him when they weren't close. He had sent out the food with them and the servants had carried everything onto the balcony.

 

Bagoas felt lazy. He had eaten too much and felt sated. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this warm and full inside.

 

The pillows they were reclining against were soft and made from silk and were filled with feathers, making for a perfect mattress.

 

Hephaistion had rested his back against the wall, but his long legs were stretched out on the pillows as well. "Move closer," he whispered, trying to read the emotions in Bagoas' eyes. Why was it always so hard to read them?

 

Bagoas was surprised when Hephaistion pulled him between his legs. Hephaistion raised his knees on either side of him, tightly wedging him between them. The way they were sitting felt intimate and Bagoas began to feel nervous. Just what did Hephaistion have in mind for him that night?

 

To Bagoas' surprise, all Hephaistion did was slide his fingers through his long hair. Hephaistion divided the strands and began to braid them. Bagoas' eyes widened when he realized with how much tenderness the other man was moving his fingers through his tresses. Having been trained to never question his master's actions, he submitted.

 

Hephaistion loved the way Bagoas' hair adapted between his fingers. "I always wanted to see you wear it like this." He had braided the raven hair into a single, loose plait. Bagoas felt tense and Hephaistion realized Alexander was right. Bagoas didn't know what to make of their behavior. "Rest against me," he suggested and pulled Bagoas' back against his chest. "Our situation is reversed now."

 

It took Bagoas a moment to truly understand what Hephaistion was saying, but then he knew. After Nouri had been stabbed, it had been Hephaistion resting against him in this manner.

 

"I want to thank you for supporting me when I needed it. You didn't have to do that." Hephaistion rested his chin on Bagoas' shoulder and loosely wrapped his arms around the eunuch's waist.

 

Bagoas was at a loss. He didn't know what to say.

 

"Bagoas, can I ask you a personal question?" Hephaistion frowned as he felt Bagoas tense up further in his embrace. "You don't have to answer when you don't want to."

 

"I will answer," Bagoas responded softly. It wouldn't do to deny his Lord and master.

 

"Have you ever had a lover? I don't mean Darius or any of the men you were forced to sleep with. I mean a lover. Someone who loved you? Someone who wanted to please you?"

 

Bagoas shivered. "No, I haven't." He saw no reason to lie.

 

Hephaistion moistened his lips before posing his next question. "Would you like to have one?"

 

Bagoas sucked in his breath in surprise. "My Lord, I can't take a lover."

 

Hephaistion sighed, feeling a bit exasperated now that Bagoas was back to calling him 'my Lord'. "And why is that? And stop calling me that."

 

Bagoas felt utterly confused. "I belong to the King. I am his."

 

Hephaistion nuzzled Bagoas' neck and realized how pleasant the eunuch's scent was…how well Bagoas fit in his arms. "And what if the King decided to become your lover?"

 

"Then I would perform my duty to him, of course." Why was Hephaistion nuzzling his neck? And did he really feel lips pressed against his skin?

 

"I am not talking about duty, Bagoas. I am talking about taking a lover." Hephaistion wondered how he could make Bagoas understand. "If you had the choice, would you want Alexander as your lover? Would you want me? And answer me honestly. I know when you lie." He didn't, but that was something Bagoas didn't need to know.

 

Bagoas paled. Hephaistion's questions struck him as rather unfair. "I like Alexander and I like you. You must understand: I don't have a choice. Choosing a lover is not an option."

 

Hephaistion sighed and tried again. "You said you like Alexander…and you like me. What if I told you that the feeling is mutual? That we like you too?" This time he got a reaction as Bagoas turned his head to look at him from over his shoulder. "What? You don't believe that?"

 

"My Lord, with all due respect, I am a eunuch. I am your slave. I don't have to like you in order to pleasure you in bed."

 

Hephaistion's eyes narrowed. "You once told my brother to stop feeling sorry for himself and to accept the gift he had been given, namely a chance at a new life with a lover and a brother in it. Now I am telling you the same thing. Alexander and I are offering you our affection and we don't want you in our bed because you feel you need to pleasure us because we are your 'masters'. We want you in our bed because we want *you* – it is as simple as that."

 

"But I don't understand," Bagoas started, frowning deeply. "I thought the two of you were devoted to each other. Why then include me?"

 

"Alexander and I discussed this, Bagoas. We have seen how lonely you are and we want to change that. You are right – we can't offer you the same love Alexander and I share – but we can still give you love." Hephaistion smiled and remembered something Alexander had once said. "There are many different ways to love, Bagoas."

 

"I don't know…" Bagoas felt overwhelmed.

 

"You don't have to answer right now." Hephaistion pulled Bagoas close and inhaled the sweet scent. "I hope you will allow me to continue to hold you close at night? You feel right in my arms." To his amusement, Bagoas grew flustered and quickly turned his head away from him so he could no longer see the handsome face. That was when Hephaistion realized that Bagoas was actually rather shy now that his guard was down.

 

"I like that," Bagoas admitted. "I like it when you hold me." He felt less lonely in Hephaistion's arms.

 

"Then we will continue to sleep in that way." Hephaistion closed his eyes and smiled into the night. His talk with Bagoas had gone better than he had thought.

 

~~~

 

"Are the two of you ready to go to bed?" Alexander leaned against the wall and watched the other two men. Bagoas still had a somewhat stunned expression on his face, which told him that Hephaistion must have talked to him. Hephaistion on the other hand looked extremely comfortable holding Bagoas.

 

Since Hephaistion still had his arms wrapped around Bagoas, he felt the eunuch tremble a little. "We will sleep. Nothing will happen if you don't want it." Hephaistion pushed himself to his feet and pulled Bagoas along with him. He made his way over to Alexander and gave his lover a warning look.

 

Bagoas came to a halt in front of Alexander and stared at the floor. He didn't know what to make of Hephaistion's words and felt confused.

 

Alexander saw that and reacted to the emotions which were finally showing on Bagoas' face. He placed a finger beneath Bagoas' chin and lifted the face. The first change he noticed was that Bagoas looked him in the eye without being ordered or cajoled into doing so. "I don't know exactly what Hephaistion said, but you can believe him. I want this too. I want you to share our bed. I don't want you to be lonely."

 

Bagoas swallowed nervously. "I know my duties toward my King."

 

"You are just as stubborn as Hephaistion's brother." Alexander shook his head. "I am not ordering you. I am not talking about 'duty'. This should be about affection and desire. Bagoas, if you don't desire us, say so and we will stop bringing it up. And no, we won't kick you out of bed. Hephaistion likes to hold you and I want nothing more than to please him. But if you *do* desire us, tell us – in your own time of course." Alexander shook his head when Bagoas tried to speak again. "You had better not say anything right now. Think everything over first."

 

Bagoas actually felt relieved to be receiving that order. He needed to think. He needed to understand what they were really saying. It felt like they were talking in a language he didn't comprehend.

 

Alexander guided Bagoas over to the bed, undressed the eunuch, and then shrugged out of his own robes. "Come with me," he ordered while pulling Bagoas onto the bed with him. Hephaistion had already slipped between the sheets and was reaching for Bagoas.

 

Bagoas lay down facing away from Hephaistion like he had for the last week. But this time, he pressed back so Hephaistion could hold him tighter.

 

Hephaistion noticed this and it made him smile. "Good night, Bagoas. I hope you will sleep well and that your dreams will be filled with light and bliss." Boldly, he pressed a kiss against Bagoas' throat.

 

Bagoas' heart missed a beat as he realized that Hephaistion *had* kissed him. No one had ever kissed him without expecting something in return.

 

Alexander spooned up behind Hephaistion and this time he managed to enfold Bagoas into his embrace as well. He rested his hand on the eunuch's flank and rubbed the skin there. "We are damn lucky that the bed is so big," he commented, trying to make them laugh.

 

It worked. Both Hephaistion and Bagoas chuckled. Alexander's remark chased away the lingering tension between them and, one by one, they fell asleep.

 

TBC

 

Part 13

 

The next morning, even though it wasn't even morning yet as the sun hadn't properly begun to rise yet, Bagoas woke to moaning, groaning, growling, and even a bit of purring. Hephaistion's arms were gone and there was some motion going on behind him, making the mattress shift beneath him.

 

"Alexander…"

 

Hephaistion's voice had a sensual ring to it and another moan joined the others already floating through the room. Bagoas quickly deduced just what the two men were doing. It didn't take a lot of intelligence to figure out they were making love.

 

"Yes, just like that…move your hips just like that."

 

Hephaistion's voice was laced with sensual tension and it told Bagoas how close the dark-haired man was to finding release. It didn't surprise him that they were making love, but what *did* surprise him was that they hadn't made use of the fact that he was in bed with them. He had been vulnerable in his sleep and they could have easily taken advantage of him. But then Hephaistion's words returned to him and the little speech Alexander had given also. It made sense, he decided, as to why they didn't need to force themselves on anyone, since they only desired each other. And now they desired him. At least...that was what they had told him.

 

The rocking of the bed intensified and Bagoas couldn't help growing curious. Who was taking who? And in which way? Did he dare to turn around in order to find out?

 

Bagoas bit his bottom lip and then made the decision to turn onto his other side.

 

"Ah, someone woke up." Alexander smiled at Bagoas and gave him another wink.

 

Bagoas' breath caught as he saw Alexander straddling Hephaistion's hips. Hephaistion didn't even have to thrust upward to provide them with friction as Alexander kept rotating his hips in a very sinful way. Hephaistion had thrown his head back, closed his eyes, and his hands had been forced into the mattress. Alexander had twined their fingers and used them to support himself as he impaled himself on Hephaistion's erection. The two of them were a magnificent sight to behold and Bagoas found himself staring at them.

 

Alexander's smile faded as he approached orgasm. He concentrated on getting the angle right so his lover's cock could hit his prostate directly. The jolt of pleasure that moved through him made him bow his head and caused him to still himself and focus on the waves of intense bliss that swept over him.

 

Hephaistion moaned pitifully as he felt Alexander's seed hit his abdomen and his lover's inner muscles clenched him tightly. "I am coming…" Hephaistion arched his back and drove himself even deeper into Alexander's body. A moment later, he came hard and howled his lover's name as he did.

 

Bagoas felt rather awed as he saw the ease and confidence with which they moved. It was obvious that these two men knew each other's bodies well and knew exactly how to please the other man the most. And that was when Bagoas realized something important: they were concentrating on what the other man needed and their own needs and desires were set aside. That was amazing.

 

"Good morning, Bagoas. Did we wake you?" Alexander lowered himself onto Hephaistion and rubbed his chest against his lover's. Hephaistion's nipples grew hard and Alexander wickedly rubbed his lower body against his lover's groin, seeing if he could get Hephaistion to grow erect again. But it appeared his lover was too exhausted to go for round two.

 

"Yes, you did actually." Bagoas felt strangely paralyzed and wondered what he was supposed to do. Hephaistion's eyes opened as well and Bagoas' breath caught as he saw the dark glow in them. They looked satiated and content.

 

"Good morning," Hephaistion murmured, still experiencing some afterglow effects which made him feel giddy -- giddy enough to ask, "Will you kiss me, Bagoas?"

 

Bagoas' eyes widened. During his life in the harem, he had learned to expect other requests. This was the first time ever that someone was asking him for a kiss – nothing but a simple kiss. In the past, men had demanded he did other things – painful things.

 

"Only if you want to," Hephaistion quickly added as he saw the confusion in Bagoas' eyes.

 

"I can do that." Bagoas leaned in closer and pressed his lips against Hephaistion's. He expected that to be it, but suddenly Hephaistion grabbed him, rested his hand at the nape of his neck, and held him in place. Bagoas' heart thundered when he couldn't pull away and he wished he knew Hephaistion's plans for him. But then Hephaistion's tongue nudged against his lips and teeth and Bagoas obediently awarded Hephaistion entry. Hephaistion slipped his tongue inside his mouth and then Bagoas experienced the most amazing kiss ever. It was a deep kiss, intense and sensual, and he eased into it. His nerves settled down and he began to kiss Hephaistion back, something he would never have dared to do had it been Darius kissing him or one of the Persian nobles. They would have flogged him if he had dared to try to take control away from them.

 

Maybe it was Bagoas' way of testing Hephaistion. Maybe he was trying to find out if they were for real and their intensions as pure as they had said they were.

 

Alexander arched an eyebrow. The kissing was making Hephaistion hard again and the organ swelled while still lodged in his passage. Wickedly, he rubbed his lower body against Hephaistion's and delighted in making his lover groan in need.

 

Bagoas had no idea what was happening. He was solely focused on that sweet, demanding kiss which made his toes curl.

 

Kissing Bagoas was far more exciting than Hephaistion had thought it would be and he had grown erect again. Alexander, his wicked lover, was already making good use of the fact that he was hard again and had begun riding him. The sensation was divine: his lips were locked with Bagoas' in a wonderfully erotic kiss and Alexander was using him to chase after a second orgasm. He lasted longer this time, but even Hephaistion had to succumb eventually and his body shook the moment he climaxed again.

 

Once Hephaistion came first, Alexander finished himself off by stroking his weeping member. The manipulation led him to reach release again and this time, he licked his way up from Hephaistion's chest to his lover's ear.

 

Bagoas felt Hephaistion tremble and the eunuch pulled away, leaving Hephaistion's lips red and a bit bruised. Realizing the two lovers had climaxed again, he blinked. He had thoroughly enjoyed the kiss, but he still felt confused because they hadn't demanded more involvement on his part. They hadn't flipped him onto his stomach and taken him. All it had taken Hephaistion to grow hard and come again had been his lips. And that same kiss made him wonder how making love to them would feel like.

 

Hephaistion smiled at Bagoas in a silly way and raised a hand to force some raven strands back into the loose braid. "We should all take a bath…"

 

Alexander agreed and slowly raised himself so Hephaistion's softening member could leave his body. As far as he was concerned, nothing was better than having sex in the morning. He would be in an excellent mood for the rest of the day and his body would continue to hum in sated relaxation. He leaned in closer to press a chaste kiss onto Hephaistion's brow and then turned his head to look at Bagoas. "Yes, we will take that bath – all three of us." It was his way of inviting Bagoas to spend more time with them.

 

Hephaistion continued to smile. He was pleased that his little plan had worked. Bagoas had woken to them making love and hadn't turned away. The eunuch had chosen to participate, no matter in what small way. Yes, they would work out eventually.

 

~~~

 

Leander loved looking at Cassander, especially when his lover was still asleep. His lover… He had never had a lover before – someone who proclaimed they loved him and wanted to be there for him and so he was still trying to get used to that thought. His fingers moved minutely in Cassander's dark hair, which stood in sharp contrast to his white strands.

 

Cassander wasn't just another General in Alexander's army. Leander realized this very well. Cassander's father was Antipater, who ruled in Greece in Alexander's name. There was a chance that Cassander would one day succeed his father and become a King in his own right.

 

Self-pity and self-loathing tried to sneak up on him again, telling him that Cassander deserved better, but this time he was aware of their presence and silenced them. Cassander had chosen to be with him and with no one else. Cassander wanted *him*.

 

"Why do you always do that?" Cassander murmured with his eyes still closed. "I am beginning to suspect you like looking at me when I am asleep."

 

"You always look at me when I am asleep." Leander watched how the eyes opened and saw that the grey overruled the green today. He loved the way the colors would change.

 

Cassander inched closer. Leander was resting on his side and his back was reclining onto a pile of pillows, supporting him. "Are you in any discomfort?"

 

Leander shook his head and lost himself to just admiring his lover's handsome face. He saw the strength in the features, the passion in the shape of Cassander's mouth, and the love in the eyes. "I am happy."

 

Cassander chuckled. "That is one way of avoiding answering my question."

 

"No, I mean it – no discomfort and I *am* happy. I am happy because you are here and you love me." Cassander's hand rested on his hip and Leander blinked as he finally realized something about his state. He was naked! "Where did the robes go?"

 

"This way we can share our body warmth better." Plus, it allowed for lots of skin-on-skin contact. Cassander made certain however that his arousal didn't register with Leander. He felt it was still too early to tackle that problem. Kissing would do for now...kissing and light touching.

 

Leander's pale-blue eyes closed in bliss as Cassander's fingertips lightly caressed his skin. "That feels nice." It still amazed him how easily he accepted Cassander's touch. Love had everything to do with this – if hadn't he been so completely in love with Cassander, he would not have bore the touch without flinching. Suddenly Cassander's lips descended onto his and they locked in a slow, passionate kiss which had Leander eventually panting.

 

Leander's pupils dilated and the blue color in them deepened. Cassander was amazed to find they now resembled Hephaistion's a lot more. He nuzzled his lover's throat with his lips and licked the skin there. Leander quivered and released a soft moan. The trust that shone from those darkened eyes made Cassander feel humble. After all the pain and abuse his lover had been through, Leander still chose to trust him. "I will never hurt you or betray your trust in me," he promised passionately.

 

Leander distracted himself by curling a lock of Cassander's hair around his fingertip. Now that the setting had become so intimate, he thought he should address something that really worried him. "Cassander? I don't know how you want me to act...in bed that is."

 

Cassander blinked, for it was the last thing he had expected to hear. "What do you mean by that?"

 

Leander lowered his gaze and stared at his lover's lips instead. "I have only known pain and humiliation at the hands of the men I have been with. I am not used to being treated so gently, like I am liable to break at any moment. Because that is how you touch me. And maybe you are right – maybe I am fragile at the moment. I love kissing you and feeling your hands on me, but I don't think I am ready to do more than that yet. What do you want from me?"

 

Cassander finally understood. "I want you to find pleasure at my touch and when you desire so, to touch and kiss me in turn. There are no rules, Leander. Just do whatever feels good and never think that you are 'required' to do anything. Don't do certain things until you feel ready to do so."

 

"Thank you," Leander whispered and raised his gaze again. "Something told me you would understand and say just that."

 

Cassander swallowed hard. He hoped that what he was about to say wouldn't hurt his lover's feelings. "I know you have been raped. I know that you had to do things against your will. I know that they hurt you very badly. But that will never happen here in this bed, between you and me. There will only be love between the two of us."

 

Leander's smile grew brilliant. "I love you so much!" Enthusiastically, he claimed Cassander's lips and kissed him deeply.

 

Cassander smiled into the kiss and held his lover as close as the shoulder injury would permit him.

 

~~~

 

"I am going to spend the day with Leander. I trust you can keep yourself occupied?" Hephaistion wiggled an eyebrow at Alexander. They had finished bathing and Alexander and Bagoas had wrapped themselves up in warm morning robes. Hephaistion was the only one who had bothered to dress properly and had only done so because he was heading to Cassander's rooms.

 

Alexander seated himself near the table that held breakfast and gave his lover an appreciative look. Hephaistion always looked radiant after they had sex in the morning. It was actually a pity that his lover would spend the day away from him. He would have loved to keep Hephaistion close so he could see that 'glow' on his lover during the day.

 

"I am sure they will find something to bore me to death with," Alexander replied, referring to the fact that the Persian Princes had requested another audience. "But at least I have Bagoas to fantasize about when they start another one of their boring monologues."

 

Bagoas listened up once Alexander spoke his name. "Fantasize about me?" Had Alexander really said that? Alexander patted the space next to him and Bagoas sat down next to his King. Unsurprisingly, Alexander began to pile his plate with food.

 

"Of course," Alexander answered and gave Bagoas a wink which left little to the imagination. "I will distract myself by trying to come up with another way to engage you in our love play. You seem to have mastered kissing Hephaistion so you should be ready to take the next step."

 

Hephaistion, who had already made his way over to the doorway, couldn't contain his curiosity and turned his head to look at his lover. "Do I dare ask what you think the next step should be?"

 

"Let me think about it. I will tell you tonight – or even better, I will show you."

 

Bagoas quivered at hearing that promise. Like Hephaistion, he wondered what Alexander would come up with.

 

~~~

 

Cassander left his rooms after telling Hephaistion that Leander was growing stronger. He realized that Hephaistion wanted to spend some quality time with his brother. Cassander headed for the training grounds, since he needed to exercise. He loved spending time in bed with Leander, but he also needed to stay in shape.

 

~~~

 

"Hephaistion!"

 

Leander sounded pleased to see him and Hephaistion's heart beat a little faster at seeing the broad smile that spread across his brother's face. "Did you miss me?" He seated himself on the side of the bed and brushed Leander's tangled hair away from his brother's face. "What happened to your hair?"

 

"Cassander likes to run his fingers through it." Unfortunately, it always ended up snarled after Cassander had indulged himself.

 

Hephaistion straightened it out as well as he could finger combing it. "You look better today." There was a healthy blush on Leander's face and the irises had gained more color. "You look happy."

 

"Cassander makes me happy. I am so relieved that the two of you are getting along. I was worried about that. I know that Cassander isn't well-liked."

 

"He is partly to blame for that himself – he let us think he was a cold-hearted bastard when he wasn't." Hephaistion smiled and savored each minute he could spend with his brother. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

 

Leander fidgeted with the blanket and then nodded slowly. "I need to get out."

 

Hephaistion frowned. "Alexander told you that you can't walk about yet. You need to rest for at least another week."

 

"Hephaistion! I am not talking about going for a walk… I just want out of the bed… I am beginning to feel like an invalid. Is there no way we can sit in the sun? Please?" Leander gave his brother a look that had also worked when he had been a toddler.

 

Hephaistion recognized the look and cringed. He would do anything Leander wanted him to. "Let me see what I can do for you." He rose from the bed and walked toward the balcony. It was spacious and would easily hold two chairs.

 

"What are you doing?" Leander wanted to leave his bed so he could see what Hephaistion was doing.

 

"Stay put! Just give me one moment." Hephaistion placed two comfortable chairs on the balcony and padded one of them with blankets and furs. He wanted his brother to be comfortable.

 

Leander frowned as Hephaistion then tried to lift him. "I can walk, Hephaistion."

 

"Alexander said no."

 

"And I am saying that I can walk and that I want to walk!"

 

Hephaistion's heart leapt with joy at hearing his brother's determined voice. Nouri would never have objected, but Leander just had. His brother was getting better! "I will support you."

 

Leander felt triumphant once he achieved this small victory.

 

"Slowly… We have time, don't rush." Hephaistion wrapped an arm around Leander and assisted him in getting to his feet. "Feeling dizzy?" he asked once Leander stood.

 

"No, no dizziness." And for that, Leander felt grateful. Hephaistion forced him to walk slowly, but he didn't mind. All that mattered was that he was walking again.

 

"Sit down." Hephaistion helped his brother to sit down in the padded chair and then seated himself as well. A tall tree with luscious leaves provided them with shade and the temperature remained comfortable on the balcony. Hephaistion realized he was still holding Leander's hand in his and was reluctant to let go. If Leander wanted his hand back, his brother would tell him so. "Leander, have you given your future any thought yet?"

 

"My future?" Hephaistion's words took Leander by surprise. "Hephaistion, I am still trying to come to terms with the present."

 

"I *have* been thinking about your future. You should know that Alexander plans to leave for India at some point and I will accompany him."

 

"Of course you will." It hadn't taken Leander much time to realize that Alexander and Hephaistion were practically inseparable.

 

"And I worry about what will happen to you when we leave." Hephaistion thoughtfully rubbed his brother's fingers. "Cassander is one of Alexander's Generals and can be ordered to join the expedition."

 

"I will never stand in Cassander's way."

 

"But what will you do if Cassander gets his marching order?" Hephaistion's features briefly contorted. His brother had never been trained as a warrior and Hephaistion doubted Leander would survive the hardships the soldiers on such a campaign went through.

 

"I will go with him. I want to be at his side always." Leander wondered about the worried expression in Hephaistion's eyes.

 

"There will be war, Leander." Hephaistion didn't know how to approach this matter without hurting his brother's feelings. "And you are no warrior. You would make an easy target."

 

"Then Cassander and you will teach me how to wield a sword and how to defend myself. You will have to wait though until I have healed." To Leander, everything was clear.

 

"Leander, I don't want you in harm's way. You should stay here." He would prefer for his brother to do just that.

 

But Leander shook his head. "When Alexander leaves, you won't stay behind, will you? You want to be at his side. It is the same for me."

 

Hephaistion realized just how stubborn his younger brother was and knew Leander would insist on doing things his way. "In that case, I will train you myself… And I am certain Alexander and Cassander will want to help."

 

"I will have the best possible teachers then." Leander smiled brilliantly at Hephaistion. He desperately wanted to make his brother proud and maybe he could do that by becoming a warrior like the rest of them.

 

~~~

 

That evening, when Hephaistion returned to the rooms he shared with Alexander, he found his lover stretched out on the floor while Bagoas danced for him. Alexander's gaze followed every move the dancer made and Hephaistion had to admit that Bagoas was grace personified. He had never seen a more sensual dance.

 

He hadn't left Leander until Cassander had returned to his rooms, for he wanted to know that his brother was safe and was being looked after. As long as Leander was injured Hephaistion didn't want his brother to be alone. His brother… Each time he thought of Leander his heart swelled with love and joy.

 

"You look worried." Alexander rose from the nest of pillows, furs, and blankets he had created on the floor and walked over to his lover. He pulled Hephaistion back to his nest with him.

 

"I am not. I am happy." Hephaistion smiled at his lover to take away Alexander's worries. "I was just lost in thought."

 

Bagoas stopped dancing and stood panting as he tried to slow down his too rapid breathing. A fine sheen of sweat had formed on his naked body. He seldom danced naked, but Alexander had requested it and, like always, Bagoas had complied.

 

Alexander, wearing his favorite burgundy robe, settled down amidst his pillows and furs and pulled Hephaistion down with him. "You could have fooled me. You still look troubled, Hephaistion."

 

"I am fine, Alexander. I really am." Hephaistion tugged at a strand of Alexander's blond hair, silently telling his lover to back off.

 

Bagoas didn't know if he was expected to stay or leave and waited for some sign that would tell him what to do. He got his first clue when Alexander raised his hand and gestured for him to join them.

 

Hephaistion probed Alexander's eyes and found them twinkling with mischief. Recalling Alexander's parting words that morning, he asked, "And what did you come up with for Bagoas, Alexander?"

 

"I was thinking that we can share him. You can have him from the waist up and I get to explore his nether regions." Alexander wiggled an eyebrow and noticed the stunned look Bagoas was giving him. "What do you think, Hephaistion? Will that work?"

 

Bagoas gasped for breath. They planned on sharing him? And what was his role in all this?

 

"That works for me," Hephaistion replied, smiling at Bagoas. He had noticed the surprised expression on Bagoas' face and hoped the smile would reassure the eunuch a bit. Sitting up, he unclasped his tunic and the fabric floated to the ground. Naked, Hephaistion stalked toward Bagoas. "That means I get to taste your lips again, among other things." Seductively, he ran the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip.

 

Bagoas felt overwhelmed with Hephaistion so close. The older man lowered him onto the ground and pressed him onto his back. He instinctively parted his legs.

 

"Not yet," Hephaistion whispered as he straddled Bagoas' hips. "Not yet." He didn't know Alexander's plans for Bagoas, but trusted his lover to take care of the eunuch's needs as well. "Let us go back to kissing for now."

 

Any fear or tension which Bagoas might have felt began to fade the moment Hephaistion's lips claimed his. Within seconds, Hephaistion's tongue was back chasing his tongue and curling around it in a most sensual way.

 

Hephaistion slid his hands up and down Bagoas' chest, constantly encountering the eunuch's hardening nipples and rubbing them between his fingertips. He focused on giving pleasure instead of receiving it.

 

Alexander shrugged out of his robe and moved in-between Bagoas' legs. He didn't know if Bagoas could grow erect or how exactly a eunuch reached orgasm, but he was determined to find out. Eying Bagoas' still lax member and the too tiny sac, he licked his lips and dove in.

 

Bagoas' eyes widened and he yelped in surprise when Alexander's lips and tongue did amazing things to his member. The yelp disappeared into Hephaistion's mouth and the older man didn't give him any time to recover from Alexander's 'assault' on his 'nether regions' as the King had called them.

 

Enthusiastically, Alexander licked around the member and felt the flesh harden just a little under his licking and suckling. He cupped Bagoas' empty sac in the palm of his hand and lightly caressed the perineum.

 

Bagoas quivered and began to squirm. The stimulation was too much! He had never experienced anything like this before and tension was beginning to build in his groin. Darius had never made an effort to make him climax and now that Hephaistion and Alexander had combined tactics, he realized he was quickly rushing toward completion. He didn't know what to focus on or what felt best – Hephaistion's kisses were deep and sensual, his fingers rubbed, pinched, and teased his nipples, and the ends of Hephaistion's auburn hair dragged over his chest, making him squirm. At the same time, Alexander was doing incredible things to his private parts and Bagoas realized he was going to orgasm without being penetrated at all.

 

Hephaistion saw the eager, but also anxious look in Bagoas' dark eyes and realized the eunuch felt overwhelmed. Should he tell Alexander to slow down? No, he wanted to give Bagoas this experience and he believed Alexander felt the same way. Releasing Bagoas' lips, Hephaistion's tongue trailed lower until it curled around a rock-hard nipple.

 

Hephaistion's exploitation undid Bagoas and he trembled beneath the older man. A watery liquid dripped from his member and his body, which had been tense a moment ago, utterly relaxed.

 

Alexander let the slick flesh slip from his mouth and was suddenly reminded that Bagoas *was* a eunuch. There was no seed, just a transparent liquid that dripped from the slit. But it also meant that Bagoas had found release and that had been Alexander's intention all along.

 

Hephaistion gently licked at Bagoas' lips and smiled at seeing the dazed expression in the dark eyes. "Next time around, I get to attend to your 'nether regions'," he commented teasingly.

 

"What about you?" Bagoas, although still floating on intense feelings of bliss, began to feel guilty. He should have focused on meeting their needs. Instead, they had pleasured him! A eunuch! That was unheard of!

 

"Don't worry…" Alexander moved closer and now hovered above Bagoas. "Would you like to watch?"

 

"Watch?" Still feeling too dazed to *really* understand what Alexander was offering, Bagoas pushed himself up on an elbow.

 

"Yes, I think he will want to watch." Hephaistion smiled wickedly and then placed a parting kiss onto Bagoas' lips before turning to face Alexander. He resolutely wrapped his fingers around Alexander's leaking member and pumped it hard. "Didn't you say you liked to beg for it the other day?"

 

"Can't…remember…saying…that…" Alexander swayed and closed his eyes. Hephaistion set a punishing rhythm and he flexed his hips, thrusting into his lover's hand.

 

"After we wrestled," Hephaistion commented, helping Alexander to remember. "Well, beg…"

 

"Oh, you are evil!" Alexander was close – so very close – and then, all of sudden, Hephaistion stopped pumping him. "No!"

 

"Beg for it, Alexander." Hephaistion had also wrapped his fingers around his own erection and when he stopped stimulating Alexander, he stopped stroking his own member as well.

 

Alexander finally realized the power Hephaistion had given him. By begging – just a little, mind you – he would give them both release. By not begging, they would both go to bed feeling unfulfilled. "Please, Hephaistion, please make me come…"

 

That was all Hephaistion had wanted to hear and he resumed pumping Alexander's cock. At the same time, he stroked his erection as well.

 

Alexander closed his eyes, threw back his head, and continued to whisper, "Please, Hephaistion, please… I beg you, make us come."

 

Hearing Alexander say that pushed Hephaistion over the edge and seed erupted from the slit, dripped onto his hand, and eventually mingled with Alexander's when his lover managed to shoot and aim his release at his hand. "Oh..." Hephaistion groaned and collapsed against Alexander, who quickly caught him in his arms.

 

"That was…quite something." Alexander purred, which was something he seldom did, and used his hold on Hephaistion to lower him onto the ground, where Bagoas was watching them with big eyes.

 

So *that* was what Alexander had meant when he had asked him if he wanted to watch. Somehow, Bagoas hadn't expected such a wanton display of lust. /Why didn't I? Everything I have seen so far indicates that they love each other…and they want to share their love with me!/ Bagoas felt awed and flattered as he realized that Alexander and Hephaistion were for real. They were *really* offering him a new life. A life filled with love-based lust.

 

TBC

 

 

Family Secrets

Part 14

 

Leander had been peevish all evening and Cassander just couldn't figure out why. When Hephaistion had left, Leander had still been in a good mood and had talked endlessly about how Hephaistion would train him as a warrior. Cassander had accepted the decision, realizing it would take a long time before Hephaistion would let any weapon close to his younger brother. And then, all of a sudden, Leander's mood had changed. He had curled up on the bed and continued to stare at the wall. Cassander had managed to briefly distract him by making him eat dinner, but after that, Leander had gone back to staring at the wall. Unable to pretend nothing was wrong, Cassander pulled up a chair, sat down next to the bed, and lowered his head onto his arms, which were resting on the side of the bed. He managed to catch Leander's gaze and asked, "What is wrong? You have been ignoring me since dinner."

 

Leander carefully shrugged a shoulder and returned to avoiding meeting Cassander's gaze.

 

"Come on, love, you can do better than that."

 

"You always call me that," Leander murmured reluctantly but at the same time also curious. "And you kiss me… You run your finders through my hair and then it stops. Do I disgust you that much? Does the mere thought of touching me more intimately revolt you? I would understand, considering what they did to me. I am not even a real man…" His voice drifted off and in that moment he felt very much like Nouri and not Leander.

 

Cassander's eyes widened in shock. "What?" What had his lover said? Cassander chided himself privately for not expecting anything like this to happen. It had been bound to happen one day and, since Leander was growing stronger and more stubborn, it was only natural that the questions had occurred to him. "No, it is nothing like that, my love. You can never disgust me and I love you for who you are."

 

"Then why won't you touch me more intimately?" Leander eventually raised his gaze and looked Cassander in the eye. "I know you have been aroused these last few days. I am not stupid."

 

Cassander briefly closed his eyes and counted to ten in an attempt to lower his raging heart beat. Stupid… He had been stupid to think Leander wouldn't notice. Opening his eyes, he looked at Leander. "I was merely afraid that you were not ready yet to become more intimate. I was waiting for a sign from you that would tell me that you wanted more, but you seemed content with the kissing and touching. I didn't want to rush you."

 

Leander had the grace the blush and look repentant. "Is that it?" Had he misread Cassander? It had been so easy to assume that his lover felt disgusted by his past.

 

Cassander gave his lover a relieved smile. "Does this mean that you want to take the next step?"

 

"I do." Leander began to feel a bit nervous as he addressed the matter. "Cassander… I still feel a bit…conflicted," he said, eventually deciding on that word to describe his mindset. "I want to pleasure you and I know how, but… I am scared of the pain."

 

"Did it ever occur to you that you don't have to be on the bottom, my love? That there are other ways to make you feel good?" Cassander continued to smile in what he hoped was a soothing manner. "I know of a few."

 

"Did you have any male lovers before?" Suddenly, Leander wanted to know. Cassander knew everything there was to know about him, but he knew very little about his lover.

 

"Two, but they didn't last for long. My father didn't think they were suitable choices and, after a while, I agreed. One of them was only after furthering his position in court and the other… He was just in for it for the sex." Cassander exchanged his chair for the side of the bed and caressed his lover's face. "This is different though. This is about love and that was what was lacking from my first two relationships. I want to grow old with you."

 

A lump of emotions formed in Leander's throat as he listened to Cassander's words. "What do you think our first time together will be like?"

 

"I was hoping you would let me touch you, kiss you, taste you, and pleasure you."

 

Leander swallowed, feeling nervous. "Normally it is the other way around."

 

"I know that it will feel strange to you. All you have to do is to enjoy the things I will do to you." Leander suddenly avoided looking at him and that alarmed Cassander. "What are you thinking of?" He hoped Leander would share whatever thoughts had disturbed him for it would show just how much the younger man trusted him.

 

"There is one thing I don't want you to do…yet, at any rate." He wasn't sure if it would be fair to deny Cassander for the rest of their lives.

 

Cassander nodded, suspecting what would follow, but he let Leander say the words at any rate.

 

"I don't want you to penetrate me." Leander pressed his eyes shut and his features contorted. Saying that had been hard on him.

 

"I didn't plan on doing that." Cassander continued to caress his lover's face. "Didn't I just tell you that there are other ways to find pleasure?" Leander's eyes opened and Cassander saw a lot of Nouri within the bared gaze. "As a matter of fact, I could demonstrate my intentions right now. You are naked beneath these furs and I can shrug out of my tunic. If this is what you really want I would be delighted to give it to you."

 

Leander blinked, thinking he had misheard Cassander. "Now?"

 

"Yes, now." Cassander shrugged out of his tunic and the material ended up on the floor. Leander had seen him naked before when they would snuggle in bed, but things were different now and he saw the apprehension in his lover's eyes. Cassander knew he had to prove his words to Leander. It was the only way to convince the younger man that he was safe with him.

 

Leander moistened his lips. He felt nervous, excited, and a bit scared. "And what do you want me to do?"

 

"Nothing but enjoy what I am going to do to you… And should your shoulder begin to hurt, tell me." Cassander knelt on the bed beside his lover. Leander was still too skinny. As Cassander ran his fingertips down the pale chest, he could count each rib. There were scars as well, tiny, deep, or shallow ones and even a few bite marks which had healed badly, leaving a score on the slender body. "If you want me to stop, say so, yes?"

 

Leander nodded his head, not trusting his voice to work. Cassander slowly lifted himself and straddled his thighs. This way, Cassander had access to his chest *and* his groin area.

 

Leaning in closer, Cassander started off with a series of light kisses which he placed gently on Leander's lips. He didn't know if his lover could grow aroused or stay hard, but it didn't really matter. He was sure he would find a way to give Leander pleasure. He ran his hands through the tangled white mass of hair and massaged his lover's scalp. Keeping the kissing up, he rubbed his chest against Leander's and his lover's nipples grew hard. Leander was reacting to his touches in a passionate way and his lover was even beginning to pant into his mouth. Keeping in mind that this was the first time that someone was focused on Leander's body and his needs, he took his time and enjoyed thoroughly kissing Leander's sweet lips.

 

Butterflies tickled his insides and Leander felt afloat on his feelings. Looking into Cassander's eyes, he saw the love within them and a smile formed on his face. "I trust you," he whispered, hoping it was what he was supposed to say.

 

"I know you do. I am just taking my time. There is no need to rush this." Cassander returned to kissing Leander, but let one hand slide down the slender throat and toward his lover's chest. He rubbed one hard nipple with his fingertips and felt Leander surge beneath him. He made a mental note that Leander's nipples were rather sensitive and didn't focus on them for too long, not wanting his lover to feel overwhelmed.

 

Something was happening in the pit of his stomach and his groin – something which Leander had never experienced before, but Cassander kept him distracted and he had no time to worry about the strange sensation, which felt pleasant. Cassander's lips had left his and were trailing lower. They peppered his chest with butterfly kisses and Leander instinctively tried to thrust against Cassander, but his space was limited and he felt awkward doing it.

 

"I love you," Cassander murmured against Leander's flat abdomen. He let his tongue circle his lover's belly button and then dove in, sticking the tip of his tongue into Leander's navel and swirling it around.

 

Leander burst out into chuckles. Oh, he was ticklish there!

 

Cassander grinned wickedly and gave his lover's belly button a parting lick before moving on. But then Leander tensed beneath him. Looking up at his lover's face, he saw uneasiness there. "It doesn't matter to me what they did to you. I don't love you less because of it."

 

Those had been the exact words Leander had needed to hear and he relaxed again as Cassander began pressing kisses against the sac that should have held his testicles. Slowly, he raised a hand and rested it on Cassander's hair. "What are you going to do?" He surprised himself by asking that. He hadn't thought his vocal chords would cooperate.

 

"I am going to taste you, pleasure you, and hopefully make you come."

 

"I don't know if I can come…" Leander bit his bottom lip. "But you are definitely making me feel good."

 

"Let us see what my tongue can do," Cassander suggested, not willing to give up before he had even started. He loved the way Leander's fingers lightly moved through his hair. He ran the tip of his tongue across the slit and watched, quite impressed with how the flesh stirred beneath that first lick. Smiling, he closed his lips over his lover's member and started to alternatively lick and suckle. He ran one hand over his lover's abdomen to make sure Leander wouldn't take him by surprise when he started to thrust and the other he pushed beneath his lover's buttocks, raising Leander slightly.

 

Leander didn't know what was happening to him. All he knew was that he had never felt like this before. Tension was building in his groin area and he closed his eyes to savor the feeling. The pressure was quickly increasing and he thrust for the first time. It was an instinct as old as the world and Cassander allowed it, taking him deeper.

 

Cassander ran a hand up Leander's chest and started to rub his lover’s nipple again. It was a good thing that he had rested his other hand on Leander's abdomen for his lover tried to thrust harder, deeper. And the most amazing thing was that Leander was hardening due to his ministrations.

 

Panting hard, Leander raised his head and stared at Cassander – or more exactly at the bobbing head and the dark hair that teased against his skin. "Cassander, I…"

 

But Cassander wasn't in the mood for talking and pinched his lover's nipple sharply. He was close too and hoped they would come together.

 

Leander yelped, tensed, and then experienced his first orgasm ever. Waves of ecstasy washed over him and he felt things he had never felt before. Surrendering to the wonderful feelings, he relaxed into the mattress and grew limp beneath his lover's soft licks.

 

Cassander licked along the slit and swallowed the little amount of fluid that left his lover's twitching length. Well, at least he now had the answer to two questions he had had. One, Leander could grow hard and remain hard for some time, and two, his lover was capable of finding release in this way. Bestowing a few more cat-like licks onto his lover's softening member, Cassander looked up and saw the sated, but stunned expression in the watching eyes. The irises had turned dark-blue.

 

"Cassander, I… I didn't know… You didn't have to do that." Leander felt like he had entered another world, one where his body consisted of spiraling waves of pleasure and it was hard to come down from the orgasmic high which he had just experienced.

 

"I wanted to." Cassander crawled closer toward Leander and stretched out onto his side next to his lover. "You made me come."

 

Leander's eyes widened. "What?"

Cassander chuckled. "You took me with you."

 

"I did?" Leander cast a shy look below Cassander's waistline and found his lover's words true. Cassander's groin was sticky with come. Feeling heavy, lazy, and satiated, he still managed to plant a firm kiss on Cassander's lips. "That felt wonderful."

 

"I promise you that things will get even better," Cassander replied as he gave his lover a pleased, but drained smile. He would clean them up, pull up the blankets, snuggle up to Leander, and hold him through the night. At the moment, nothing sounded better than doing just that.

 

~~~

 

The next morning, Cassander decided to stay close when not one, but three visitors showed up in his rooms. This time, Hephaistion hadn't arrived alone, but had brought Alexander and Bagoas along. Cassander understood why Alexander was there: the other man wanted to check on Leander's shoulder and Bagoas… Bagoas hovered close and seemed eager to talk to Leander. Well, so be it. If they were determined to stay during the day, so would he. He had agreed to leave during the day, but only when it was Hephaistion visiting. Not when they invaded his quarters like this!

 

"Cassander? Can I have a word with you?" Hephaistion looked Cassander in the eye.

 

"Sure, why not?" Cassander guided Hephaistion into a corner of the room and they seated themselves opposite each other, watching each other warily. He had a suspicion what it was about, but he wasn't going to start their conversation. Hephaistion wanted to talk to him, so he could do take the lead.

 

"Just how sincere are you where my brother is concerned?" Hephaistion's eyes turned to liquid metal, trying to pierce the depths of Cassander's soul.

 

"Are you asking me if this is forever?" Hephaistion would have disappointed him if the other man hadn't brought it up. "Yes, it is." Cassander's eyes narrowed slightly. "I never really understood why you would settle for Alexander and weren't interested in other men. Yes, Alexander is handsome and our King, but I always thought there had to be more to it."

 

"I love him, Cassander. It is as simple as that."

 

"I understand that now. I didn't get it in the past." A shy smile spread on Cassander's features. "I understand because I feel the same way about Leander. I need him close. I need to know him safe. I need to love him." He chuckled. "You probably never thought to hear me say words like that?"

 

It was Hephaistion's turn to chuckle. "You had us fooled, Cassander. We really thought you had a heart of stone."

 

"That was partly my fault." Cassander shrugged. "But no one tried to find out if I was really like that. You were all content to believe I didn't care."

 

"Very true," Hephaistion admitted. He leaned in closer and said, "I don't have to tell you how precious my brother is to me, do I?"

 

Cassander chuckled again. "Hephaistion, you threatened to have my hide should I hurt Leander before you knew he was your brother. I understood you back then and I understand now. I won't hurt him. I want to be his lover for the rest of my life."

 

"Speaking about the two of you being lovers…" Hephaistion cringed, not knowing how to phrase his question. He didn't want to pry.

 

"He is making progress, Hephaistion. It is not realistic to think that his emotional scars heal that fast. But we are making progress." He smiled as he thought back to their intimate encounter the other night. "Leander will recover – in time."

 

Hephaistion felt relieved. He had hoped Cassander would say that.

 

~~~

 

"Bagoas? I need your help. Sit down here," Alexander ordered.

 

Bagoas sat down next to Leander and Alexander guided his patient against the eunuch's chest. "Wrap your arms around him. You can steady him that way."

 

Bagoas folded his arms around Leander and smiled the moment their patient rested his head against his shoulder.

 

Alexander examined the shoulder injury and smiled. "You did everything right, Leander. You stayed in bed, rested, ate, rested some more, and slept. As a result the wound has healed nicely. I will allow you to leave your bed today, but don't overdo it." Alexander raised Leander's head and studied the scar which marred his patient's face. "Keep smearing that balm on it and that scar will fade as well."

 

"Thank you." Leander gave Alexander a radiant smile.

 

Alexander simply returned the smile, realizing at that very moment just how much of Hephaistion there was in Leander. The two brothers were brave, stubborn, and something told him they shared the same wicked sense of humor. "Are you happy with Cassander?"

 

Leander nodded against Bagoas' shoulder as he had rested his head there again. He hadn't seen Bagoas for some days and enjoyed having his friend so close. "I am happy – very happy."

 

"Good!" Alexander rose from the bed and decided against applying another bandage. The wound had healed and there was no real need to keep it bandaged. "Remember, don't overdo it. Go for a short walk today, onto the balcony perhaps. Tomorrow, Hephaistion will take you for a longer walk."

 

Leander nodded again. "I understand. I won't overestimate myself." He didn't want to strain himself and cause the wound to open again.

 

"I will be off then. Lots of planning, reports, and requests are waiting for me." And he had to wrestle through them without Hephaistion's assistance since his lover would be spending the day with Leander. Alexander excused himself and left.

 

That left Bagoas holding Leander. He wanted to tell his friend something very important.

 

"What is it?" Leander gave Bagoas a conspiring look.

 

"Do you remember the day when I told you to stop feeling sorry for yourself?" Bagoas asked.

 

"I remember that day and Bagoas, I did. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I am getting better!"

 

"I know that you are." Bagoas loved seeing the glow to his friend's eyes. "Alexander told me the same thing some days ago."

That caught Leander's attention all right. "Why?"

 

"Alexander and Hephaistion… They did something I never expected them to do…"

 

"Stop stalling and just tell me!" Leander could tell that something in Bagoas' eyes had changed. They were more alive, more filled with emotions.

 

"They took me as their lover."

 

Leander blinked and didn't know how to react to it. "Against your will?" he asked eventually.

 

"No." Bagoas quickly shook his head. "No, they would never do that." Only now did he realize that they were discussing Hephaistion – Leander's brother. "If you don't want to hear this, I will understand." But he was bursting with this knowledge and these feelings and he needed to share it with someone!

 

Leander smiled, a bit relieved. "Do you like them in that way then?"

 

"It is not like the love Cassander and you share. Alexander and Hephaistion are devoted to each other, but they desire me too… I feel less lonely when I go to sleep in someone's arms and they are gentle with me – so very gentle."

 

Leander raised a hand and cupped Bagoas' cheek. "Then both our lives have changed for the better."

"I think so… I don't know what the future will bring, but I am happy at the moment." Bagoas smiled and pressed close to Leander. "I never thought I would be happy again."

 

This time, it was Leander holding Bagoas, offering him comfort, and rocking his friend slightly. Bagoas had also suffered much in the past and Leander was relieved and happy for his friend that Bagoas had finally found his place in the world.

 

From across the room, Hephaistion glanced at Leander and Leander smiled at his brother. Yes, he had found his brother and, in a way, he had become a part of a family. A family which consisted of Hephaistion, Alexander, Cassander and Bagoas… And the best thing was that there were no secrets – only love.

 

The end


End file.
